Heidi & Spencer are Releasing a Sex Tape

August 20th, 2010 // 226 Comments

Exactly like they announced their divorce on a late Friday afternoon, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt bring you “The Pretend Spencer is Hocking a Sex Tape Without Heidi’s Consent Even Though Everyone Knows How These Deals Work By Now” news story everyone saw coming a mile away. After Heidi’s balloon-tits. TMZ reports:

Vivid honcho Steven Hirsch tells us, “I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag.”
He continues, “We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal.”
Spencer has told a friend that the alleged tape “makes Kim Kardashian look like an amateur.”

I hope Vivid enjoys ten minutes of Spencer banging a mannequin while covering his mouth and talking in a falsetto voice because that’s exactly what they’re about to get. Although to his credit, there’s absolutely no way anyone will be able to tell the difference. The kid’s sharp, I’ll give him that.

VIVID EXEC #1: I don’t know, man. I mean, what do you think?
VIVID EXEC #2: It’s impossible to tell. No, wait, her head fell off.
VIVID EXEC #1: And?
VIVID EXEC #2: …. Good point.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. burton

    hahahaha…i read that asian stuff…

    all i have to say is you guys look nice when your young but time is NOT on your side, after 25 you all look weathered and old and just like each other.

  2. vespo

    Do you guys want to know the worst part? Vivid is going to pay these pigs 5 MILLION DOLLARS FOR THEIR SEXTAPE!!!!!! 5000000!!!!! I hate this fucking world!!!

  3. Canadian

    I’m jerkin it to a pretty tasty Taiwanese lady right now, DPs are my favorite. We love that shit in Canada, keep it coming.

  4. Brooke

    “Make Kim Kardashian look like an amateur”…. but, she WAS an amateur. Or maybe I’m naive.

  5. Heidi Montag
    Kristin
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like that WWE lady wrassler

  6. pookiewookie

    Are people so #$%@ bored that they have to watch fake garbage? What a bunch of @#$%^!!!!!!

  7. Heidi Montag
    Commented on this photo:

    Heidi has done so much cosmetic work, at such great expense it would be a shame to let all that go to waste. I’d drill my schlong into those engorged fish lips of hers until I heard her gag reaction. I’d flip her over and then pound my schlong into her dirt tunnel, ( I hear from good authority that Heidi likes it up the poopchute… ). The only problem is, she is so plastic, it would be like bouncing on a Suzy Blow-up doll with three avaliable orifices. I would still ream all three of her mosit wet openings until she lay there gaspng and whimpering. Heidi, call me. You’ll enjoy it.

  8. Heidi Montag
    kaili
    Commented on this photo:

    She was beautiful! Just was!

  9. Heidi Montag
    Tiffany
    Commented on this photo:

    so much work and money and yet theres nothing special

  10. Heidi Montag
    edje
    Commented on this photo:

    doe die kleren uit geile snol

  11. RtSS

    Heidi has done so much cosmetic work, at such great expense it would be a shame to let all that go to waste. I’d drill my schlong into those engorged fish lips of hers until I heard her gag reaction. I’d flip her over and then pound my schlong into her dirt tunnel, ( I hear from good authority that Heidi likes it up the poopchute… ). The only problem is, she is so plastic, it would be like bouncing on a Suzy Blow-up doll with three avaliable orifices. I would still ream all three of her mosit wet openings until she lay there gaspng and whimpering. Heidi, call me. You’ll enjoy it.

  12. joho777

    The appeal of a plastic blow-up doll like Heidi will be minimal.

    Like most of the other celebrity sex tapes released, it will disappear from the public awareness about 7 minutes after Heidi announces it’s release.

    Heidi certainly has nothing to worry about. Everyone will immediately forget that she “starred” in a sex tape. Just like they can’t remember if she has ever acted in a film. Same difference.

    So she has nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep.

