Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are total idiots

February 15th, 2008 // 173 Comments

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spent Valentine’s Day eating on a sailboat. A docked sailboat – where they posed for the most ridiculously non-candid photos ever. Seriously, could these shots be any less natural? Why don’t Heidi and Spencer do something like normal people? Go to a movie. Eat a candlelight dinner. Or have really awkward pity sex with your date because she watched you cry when the naval base wouldn’t rent you a submarine with live torpedoes. All I wanted to do was fire at civilian targets code-named “Funbags” and “Douchehole.” But I digress. What I’m really getting at is; I had sex last night. In your face!

Photos: Pacific Coast News
superficial

  1. havanicejay

    schwing #1

  2. havanicejay

    schwing #1

  3. sharpeidude

    Uh…..okay.

  4. Donkey Ass

    Talk about publicity whore…

  5. attention starved whores

    if he’s hitching his wagon of success to this horse, i have to warn him it’s not going far. the only future this girl has is in porn and clearly she’s too dumb to realize it.

  6. I’d toss one in.

  7. miz coaster

    I mean really, how dumb do these people or their people think we are? Those photos look so fake! Besides, who the hell gives their girlfriend SHOES???? Girlfriend can buy her own. I would’ve expected a little more out of spencer, like a Zales diamond or something.

    total idiots. can we please move on from them?

  8. Oh. WOW. The boat was docked??

    Her facial expression is perfect in the photos where she got the shoes she likely ordered herself.

    When did people become such freaks? And when did we start caring?

    AND WHY AM I COMMENTING ON THESE IDIOTS?

    *ugh*

  9. Really??

    This is the girl who said:

    “I cried myself to sleep that first night after my video came out,” she says. “I just couldn’t understand why people I didn’t even know felt the need to be so cruel and hurtful toward me.”

    Really?? Maybe it’s because you pull shit-bag stunts like this. We don’t have to know you to know that you’re a vapid c*nt.

  10. Rod Carew

    These pictures are pathetic and setup, and yet faggy celebrity gossip sites like this buy them each and EVERY time.

    Way to stick it to the man, Superfish.

  11. nice stripper shoes

  12. Jordan's Mother

    What kind of dumb fuck buys his girlfriend shoes? The pictures are a complete joke, and I really want to believe these two are in on the joke. They just have to be right? It’s just not possible for any person(s) to be this big of a stupid douchebag, This is all just way beyond ridiculous.

  13. Harmon Killebrew

    Rod, you were only a singles hitter, don’t go mouthing off.

  14. *gong*

    The sheer overwhelming amount of douche here is suffocating me.

  15. Ted from LA

    I got a cavity looking at these pictures.

  16. C@rpediem

    Why why why why why!? She’s clearly an idiot. She’s a brain dead, talentless twat but somehow she manages to peddle that amateur home video and that cat strangling noise she calls a voice and actually make money off of it! Shit, I need a fucking reality show so I’ll never have to work again.
    Besides, what’s the fun of stalking someone to take their picture when they enjoy it? Seriously guys, she totally needs the papparazzi.

    By the way, I DIDN’T have sex last night (unless you count hands as people)

  17. meagain

    She’s always got the blow job mouth going.

  18. gits

    And yet…it’d be completely cool if during all the fake-candid pictures, he was muttering “yeah, take that shoe and shove it up your ass, you plastic bitch” and she was whispering “nice hair, but won’t your boyfriend be mad that you used up all the Astroglyde?”

  19. Ryan

    This looks like a half-assed Abercrombie ad. She’s a dumb cunt, but at least shes got a decent (but fake) rack to look at. These two (but mostly him) are as worthless as a used condom. Wait, I take that back, a used condom actually served a purpose at one point.

    Its true, she’s looking at a bright 15 minutes in porn.

  20. The Office Whore

    It’s like watching a Full House Marathon.

  21. Where’s that Northern Illinois University guy when you really need him…

  22. sharpeidude

    Heidi: “Wow Spence! You totally read my mind and bought me those shoes I
    was telling you about last month. You’re soooooo sweet!”

    Spencer: “Shoes? Those aren’t fucking shoes babe. It’s my dick in a box!”

  23. Public Relations Professionals

    stop it. they are such a great couple. i never do this, but it is time someone stands up for them. HATERS!

  24. Tony Oliva

    Eh numeros terteen and diez, choo both can suck my deeck!

  25. Marc

    How much dumber can “celebrities” get?

    I so hate all this self-important wannabe’s. I also hate these celebrities all getting knocked up. It’s a real trend now amongst them to over-populate the planet with dumb people.

