Heidi Klum has an ugly baby

October 19th, 2005 // 48 Comments

in_touch_heidi_baby.jpgIn Touch Weekly has photos of Heidi Klum’s new baby, and boy if it isn’t the ugliest looking baby I’ve ever seen. Last time I checked, human babies are usually supposed to look like humans, and not weird rodent creatures you might find in the sewer. At this rate it looks like he’s going to grow up to be the next Mole Man, and in twenty years he’ll probably make some lame attempt to take over New York City and kill all the “surface dwellers” only to be foiled at the last minute by some meddlesome kids. And I know it’s cruel to make fun of a baby that can’t even hold its own head up, but he should have thought of that before he was born an ugly mole creature.


  1. Zanathon

    That picture ought to be on the cover of the Enquirer with the headline:

    “Beautiful Super Model Gives Birth to Ugly Troll Baby”

  2. sjb16

    I know she’s proud of giving birth to her “baby”, but she definitely shouldn’t of been on the cover with a baby that looked like that thing.

  3. beachgirl53

    The worst part is she’s so hot that the “baby” (prune) looks even uglier by comparison. Way to boost your kid’s self esteem from an early age, Heidi.

  4. rivercmb

    I bet she’s feeding that kid with a shovel in his basement cell

  5. ESQ

    WOW! Obviously, the baby did not get her looks.

  6. DannyJames

    that thing looks like it was shit out.

  7. Jayne

    This proves not every child is a miracle.

    I hope it gets better to look at when it gains some baby fat.

  8. jimmy cliff williams

    Anyone agree that this thing looks like a miniature version of Usher?

  9. beachedwhale

    Superficial, this is the funniest story you have posted in the six months that I have been reading. I am STILL laughing about it!

  10. PhDiva

    You people obviously haven’t been around infants. In their very first weeks, many babies look very tiny and ancient. Most American celebrities won’t let cameras shoot their babies at this age because they are so obsessed with appearances. I also think the comments are a bit racist because this is a black/biracial child. Black children are usually very beautiful, but they take several weeks to get darker and plumper. Many black babies look white and wrinkled when they are first born, and then become very attractive. In any case, this is an infant. Stop being so nasty and give the baby a break.

  11. angeleyedsinner21

    You people are extremely shallow to be putting down an innocent little baby! Is it really necessary to pick on defenseless people? I bet you all enjoy picking on little old ladies and mentally challenged people too huh? That’s just sad. Didn’t your mother ever tell you that calling babies ugly will result in your own child being born ugly as hell! lol good luck to you all because karma is a b!tch!

  12. Dee

    All babies are scrunched up and funny looking when they are that young. The baby will be adorable when it grows into itself!!

  13. stephanie

    I’d say 99% of all babies are ugly when they are born. This baby though is amazingly ugly though. It’s almost amazing she loves him. He does look like a little usher! LOL! Thankfully I already had my kids and they are cute as hell so I can talk all the shit I want on the little troll baby!

  14. duster200

    Besides being extremely witty and not remotely racist, I’m sure the people who made comments 1-9 must all be gorgeous creatures.

    After all, only intelligent, successful and beautiful people would actively gain pleasure from laughing at a baby they thought was ugly, right?

  15. robot_turkey

    You racist, ugly cunts make me want to vomit all over you. (That includes the author of the article.) There is NOTHING wrong with how the baby looks. He had JUST BEEN BORN!! EVERY LAST BABY IN THE WORLD LOOKS JUST LIKE THAT MINUTES AFTER IT’S BORN. ALL BABIES, EVEN YOU PEOPLE. When your mothers oozed you out of their collective twats all of you hateful people more than likely looked like inverted maggots. I bet you’re also hypocrites who tell others not to pick on children of celebrities because they’re “innocent” and can’t help who their parents are. Yet you pick on babies who are the most innocent human beings in the world. This is beyond disgusting.

  16. erudite_travelgirl

    Are you ignorant or just jealous? I stumbled on this site trying to locate a picture of Heidi’s baby, and I am saddened to read the article and comments. My only reproof is this: All children are sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, and should be treated and respected accordingly.

