Heidi Klum might be a plumber

November 16th, 2007 // 150 Comments
1116_heidi_klum_butt_00.jpg

Heidi Klum’s dress did a bad/awesome?/I dunno job of covering her ass at the 12th Annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night. As you can tell I’m not really sure how I feel about these shots, but I’ve decided to share them with you. Maybe because I hate you or maybe because I love you. It all depends on your interpretation of Heidi Klum’s ass crack. Actually, I’d prefer this instead of those ink blot tests my therapist uses. All I ever see in those things is Hayden Panettiere punching a dinosaur. Yeah, she’s mostly mad because my dad ordered us a new mommy from Russia because old mommy “didn’t understand that scotch gives daddy his superpowers.” Which makes sense. Whenever I drink scotch I suddenly develop the uncanny ability to vomit into the dishwasher. I should fight crime.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin.com, Getty Images
superficial

  1. steve

    that looks fuckin ridiculous. And gross. Skank.

  2. Annabel

    Yeap, pretty gross.

  3. Moi

    Agreed. Gross.
    And does she SING?? I really would never want to hear her sing. Ugh, dear goodness.

  4. ashleigh

    look at Seal in the second picture hahaha he is staring at her crack.

  5. moi

    hahahaha, of course he is!
    I never actually noticed how Seal looks like an actual (deformed) Seal! Amazing.

  6. redsonja1313

    unfortunatly more proof that children ruin bodies. I noticed her hips looked a whole lot larger than her counterparts in the VS anniversary pics this week too. But still it is WAY better then most women her age and most women after giving birth 3-4 times

  7. ashleigh

    I wouldnt exactly say her body is ruined

  8. Ted from LA

    Say what you wish, but she is great at unclogging sinks and toilets.

    If that Winehouse lady sees this crack, watch out.

  9. Bahnhof Gegenüber

    I especially like how her asscrack accentuates that really sexy mole growing on her reptilian spine. I wonder if she has a clown mirror in her dressing room, that inversely makes her ass look normal, and I also wonder if she duct-tapes her battcheeks together.

  10. Where’s the upskirt shot?

  11. LaDrones

    Hope she’s wearing Underalls.

  12. Who Cares

    Cheap just like a hooker. She should just go away after that. Pure whore looking.

  13. Kelly S

    SICK SHES TOO OLD FOR THAT DRESS

  14. I didn’t know Heidi had a Crack problem..?

  15. 74765

    yay for flat butts.
    yay for butterfaced flat-assed curveless bimbo sticks.
    *sarcasm*

    so NOT hot, trying so hard.
    *vomit*

  16. combustion8

    #7 exactly.. no matter what all the mom’s in here say, its the truth.

  17. 74765

    yay for flat butts.
    yay for butterfaced flat-assed curveless bimbo sticks, Victoria’s Secret’s trademark.

    so NOT hot, trying so hard.
    *vomit*

  18. cookie monsta

    hmmm barely concealed crack, is that a felony or a misdemeanor? Bet Brit would stick her head in there if she thought she would get a buzzzzz

  19. She can fix my pipes any time, especially the one I always carry around! ;-) Now, if only her ass weren’t so flat and narrow…

  20. KamUK

    What the hell does she see in that ugly guy? UGH I hope he is very rich.

  21. CJ

    Pretty nasty, but it’s her ass hanging out. I guess if she can live with it, who else matters? Certainly not us, and no one in the circles she runs in is going to tell her she looks nasty. Just another bimbo letting it all hang out. We should be numb after all crotch shots Brittney flashed us.

  22. KamUK

    God there are some jealous as fuck sad individuals on here aren’t there?

  23. KKKlum

    I wish she’d Auf Wiedersehen herself out of the public eye. Her grating voice and egocentric attitude overshadows any physical beauty she’s been blessed with. Her whole hollywood shameless self promotion tour has reached an all time high repulsiveness level.

  24. google this

    i never noticed that seal is less deformed on one side than the other.

    however, i think it’s tacky that his wife’s ass crack is out for all the world to see.

  25. Juls

    she looks amazing for having kids

  26. what the .....

