Heidi & Spencer are Releasing a Sex Tape

Exactly like they announced their divorce on a late Friday afternoon, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt bring you “The Pretend Spencer is Hocking a Sex Tape Without Heidi’s Consent Even Though Everyone Knows How These Deals Work By Now” news story everyone saw coming a mile away. After Heidi’s balloon-tits. TMZ reports:

Vivid honcho Steven Hirsch tells us, “I just got off the phone with Spencer Pratt about a sex tape with Heidi Montag.”
He continues, “We are in early negotiations to possibly come to terms for a deal.”
Spencer has told a friend that the alleged tape “makes Kim Kardashian look like an amateur.”

I hope Vivid enjoys ten minutes of Spencer banging a mannequin while covering his mouth and talking in a falsetto voice because that’s exactly what they’re about to get. Although to his credit, there’s absolutely no way anyone will be able to tell the difference. The kid’s sharp, I’ll give him that.

VIVID EXEC #1: I don’t know, man. I mean, what do you think?
VIVID EXEC #2: It’s impossible to tell. No, wait, her head fell off.
VIVID EXEC #2: …. Good point.

Photos: Pacific Coast News