  17. EvilCutie25

    I’ve had 2 children myself and when they are first born they look like that- After a couple of weeks they start looking like a baby, get their cute plumpness and everything- But everybody looks kinda weird when they’re first born, her baby will be cute once it’s out of the infant stage:) Course, I think all babies are precious:)

  18. WymerMom

    Well you how they say “a face only a mother could love”. Well I think it works here. I too have bi-racial (hispanic/caucasion) children my oldest and youngest were sooo ugly I asked to send them back LOL. The nurses asked if my husband (whitey) was the father. I find it comforting to know such a pretty girl had a baby that looked like mine, I was starting to think I was the only one with a ugly baby :-)
    Kuddos for Heidi showing off her ugly baby

  19. Mike J. Cole

    I hope she has at least one more baby with the world’s ugliest Negro. That way there will be confirmation that the first one was not an aberration.

    I’m certain that she has intentionally not gone public with the baby, because she thinks he will get over his super ugly looks as he grows older. Of course with that logic the public will never see the child-young boy-young man-etc… Because he’s always going to be one ugly SOB. Notice how there have

    This will be a good lesson for all women who are delusional and think that having a baby with a Negro will produce a beautiful baby. LOL, LOL, LOL

    What morons… She is certain to be a proud democrat…

  20. mama nock

    That’s damn shame that some of you one tracked-mind adults talking about that baby like that. Most you who had negative comments are white people who has white babies or no babies @ all. Your comments was very racist. You all wouldnt be saying that if Heidi Klum was married to a white man, ya’ll will holla, “Aww, that baby is so beautiful”! If you ever look outside of your kind and find that people who have mulit- and bi- racial children ARE the most beautiful children in the world. I dont think you want me to hit ya up on some famous celebrites with mixed children.

  21. prettygrl

    Well, I have to agree with the majority, the baby is “cute”, is innocent etc., etc.,and more than anything the poor thing is butt ugly. It’s gonna take a full large size can of lard to plump him up and expect a miracle.

  22. Tikidoll

    Enough with the complaints! This site is satirical and has chosen this ugly baby as it’s subject. Sure, all babies are shrivelled and ugly when they are born, but this one is extra ugly.

    And as for #20 who claims this is racial, who said anything negative about it being black? That has nothing to do with it. If something is ugly, it’s ugly no matter where it came from. You are pretty dumb to assume that we would all love the baby if it were white. I’m not even all white, so shows how ignorant you are. Now you can’t speak the truth because it looks racist. No black baby can be ugly now, according to you. If we say that, we are racist. If you acknowledged people as people and not ‘black’ or ‘white’ you’d realise it’s not racist to say a harmless truth. The baby is ugly.

    Lastly, for everyone who thinks it is so mean to make fun of an innocent baby: it’s a fucking BABY! It can’t read. It doesn’t know that we think it’s ugly and I daresay this post will we well buried by the time it can. I’m sure it could grow up to be a gorgeous b-racial child, but right now, it’s fugly and doesn’t know we think so.

  23. roccolocko


  24. chan40

    Some of the statements on here have been racial in nature. So for anyone, whether they are all white, a little white, or whatever, to dismiss that is just another example of how little people know about what can be offensive to other races. And it’s those people who make inappropriate jokes or comments around people of different races. This baby is no uglier than Brad and Angelina’s little Yoda look-a-like (have you seen those ears?). At any rate, for the person who said that Seal is the “World’s Ugliest Negro,” although I question if Negro was that person’s first choice in words, don’t hate the brother because he was able to land such a hot piece of white tail that some socially retarded individual like yourself could never hope to get. All babies are ugly at that age. I’ve never seen a cute one right out of the womb. And what nature doesn’t fix for Brangelina and Seal’s new baby, their parents are certainly rich enough to afford the best plastic surgeons.

  25. Ms-Leebee

    Maybe it’s a supermodel thing.
    Christie Brinkley + Billy Joel = a daughter that ended up looking like him.

    Besides, that newborns are ugly thing is pure crap. Some people are ugly, some are not. Not all newborns are created equal.

  26. ana

    What I have read in this article and the comments, are one of the cruelest, most horrible things I have ever heard.This shows how stupid, ignorant, superficial, empty and sad american people have become.Not all.talking like this about A BABY.yes its true, there are racist comments, but thats not even the point.people have called the baby as “a thing” troll, etc.even saying how can the mom love him?If u are this cruel with an inocent baby then I cant imagine how cruel you can be with all the people around you.to the mom who said her babies were all cute so she can call this baby a troll, should be more carefully with her words…u never know what can happen to your kids.and to you all people, words have its weight, dont complain when something really horrible happen to you and no one will have mercy with you

  27. rumpleybum

    babies are for eating.

