Heidi Klum and Seal buy a giraffe

April 21st, 2006 // 100 Comments
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superficial

  1. Vampyreska

    First!

  2. tits_on_snack

    WOW

  3. Vampyreska

    That last picture is actually pretty funny :)

    Now how do they fit the baby into the Ferrari if there is no backseat? Do they do a Britney?

  4. mamacita

    Well, The Fish is really on top of things today as far as getting the stories up early, but woo, what stories they are!!! Heidi Klum and Seal buy a stuffed animal!!! Pete Doherty gets arrested for a drug charge (for the eleventy billionth time)!!!! Vanna White, who has no recognizable or legitimate talent (unless you count keeping that frosted hair fad going for way longer than any normal person) gets a Star!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Binky

    I was wondering what happened to Mike’s Neverland critters.

  6. PapaHotNuts

    She already owns a seal.

  7. poisonys

    Heidi looks stylin’ in those pants. She’s so hot.

  8. Fisher55

    I bet they have fantastic sex, I hear Seal’s huge

  9. CourtL84

    wow…thats a funny sight,and a nice car

  10. Geno

    Aren’t they rich enough to buy a real giraffe? Obviously they really don’t love their children!
    http://catholictvguy.blogspot.com/

  11. Italian Stallion

    She just need’s a couple more things and her Ark will be complete………

  12. Dr.Rokter

    My parents got me educational toys as a child. I had “Penis Bear”. He was a regular teddy bear, but he had a penis. And he wasn’t ashamed of it.

  13. DonLes91

    #3 I bet they have another car that they use for the kids. I wouldn’t want any snotty nose kid drooling all over my leather interior. She can afford it. Wasn’t his last hit that song from one of those lame-ass Batman movies? Kissing a Rose or something?

  14. Grphdesi23

    Last Picture: Wow, Seal can really get it up.

  15. FatTony

    I feel the urge to write “Wash Me!” on the front of that car.

  16. Why the hell isn’t she wearing a seatbelt? Is she related to Ashanti, too?

  17. krisdylee

    That giant handbag has legs and a head… whoa, wake n’ bake Fridays are fun.

  18. Land-Man

    His face is fucked. Know why? I had to whip it repeatedly with the ol’ 14″.

  19. LoneWolf

    Guess they didn’t get enough attention while she was preggo, so they had to put the top down and and make a vehicle-inappropriate purchase. If it was December they’d have been bringing home a Christmas tree.

    Publicist: “Hello (insert tabloid of your choice)? Yeah, they’re going to be at Barney’s in Beverly Hills at 11:00…. We’re having the staff carry the giraffe out for them….makes them seem more accessible, y’know? No, they’re parking right in front….top down….you can only get one photog over there? WTF? Oh, that goddam Cruise kid….well, do what you can, okay? I know, mixed race babies can’t compete with aliens, but Jesus…..”

    By the way, I was in Scottsdale Wednesday night and I saw a Lambo that kicked that Ferrari’s ass. That’s right. It was sitting right next to me in traffic. So that makes me cool.

  20. PapaHotNuts

    I was in Scottsdale last week and I saw a V W van loaded with illegal immigrants get maced by an off-duty mall security guard. That’s was the last time I picked up a bunch of Mexican hitchhikers in my V W van.

    So that makes me even cooler.

  21. PapaHotNuts

    I wonder if was ever clubbed as a baby?

  22. bafongu

    For the love of Mike, how did that droopy assed, pocked face maroon land that chick? Doherty and Moss, Seal and Klum, who’s next? Jessica Alba going to throw herself at Al Roker?

  23. jennifer11

    a seal in the driver’s seat, a giraffe riding shotgun and those flares are big enough to hide an elephant.

    it’s a zoo out there.

  24. Italian Stallion

    Papa, Marc anthony called and said thanks for picking up J-Lo’s family. He was busy that day fucking Land-Man, and couldn’t make it……..

  25. Jacq

    #6 – Oh my god, you’re slipping. #20 Is better.

    #18 – Everyone knows he was in a horrible accident. He was accidentally hit repeatedly in the face with a soccer cleat.

    I’d just have a bull-horn and be yelling, “Look at me in this Ferrari, bitches! I’m rich! And I stick it to Heidi Klum! Beat that!” Then I probably get rear-ended by a guy with no insurance.

  26. Jacq

    That happens to my friend, too. Convertibles give him a rager. Topless stuff is sexy.

