Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are total idiots

February 15th, 2008 // 173 Comments

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spent Valentine’s Day eating on a sailboat. A docked sailboat – where they posed for the most ridiculously non-candid photos ever. Seriously, could these shots be any less natural? Why don’t Heidi and Spencer do something like normal people? Go to a movie. Eat a candlelight dinner. Or have really awkward pity sex with your date because she watched you cry when the naval base wouldn’t rent you a submarine with live torpedoes. All I wanted to do was fire at civilian targets code-named “Funbags” and “Douchehole.” But I digress. What I’m really getting at is; I had sex last night. In your face!

Photos: Pacific Coast News

  1. Tipsy McDrinker

    Nice prop, the champagne is flat.

  2. MonkeyMan777

    Seriously, I’d like to know who the photog is that she pays to follow her and girlie-man around so 1) I could beat the crud out of him for pawning this drivel off on us or 2) so I could hire him to stage some fake “Look how wonderful and exciting my life is” photos so I could have my 15 minutes of fame.

    I hope her 15 minutes are up soon, and when she does start doing porn that someone gets it right with her horse-face and the hooker shoes and puts her in a Pony Show. Stick a bit in her mouth, some reins, a little saddle, and a tail in her, bring her to the Kentucky Derby and you’d be hard pressed to tell the difference……

  3. Ms. M

    who the F are these people and why am I supposed to care?
    I keep seeing their names, but I have NO CLUE who they are,
    what they do, or why I am bothering to respond to this…



  4. whatever

    Why the fuck are the sails out if they are docked? Fucking morons.

  5. Ricard0

    What a pair of douchebags! How fucking stupid do they think everyone is?

  6. Son-of D. Richards



  7. Ript1&0

    Fish, you had sex? I’m jealous man. Thanks a lot for rubbing it in my face you fucktard.

    Or shall I say, not rubbing it.

  8. combustion8

    nothing says i ove you, like jimmy choo shoes?

    wheres a sniper when you need one.

  9. they make me laugh.. i mean.. everyone hates them, and sure, they seem like douchebags… but they obviously realise that everyone hates them, and that the shoots are fake.. i don’t know, it makes me laugh. i’d do the same thing. lmfao

    wncl blogspot com

  10. cm

    i would love to take that empty bottle and smack them both upside the head with it…..

  11. sam

    @ 12 Hey, my boyfriend bought me shoes, and it was cute. But to be fair, they were Tredair cathead shoes. And also they were more of a whim than a Valentine.
    That said, someone should have set fire to the boat. And white sweaters are obnoxious.

  12. Ike

    “Total idiots”
    Yeah, I can agree with that one!

  13. race1

    Right on #25

    All these Celebutards take themselves WAAYYYY to seriously!

  14. Guy

    Oh what a beautiful carefully formulated and choreographed photo set :’)

  15. carrie

    stop posting pics of them. we’re only giving them what they want. and it makes them think we care.

  16. Veroonica

    Awe. How cute. She gave him just the cutest platform slingbacks for Valentines. She must really care!

  17. Mystress Jade

    Pic #5 was in the LL Bean catalog for Spring. * vom*

    As a Captain and a sailor, I am so offended by this pictoral, I will never set foot on a sailboat again. And it’s how I make my living. If you need to get in touch with me, I’ll be living in a refrigerator box under the I-4 overpass.

    Thanks Douchebags!

  18. danasaur

    Didn’t that dude play the stinky guy who wouldn’t bathe/brush his teeth on That’s so Raven. I’m sure it’s him. 0o

  19. Kingsley Amis

    What if we set them up on a double-date with Pete Doherty and Bai Ling? And the swap partners? Now, THAT’S HOT!

  20. Kingsley Amis

    What if we set them up on a double-date with Pete Doherty and Bai Ling? And they swap partners? Now, THAT’S HOT!

  21. Dave ain't here, man

    What a pair of fuckwits.

    By the way, anybody heard from Bob in Accounting? Is the softball team a go this year?

  22. james

    awww come on now these shots are obviously 100% natural and unrehearsed. It’s a proven scientific fact that brand labels (such as those found on champagne and shoes/shoe boxes) ALWAYS face the nearest camera no matter where the camera man is standing.
    And i don’t know about the rest of you but i always open my presents twice with equal amounts of shock.

  23. T

    FUGLY!!!! And VAPID!!
    HE’s a fag and she’s dumber than my buritto. NO TALENT WORTHLESS PEOPLE. PLEASE GET CANCER ASAP!!!
    How much cake did she eat HIDE-ME MONTON is so BEASTLY!

  24. OhYeah!

    I got laid last night, too!

  25. T

    I would take those CHEAP FUNNY LOOKING SHOES and shove them straight down her STUPID HORSE-FACED BIG FAT MOUTH!! Then I would recommend her QUEEN BOYFRIEND TO GET A SACK….AND SOME BRAINS.
    Please get CANCER!!!!