  28. babie jey

    you people are soo mean its a baby most of the babies are born like that so i can’t call that baby ugly

  29. blah_blah

    I hope these comments will be gone by the time the baby learns how to read. These comments are so cruel and stupid. Don’t you people know that NEVER judge people by their looks? and you people are making fun of a little baby that was just born! You might not know how ugly you were when you were first born because your parents were not celebrities like Heidi. But your parents still loved you and cherished you. Please be mature enough to respect people,even he/she is a little baby.

  30. frenchie

    okay…first of all how disrespectful toward the parents to sit there and call something that they made ugly…how immature and stupid are you people who are saying its ugly. most babies arent very cute until they get a little older, so get over it and find something better to do than talk shit on babies. how pathetic.

  31. lolalick

    26. FYI: This site is CALLED The Superficial…if you don’t want to read superficial comments…then this IS NOT the site for you!!!

    29. Personally, I was bloody gorgeous when I was born!! In fact, the doctor spanked me twice just because I was so damn cute!!

  32. Binky

    (And then what happened ?)

  33. cayana

    #27 – and that one comes with extra ugly sauce. Num!

  34. jdogi

    Geez! What is the world coming to? If you can’t make fun of ugly babies then what can you make fun of?

    I agree that anybody who thinks that this baby is ugly is defintely a racist. I mean logic dictates this. In fact recent studies at the University of PC have found conclusive evidence that anyone who is not a minority is a racist. If the person is not a minority and also thinks that this baby is ugly, then that person is considered to be a double-racist.

  35. PontiacFlanagan

    I think Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are both ugly as fuck. Does that make me a racist?

  36. well, she was really never that hot herself

  37. TruelyLovely

    Are you fucking serious you people are disgusting!Most of you are probley considered some of the most ugly “adults”in the world and some of you yourself probley have just”average”looking children!Im sickend by all of you imagin being in WATER for NINE MONTHS and coming out of a 10CM HOLE!HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU LOOK!?PRUNIE AND WRINKLY!!People like you who would go so far as pointing out a innocent precious childs flaws oviously have no resepct for yourself probley have horrible SELF ESTEEM!AND WAAAAAY TO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS!People get a life and look at your own children because im sure there NOT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD BUT YOU LOVE THEM ALL THE SAME RIGHT?Well hopefully!The comments you all have just made make me sick!Anyways im sure once her little one grows up he will be just as beautiful as you seem to think your children are!GROW UP PEOPLE AND ONCE AGAIN GET A LIFE!
    p.s. I’d like to see some your children hours or days after they were born!Let’s see what the people have to say!

  38. unbelievable

    how rude…you people are UNBELIEVABLE…i wonder if the person that wrote this article even has anyone that would fuck them in the first place, nevermind want to produce a baby with them, probably not. do you understand that you are talking about a child? ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING! which person are you jealous of…heidi or seal? Maybe both? well it sounds like it, you made yourself look really stupid, congratulations. i bet you look like an alien creature yourself, besides the fact that you are a complete ass.

  39. jessica

    arent you all forgetting who shes married to…SEAL…probably the UGLIEST person on this planet…no wonder the kid turned out like this..i feel bad for heide….shes soo hoot yet she had a kid that looks like this.
    i blame seal for why the kid looks like this.

  40. tammy

    lolalick, the reason why the doctor spanked you twice wasn’t because he thought you were so dam cute so get over yourself you munchkin umpa lumpa, the doctor was trying to spank the ugliness off your damn face, but alas, to no avail..

  41. fuck you

    racist racist racist …

  42. Amir

    hi guys,
    what do u wait from a pretty lady fucked by ugly negro? handsome baby
    I didn’t understand these bitches who marry or sleep with this ugly negros

  43. foobarr

    Damn, that baby is so ugly that when it was born, the doctor slapped Hedi instead.

  44. SAM

    Not all babies look like that so don’t stereotype I have pictures to prove it some babies are adorable when they are born, people shouldn’t be so hard it’s an innocent baby.Heidi is proud because every mother loves their children, to her they’re beautiful.I’am sure Heidi’s gotten wind of comments left about what they think of her baby and she really shouldn’t be putting her child out there like that ,as a celebrity people will make all kind of comments and she knows it,it’s people magazine .

  45. Liz

    i think all of you should see this link

    look and see how the baby looks now. not so ugly now, huh? all of you who called this baby a troll are disgusting indeed. i dont see how u can call a newborn ugly, they all pretty much look like that. jesus fucking christ.

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