  26. Rod Stiffington

    I’d lay it between those mountainous, gelatinous, fake titties and pump away – i don’t care who she is.

  27. juliebeanpie

    #17, I totally agree, I guess I’m too old to know who this chick is, but every time I see her picture, her mouth is wide open like that. Maybe she can’t get enough oxygen to her brain, or something.

  28. apwbdsgirl

    I think my favorite part is that there are the two different locations of her with “surprised wonder” face while opening up the shoes.
    First – her standing up looking over his shoulder.
    Second – him standing up watching over her shoulder.
    The only plausible explanation other than they’re totally staged (which they are) is that she has the comprehension skills of a two year old playing peek-a-boo. Just because he took them away and brought them back doesn’t mean they were ever gone, Heidi!
    Actually, they’re probably both staged and she’s that dumb.

  29. Josef

    What kind of pants is he wearing?

  30. Pimp Mamma M

    I am soooo sick of this chic and this girly-boy. I would have enjoyed photos of him whacking her over the head with that shoe, then she could have bent him over and gave him the big Jimmy Choo! Or maybe, he could have hit her in a fake breast with the shoe and we could watch the boob start deflating…….awww, she would start crying again, and I think we need to start seeing pix of her in tears. Yeah, my PMS is bad today…..

  31. Auntie Kryst

    How’s the douchebag going to eat that salad with a champagne flute in one hand and the salad plate and champagne bottle in another?

  32. miggs

    He seems more like the type that tosses salad.

  33. Alive…With Pleasure!

  34. my comment

    Guess old Horse Face and her gay boyfriend Eddie Munster will have to try a little harder next time and at least wrap the fake gift.

  35. Stan

    #21 – where’s the CIA when you need dual-waterboarding?

  36. Tinfoil Raccoon

    I’ve never seen two people have *that* much fun opening a shoe box.

  37. dingdong

    What the fuck is wrong with these people?

  38. RockTock

    This is why their “show” isn’t really reality TV, you get crap like this. Oh and white people is crazy.

  39. @33

    That was funny, best comment yet.

  40. Tinfoil Raccoon

    Actually, I should clarify my previous comment – the only time I’ve ever seen two people *that* happy to open a shoe box was the skit “Dick in a Box.”

    Unless there’s a dick in that box, then there’s just no need to be that happy.

  41. dana

    Look, Grover gave Janice some hooker shoes…

  42. your comment

    #34 is right – and why does she look surprised when the name is on the lid of the unwrapped box he was carrying? Also the price tag and bar code. Jesus, a little effort, please. MTV must assume their core audience is a bunch of retards.

    hmmm…it suddenly all makes sense…

  43. Mike

    These pictures look just like the first few pictures of a pornographic photo shoot.

  44. Sound

    “I got you overpriced shoes for your giant hooves, you horsefaced cunt!”

    “What a great Valentine’s Day gift! It’s exactly what a flaming bottom-gay would imagine a girl might want!”

  45. The Office Whore

    44. aaaaaaaahahahahaha! niiiice.

  46. ELIZABETH IN SOUTHERN CA

    HEY HEIDI IF YOU HAPPEN TO READ THIS:

    YOU ARE THE MOST ATTENTION SEEKING, UNNATURAL, BORING, FAKE ASS GIRL I HAVE EVER SEEN! YOU MUST REALLY HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM SINCE YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO GET ATTENTION WITH YOUR FAKE ASS MUSIC VIDEO AND PHOTOS. DO US ALL A FAVOR AND DISAPPEAR!!!!!!!! YOU ARE PATHETIC!!!!!! WE’RE ALL SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO GET FAMOUS FOR NOTHING!

  47. gotmilk?

    why is she carrying those flowers around all over the place? what a fucking joke these two are.

    the picture of him kissing her neck makes me sick. i think i’ve lost any desire to have sex after seeing that – at least for a few days.

  48. D. Richards

    I’d like to pay a hazmat clad, uber-gloved man to shove those roses right up Heidi’s fucking ass. Eat thorn, cunt.

    As for Pratt: at gunpoint, I’d have him strip out of his neatly-dirtied pants and lie on his back, blindfolded; whilst gouging out his fucking crouch with a shattered champagne bottle.

  49. Tinfoil Raccoon

    People, people, people.

    No need to be so harsh on the girl. Didn’t you read one of the earlier Fish posts quoting Spence calling Heidi an “artist”?

    She’s an artist! She likes to create art! ART, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!

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