Heidi Klum is fat

Heidi Klum has made plans to lose all her baby weight before the next Victoria’s Secret fashion show in November – two months after she is due to give birth to her second child – so that she can get back on the runway. She recently told reporters, “My trainer is going to fly in from New York and he’s gonna kick my booty.”

Losing the weight is admirable, but somebody needs to step in and tell Heidi that she’s too old to be getting back into modeling. If I wanted to return to the octagon to reclaim my UFC heavyweight belt, I’d want somebody to step in and stop me from doing something stupid. Not because I’m too old, but because my fists are registered weapons with the government, and beating up those whippersnappers just wouldn’t be fair to them.