  26. Salesman Terry

    71, thanks to the office gals having no sense of humor, the company is through with softball. The gals thought our witty references last summer to good ball handling were inappropriate and complained to the head honchos that they were being sexually harassed. Now we’re ass deep in “sensitivity” training, blah, blah, blah. The company has, instead, decided to develop a less controversial sports team this summer. We’ll be holding badminton tryouts next Tuesday afternoon in the parking lot. You’ll have to provide your own shuttlecock.

    Terry MacNamara
    Director of Sales

  27. t

    uhhhmmm??? WTF!!?!?
    This is a joke right? is it? Common!! Monkeys dont even take humans as being this naive.
    If its a joke can Larry David or someone funny at least be in the shot? Who are these FUGHOLES?
    I am dying of laughter than there are people like this inhabiting our planet..

  28. Captain Obvious

    I liked her post-boob job but before the other stuff. She looks too fake now although she does have a nice ass, too.

    I’d hit it, but feel angry with myself afterwards.

    I’d also shoot Spencer but without the remorse.

  29. Paris Hilton's Penis

    LOL #78.

    “I’d hit it, but feel angry with myself afterwards.”

    That’s fantastic.

  30. Chee Brook

    Her mouth is always open and you can’t see her lower teeth. She looks like she is always ready to recieve a penis in the mouth. Is that sexy????

  31. James Spader

    You retards are the ones making them celebrities. 80 comments is a form of celebration. Congratulations for contributing to the decline of culture.

  32. T

    yea 80+ comments are alot. But these 2 HOMELY whores arent worth it…true. Hey was there a sale at Payless shoes? I wanna get me those and look like a DIRTY SKANK like hideme MONTFUG.
    While we’re on the subject, where can I find a good recipe for suckling pig?

  33. T

    yea 80+ comments are alot. But these 2 HOMELY whores arent worth it…true. Hey was there a sale at Payless shoes? I wanna get me those and look like a DIRTY SKANK like hideme MONTFUG.
    While we’re on the subject, where can I find a good recipe for suckling pig?

  34. Hey, I had sex too last night!

    *High five*

  35. Did Heidi ho cry Silicon or Reslin tears ???

  36. mrs.t

    Mother of God, who was the fucking stylist on this fiasco? A Blind fag who hopes to one day work for Jimmy Choo? Or was it just Spencer?

  37. Every picture of them looks fake!

  38. sla

    #28 — I think my favorite part is that there are the two different locations of her with “surprised wonder” face while opening up the shoes.

    That’s because first she was surprised by the right show, the second time by the left show.

    “Awe honey, you got me a pair! I can’t believe you thought of that! You are SO SWEET!”

  39. deluxxe

    wow. can that Spencer Pratt guy be any gayer? there is no way that dude is straight. No f’n way.

  40. i just choked on my own vomit.

  41. Melanie Endsley

    Wow! She’s more self-obsessed than I am!

    I didn’t dream I would ever find someone as vain as me.

  42. Jas

    #17.. i was thinking the same too.. altho the idea of her giving SP blowjobs? Yuck.

    They’re such poseurs.. but it’s redeeming to know that once they get married, they’ll OFFICIALLY be prats. I mean, Pratts.


  43. Shoe Fetish

    Pitiful, just pitiful.

    What normal male would want to hold the $800 shoes you just bought. Well, that is, unless he has a super shoe fetish. Then that’s another story. These two are so sappy it is disgusting.

    Sappy, sappy, sappy…

  44. La Frascatana

    Keep cracking jokes. Meanwhile Heidi gets more and more famous.

    This chick knows what she’s doing, believe me. She’s not dumb at all. They are POSED to look posed to get everyone talking. She knows everyone knows that Spencer is gay. It doesn’t matter.

    All she wants is to stay in the public eye however she can until she gets a movie role of some kind. Because expectations will be so low, she’ll get great reviews and people will say “Wow, she’s actually charming, who knew!”

    Again, she knows what she’s doing.

  45. t

    hahah!! How ironic..Both the boat and their so-called careers going NOWHERE!!!
    Heidi, honey, YOU ARE AN INSIGNIFICANT HORSE-FACED SMELLY BLOB. You should have been aborted.. Are there any bridges you can throw your fat carcass off this weekend? I’ll be there in cheap heels like you (and some popcorn).
    Hey Spencer, how many loads have you swallowed?

  46. Johnny

    Is it me or is Spencer the ugliest man in america?

  47. Lena

    I think Heidi should act. Especially when it involves looking at a pair of shoes from 18 different angles with fake looks of surprise. Although Spencer’s probably used to seeing that face in bed all the time.

  48. Rob

    does she have bottom teeth? everytime she shows that annoying smile, her big ass upper horse teeth fill the scene. fuck she’s annoying

  49. anbmee

    I love her very much. I heard from my friends that she joined celebrities and wealthy club “SearchingMillionaire.com”. recently. I really expected that I could meet her there.If so, I could share my ideas with her.

  50. Sara

    How long can she spend admiring those damn shoes with her mouth hanging open? What a fucking cunt. And their boat is still docked…even lamer. I fucking hate these two.

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