  13. Peter

    @Typical you’re a very troubled person,go seek therapy before you harm yourself or anyone .
    Ontopic I can’t wait to see the sextape althoug I rather see her natural without the silicone and stuff.

  14. Heidi Montag
    hosefacemidgetporn
    Commented on this photo:

    hahahaa that’s hilarious with the zoom lens & shopped to hell foto’s desperately trying to make them teeny tiny legs look long & a ‘shopped in neck where she ain’t got one muahahaaa ..
    thanks for the bellylaugh i’m dyin’ ..
    she is a sick mutha skank ewwwww lawwwwwwwd so desperate ..
    it’s pathetic ..

  15. Ballocks

    You guys realize it’s gonna be the worst sex tape ever, all hype and you probably won’t see a thing it’ll be dark or blurry or shaky filming. It’ll be lame and another money ploy just like their entire existences so far. Would be nice to see her get railed though :)

  16. Heidi Montag
    Pistola
    Commented on this photo:

    This girl should really never be photographed from a low angle.

  17. heidi's MUM

    Seeing Heidi get rammed would be interesting but here’s what i’m thinking…If this is just a massive PR stunt, and the fake divorce was just a way to release this sex tape to get money and fame …imagine how bad it will be…the “candid” pap shots of her and Spencer where so fake and staged, i have a feeling she will just be posing, fake groans, pouting with wide eyes. It will probably be more beauty shots and not anything explicit.

    it will be nice to see her before the surgery as it might actually be genuine footage from their sex life. Probably be her talking to the camera and topless, nothing really dirty.

    With all this i mind, the thought of Spencer sweating with a steaming hard cock might be the deal breaker.

  18. Heidi Montag
    Giggity
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve always wondered what Quagmire from Family Guy would look like as a chick, now I know :)

  19. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    She already has that scary freak look on her face that tells you in instant that she has had a few too many surgeries. I feel bad for her that not only is she fucking stupid herself, but there was no one in her life smart enough to have put her under a lock, so she wouldn’t have fucked up her life.

  20. sophie

    what a filthy whore

  21. keith

    I’m excited to see Spencer’s dick.. and his ass too

  22. brit boys are cool

    She resembles one of those love dolls that Howard Stern used to promote.

  23. Heidi Montag
    Aunt Jemima
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet she is the most boring lay ever.

  24. Heidi Montag
    Sangria
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s a shame, is that this is as good as it gets after thousands and thousands of dollars. What a waste! She could have given me $5 to poke her eyes out and kept the rest for something more important, like the darkest legal tint on her windows and a lifetime supply of Ben & Jerry’s. My girlfriend looks better in the Polaroids I took while she was passed out in her own vomit.

  25. Heidi Montag
    pump shoes
    Commented on this photo:

    so much work and money and yet theres nothing special

  26. Drop it like its hot...

    @Typical:

    If asians are so smart, why didn’t you invent the atomic bomb first?

  27. Chris

    I’d like to see it, when does it come out?

  28. Bored with life

    I’d like to see Spencer stick his fist in her ass all the way to the elbow while calling her a no talented cunt.

  29. Bored with life

    The only celebrity porn tape that was any good was from the chick that was in Survivor…the rest are all sad excuses for porn.

  30. Heidi Montag
    aj
    Commented on this photo:

    she is so f***ing ugly. I remember when she was normal and i thought she was kinda pretty but now she just looks so fake that i wouldn’t even want to be around her. does she really think that she looks good cause i think that i have seen dolls that look better than her…. just to name one… raggity ann!! she is so dumb and blows money on that stupid shit when she should be saving it for when she is out on her ass with nothing. cause they networks aren’t gonna keep her around for anything. she ruined that when she ruined her face and married a complete dusch…..yeah that would be you spencer.

  31. Typical

    Haa haa! Troll’d y’all! Thanks for playing kids! Catch you on the flip side!

  32. Heidi Montag
    michelle
    Commented on this photo:

    she is so desperate for attention … ew

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