  27. PapaHotNuts

    I’m staying out the Land-Man controversy, unless he feels like he needs to clown me about something. His post on the Vanna White post was actually great.

  28. Star Maker Machinery

    The rate Heidi’s career is going, she’ll need to get speared by another European tycoon ASAP!

  29. Zanna

    Looks to me that they bought this giraffe off of a couple of homeless midgets.
    And them scars – it’s cuz he had the Lupus.

    I don’t know if anyone has ever clubbed that Seal, PapaHotNuts but it gives a whole new meaning to “i’d hit it”

  30. BigJim

    As the resident Canadian, I volunteer to club this seal’s brains in.

  31. I demand new stories dammit, I want to hear about Natasha Lyon trying to get out of rehab by giving blow-jobs, or Tara Reid trying to get her show back on E by giving blow jobs, or Lindsey Lohan getting arrested for smoking crack in an alley and trying to get out of it by….well I think you see what I’m getting at here.

  32. Picture 3:

    Keep trying, Heidi, those nasty-ass pock scars DO NOT wipe off…

  33. Fisher55

    *22: he’s a rock star. women see him onstage performing and get drenched. plus he’s like 6’5″, which is hot despite limey teeth

  34. Fisher55

    papa, i though #6 was the shizzle

  35. Fisher55

    oops, wrong fucking thread. i’m a tool.

  36. trophywife

    15 – i’m with ya… although i think that is heidi’s ass prints on the hood of that car. if i had a car like that, i’d wanna get my brains fucked out on top of it too..

  37. Heidi goes from a pair of Italian men old enough to be her father (the last, perhaps, old enough to be her grandfather) to a black guy with ritual scarring. This chick has some taste. We should take bets as to who she goes for next. I call dibs on an underage Vietnamese day laborer with one eye and a Pete Doherty smile.

  38. ACtually Seal doesn’t have rituatl scarring. I don’t want to bum you out #37 but he has those scars from a bout with Lupus.

    But it really doesn’t change the fact that Tom Cruise thinks cock is delicious.

  39. gogoboots

    I think it’s really cute, although I really hate her pants, what’s with those buttons on the front, didn’t those sailor duds go out in the 70s?

  40. bafongu

    Love isn’t just blind, it’s deaf and dumb with a club foot and rectal bleeding….

  41. mamacita

    Somebody do some CSI shit with that 2nd picture and tell me what her belt buckle says.

  42. owenluvsdd

    Maybe Seal just wanted something in the house to have more black blotches on its face than he!?!? Do i sound bitter!? haha…Hell Yeah! Look at that car..look at the model in the car..he brought out one good song that he re-releases every year to make a pay check and we don’teven need to go into his looks!! Sometimes i wish the world would be hit by a comet just to make rightous all of the wrong…like him dating her! I’m not even a huge HK fan…but come one! Lets have some common sense!

  43. Iambananas

    How did suck an ugly guy get such a pretty girl???? I don’t mean to be mean, but his car is ever dirty! With all that money, get a car wash… puh-leaze. And I hope their baby took after mom, because Ide hate to think there’s another one of him… he muct have one heck of a personality.

  44. Iambananas

    I wonder how much the giraffe cost?? Probably as much as my car.

  45. PapaHotNuts

    @41
    I blew it up in photoshop and the buckle states:

    “Thak God He Has a Huge Cock Because He Looks Like Gap-Toothed Sea Turtle.”

    Or something like that. It was a little blurry.

  46. LookAtME

    What’s with the two homosexual illegal immigrants in photo 2 that look like they really don’t want to give up that giraffe?

  47. Miss_Marple

    Okay superficial… stop fucking around. What’s up with all the bullshit stories? Get something good and please… no stealing from the sites of others.

  48. BarbadoSlim

    Oh my god that chick is hot, those legs and that loooong sensuous neck, I’d hit THAT!!

    Heidi Klum is not bad either.

  49. mamacita

    @48

    I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this one before, but if not, use it the next time you’re with a girl. “Hey, you know what? You’re a sensuous woman.”, then the girl says “Awww, really? Thanks :)” and then you say, “Yeah, bitch, sinceyouwas up, get me a beer”. I heard a total redneck say that a while back and I have to confess, it’s the only intentionally funny thing I’ve ever heard a redneck say.

  50. Italian Stallion

    @45 I could have swore it said MULLATO……

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