Heidi Klum promotes the ‘perfect’ breast-holding apparatus. Not counting me. (Obv.)

March 3rd, 2009 // 330 Comments

Heidi Klum unveiled Victoria’s Secret new bra “The Perfect One” in Los Angeles today, and I take immediate umbrage with this item’s claim. If it’s so perfect where’s the beer cozy? Xbox? Remote device that pops said bra open at the push of a button?! Seriously, Victoria’s Secret, it’s like you’re not even trying. I’m so taking this thing back. Just as soon as I figure out how to unhook it….

UPDATE: Little help?

Photos: Getty, Splash News
superficial

  1. renalove33

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  2. Ryan

    Hot…

  3. heidi is looking a little tired (read: old)

  4. Assmonkey

    German girls are the best

  5. Guest

    Is she wearing?
    Cause if she is….than it’s
    definantly not the best.
    Her boobs look WEIRD

  6. Darth

    FIRST FIRST FIRST

  7. The Emperor

    Darth, you loser, why don’t you just go back to your mom’s basement and spend some quality time with your Princess Leia doll?

  8. Parker

    She also has the perfect penis-holding apparatus: her tight ass.

  9. Tranny

    Who the h cares about heidi klum, she’s NOT EVEN HOT anymore. did you actually see that picture?
    FUGLY.
    Can we please talk about something interesting, like the crazy Bachelor episode last night? Like this article: http://thepopfix.com/2009/03/03/the-bachelor-reaches-a-new-low/

  10. 0_o

    How and why is she married to Seal? I wonder if he has scars on his 8=====D and or if his 8====D is a long piece of scar tissue.

  11. Deacon Jones

    V.S. doesnt do it for me anymore…

    Just give me a roll of duct tape and a ball gag

  12. meee

    victoria’s secret just keeps making the same like, 3 bras over & over & calling them something different & jacking up the price. booooo

  13. old or not, I would bang her like a drum…

    @9-well said

  14. Sauron

    Blonde chicks in black,that always gives me a boner.Does she like to climb a tree?

  15. John Johnson

    Them look juggtacular to me

  16. Rick

    She’s “well preserved.”

    She’s “holding up well.”

    She’s “attractive for an older woman.”

    If all the young chicks were dead, I’d definitely enrich her life with my thick ropey semen.

  17. Nero

    Something tells me this is a pretty kinky one.Note that i didn’t forget the nipple clams this time.

  18. Valerie

    I want this bra, I think–bra shopping sux btw–fucking things cost $40-60 at V.S. But hell, comfort is comfort!

    Yeah Heidi is kinda old and had a few babies, but she’s 35 and a millionaire….can you top that?

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  20. I suppose I’d settle for an old bag like Heidi Klum.

  21. T-Mon

    love that woman. Kids and still looking perfect and not to mention her personality.

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  24. Seal's toy

    This woman is a disgrace. I hope she get’s battered by him one day.

  25. veggi

    I’d like to place an order for the beer cozy bra please..

    Leave out the Xbox though. I have boobs. Who needs an Xbox??

  26. Mike

    This chick is amazingly older looking than my thirteen-day-younger wife.

  27. Ein

    Now there is a woman you can hold hands in public and say shit like “love you”.

  28. Fati

    She’s old.

    @5 – I’m sorry, were you serious when you said that German women are the best? Have you ever been to Germany? It’s pretty scarry there, man. They have a few models, like any nation, but their general population’s women are the ugliest in the world.

  29. Ronan

    I contest that my cupped hands are in fact a superior breast holding device and am available to defend my claim at any time that Heidi Klum is available.

  30. 1moreidiotintheworld

    That bony bitch was their best choice to sell bras???????????

  31. I call 'em as I see 'em

    Is this the woman who that fashion douche said was “too fat” to be modeling?
    Is he serious?
    She looks pretty damn great.
    And I don’t even like her.
    But you have to admit, she looks pretty damn great.
    (And she sure as shit looks better than that Madonna abomination. Madonna, who is modeling now, curse her! My poor eyes…)

  32. Her face is looking very sharp, she must have had a facelift. And her armpits look weird so an armpit reduction as well…. maybe.

  33. Gandalf's Sleeve

    Heidi is an attractive lady. She looks great.

  34. yes alright, her udders look fine. Next.

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  36. AirMail

    Always a class act! Pam Anderson could take some lessons.

  37. vito

    Serious question: WHO GIVES A FUCK?!
    Maybe Victoria should have kept it a secret.

    PS: Heidi Klum. YumYum!

  38. vito

    er…YoomYoom!

  39. Somedays she looks hot, other days she looks like Seal beat her ass with Americas Next Top Dildo

  40. truth

    Once in awhile she can fake it, but her peak was many years ago.

  41. Meanwhile…
    Chinese guy on the right say : Well. Ok. This all a bit too much. I hate to bwring this up.Because I don’t weelee want to admit this now – but as far as this 9/11 thing goes -they pweviously had me with ‘free fall collapse speed’ through undamaged steel structure. You know…
    That type of thing.
    Chinese guy on the Left : Oh.
    Chinese guy on the right : Ok. Right….Oh…. Do you have any popcorn ?

  42. Houston.
    We have a problem.

  43. Cid

    Sure, she’s attractive, but after Seal pounds her in the ass (yes, an inside job) her farts are absolutely rancid.

  44. Not weelee sure you understand the context there # 45.
    But we willing to give you a ‘pass’

  45. What about an AMPUTATION, folks?(breasts)

  46. lola

    Everything in Victoria’s secret is incredibly overpriced Chinese-made crap. The stuff looks nice, fits okay, and falls apart. I find their products to be uncomfortable. I always come across a ton of VS stuff at thrift stores (half of the time new with tags) because people buy the stuff and realize it wasn’t worth it. Heidi looks perfect here!

  47. Say Gerald. How are things at Vector Motors ?
    Inside job ?

    “Both the lawyers for the young men and the Israeli Embassy chalk it up to immature conduct. “

  48. “Said one of the men, denying that they were laughing or happy on the morning of Sept. 11, “The fact of the matter is we are coming from a country that experiences terror daily. Our purpose was to document the event.” ”

    Say Gerry and Lola . Inside job ? How about you Bud Lite ?

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