    #26 you act like she’s accomplished some major feat. IT’S HER JOB. SHE GETS PAID MILLIONS TO LOOK GOOD. you’d probably look good too if someone was paying you. but since no one is, continue stuff your face with burritos.

  27. V

    That butt looks like a man’s butt. Maybe the births are phony and Heidi Klum is really Hymie Klum. After all, who saw the kids pop? Are they still alive?

  28. Lindsay

    redsonja1313 – Dude, your hips don’t change during childbirth. They are what they are, perhaps she has good child-baring hips though b/c she does pop out a lot.

    27- She does look pretty good. Her body at least, how old is this chick? Also, I’m sure number 26 looks just fine and probably hates burritos.

    Also is that not the grossest kiss EVER? Her nose is pushed right up eugh I guess she loves him but he’s a pretty interesting looking guy to be married to a super model.

  29. not so kosher

    #29…..she said on Oprah the first thing that got her interested in him was seeing him giant schlonh through his workout shorts. she just went on and on about it. shows how “deep” she is. don’t have to be pretty just have a hugh black snake.

    and yes. she is gross. her favorite food is sauerkraut soup. i can’t imagine how gassy she must be. probably why she’s wearing a dress with her ass out.

  30. not so kosher

    #29…..she said on Oprah the first thing that got her interested in him was seeing him giant schlong through his workout shorts. she just went on and on about it. shows how “deep” she is. don’t have to be pretty just have a hugh black snake.

    and yes. she is gross. her favorite food is sauerkraut soup. i can’t imagine how gassy she must be. probably why she’s wearing a dress with her ass out.

  31. xman

    what is gross is she married that thing

  32. xman

    what is gross is she married that thing

  33. um that look is so wrong! Not everyone can have a butt like mine ;(

  34. Bondsonroids

    For a tramp stamp she decided to get a big hairy mole. I disapprove.

  35. janice

    Do you people even care about what the fuck your government is doing to the world. Seriously i feel like fucking hitting all you shit heads in the fucking heads. Seriously kim person get over yourself can’t you see she is suffering. Look after your own backyard and get off of hers for fuck sakes. Who gives a shit what the hell she is or isn’t. Do you have any idea how many soldiers have died in canada in the last 6 months. kim man go devote your time to something that is real………………… is your life that vacant?

  36. janice

    and congrats on your butt that should get you far! I know my did…………..

    j

  37. Lady Sin

    DESPERATION : The new scent by Heidi Klum……

  38. gosh…i like her top~~!! it’s so sexy!!

  39. raptor_egg

    Good job, Superficial. Another week wasted. See you Monday!

  40. sheila

    that’s a little much! she obviously doesn’t get enough attention if she’s talking about her husband’s package on Oprah, so i’m not that shocked. how Britneyesque…

  41. He looks like the Eraserhead baby

  42. Doesn’t she host Project Runway? She’s officially UNQUALIFIED to ever talk about fashion again.

  43. superficial, but not a cunt.

    #5 an actual deformed seal? Nice.
    Do you usually make fun of people who got messed up from a disease?
    I get that this is the superficial, but we’re not talking about anything he did to himself or what clothes he is wearing etc.
    It’s not even fucking acne scars its from a disease you prick

  44. The Daily Mail

    I don’t want to see models or actresses “who look good for having kids.” I can see that when I ride the bus.

  45. ScuttlingCrab

    Don’t start burning the KKK crosses on her lawn just yet. As far as I’m concerned, Seal just took one worthless bitch off the market so she can’t bother anyone else.

    And likewise, no other woman will have to look at Seal’s mutilated voodoo face as he labors stertorously on top of her.

  46. selina

    how sexy she is, maybe nowadays people think that sexy people is preety and popular, because her photos on a dating site called sugarcupid.com are liked by many people.

  47. Angela

    OH !!!!!!11 MY!

  48. Snarky McComments

    In picture #2 Seal is thinking, “Man, I’m smokin’ that crack tonight”.

  49. SSS

    She is a very beautiful woman starting to show her age, but instead of dressing classy, she mistakenly thinks dressing like a young tramp will hide her age. Had that dress not revealed her upper buttocks, and been a few inches longer, she would have looked a lot better (and not posing so desperately would have been nice).

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