Heidi Montag Just Likes to Feel Useful

September 8th, 2010 // 121 Comments

And now for the most shocking, and unpredictable news of the day: Heidi Montag is in a bikini! I realize some of you might not believe it, but let it be known, I admire your skepticism.

Here she is in Costa Rica yesterday pretending the paparazzi are somehow taking pictures of her from inside her house because that happens all the time and is entirely legal. On that note, anyone notice how she’s knocking back two strawberry daiquiris? Granted, one might be Spencer‘s, who’s hiding behind the water noodles until the shoot’s over, but then again, I’m not seeing a penis straw and/or a man’s washboard abs for it to be poured down which means Heidi’s a drunk. SHOW US YOUR BOOBS NIPPLE PARTS.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. cc

    If she was naked in pic 8, it would have been perfect. Her ass is nice, I don’t care what anyone says.

    She has her shortcomings, but I’d perform cunnilingus on this woman thrice daily given the chance. (I am good at it too.)



  3. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    wow they just shopped the fotos so much there ain’t even a background anymore ..what a JOKE …

  4. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She is plastic-ish but beautiful. I’d totally love some hot girl on girl action. She’s making me hot…

  5. Gando

    I don”t know why but she does start to look more and more like a Latina.

  6. Darth

    You’d always depend on the plastic surgeon’s beauty standards.

  7. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    why is she looking good?

  8. Rhialto

    The body looks pretty bangable.I happen to like these kind hips… *crosses fingers* Personally i did never complain about her body.

  9. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    If I looked like her I would be in a bikini all day, everyday. Why not.

  10. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    i thought she wore little bandaid things on her nose when she was alone at home – oops

  11. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone who thinks she doesn’t look good is drinking Haterade and eating Hatertots. She is essentially perfect now, which is probably a little repulsive in itself. It’s a shame she can’t fix what is on the inside, and get a new husband though.

  12. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    that’s so generous of you, t.

  13. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    and if i was a dude, i would bone the shit out of her too.

  14. Jen

    she should do porn. people would pay money to watch her get banged. but i guess she makes enough money as it is. im a straight chick and id like to watch her get banged. up the ass preferably.

  15. Ray Sist.

    Nice pussy-eating hips to hold onto.

  16. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    wow, that is one ****ing hot ass!

  17. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d give a nut to fuck her just once…

  18. Buffalo Dick

    She has those kind of teeth I like to come across….

  19. if she wants to feel useful she can make me a fuckin sandwich i happen to be ungry

  20. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Bored with life
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d reopen her tit surgery scars and then fuck her gaping wounds….

  21. sexmachine

    I’d fuck her!

  22. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Bored with life
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d reopen her breast surgery incisions and then fuck the shit out of her gaping holes…

  23. The Only Hetero in this Joint

    Thank you Fish – I’m going to pleasure myself now.

  24. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Brody Jenner
    Commented on this photo:

    thats just her “oh no, spencer thinks we’re skinny dipping” look, I mean c’mon you’d do the same if your “husbands” dick looked like a stick of chalk…

  25. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    she probably got all the shit taken out of her face and it healed nicely, shes lucky she realized how bad it looked while she’s still young and her body can heal itself properly.

  26. The Man

    I would like to plow between those tits with my twelve inch cock and blow my thick load on her chin

  27. sexylips

    PLASTIC FANTASTIC. Shes more plastic than human now.

  28. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn, she’s making me prone to forgiveness again. I’m a pathetic man-slut.

  29. Nokia 8900E


  30. Malewhore

    Yummy hips. Too bad about the MJ nose and duck lips. :/

  31. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Guess once you screw a goat youll get it up for anything huh? What a vapid ugly whore.

  32. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she coloring her hair at home? Awful, one-dimensional blonde. That’s not even mentioning the roots.

    I bet Heidi was the prettiest girl in the trailer park.

  33. Smiling Bob

    The new nose looks good. Now, leave it alone.

  34. Valentina

    Time for some cardio Heidi, you’re looking a little thick through the middle and the thighs.

  35. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She may be a vapid wad of silicone…. but holy s#%& is she hot! I hope she wakes up and stops wasting that package on that closeted dipschitt.

  36. E.

    dark armpits

  37. anonym

    i don’t like her, but i’d fuck that shit hard and rough

    anyone who wouldn’t is gay

  38. anonym

    she has a nice ass.

    is it real or fake?

  39. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    What a body…. This pisses all over Kim K’s (no pun intended) fake or not! I saw Heidi’s pics from Liquid Sun in that bikini- I don’t think you could be more perfect if you tried….. Get rid of the regrowth though girl!


    no no .like mi b.by. haiti

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  42. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Something has a happened to her face. Again. I hardly recognize her.

  43. ariel

    Ok..so this woman has had some surgery..be honest how many women/men will have surgery if money wasn’t a problem…lots and lots. A little surgery not too bad its a worry if you cannot stop…so train your mind to stop. It will be hard at first but achievable it you continue to try and try and try. I am a priest and love my job and believe I too have the right to be heard loud and clear. I like breasts very much so, bum, legs and face everyting about the woman I like. Most of all…I like woman’s mind. If woman has good mind I mean a very good mind, along with lovely face and shapely exercised body what more can man ask for. AND if she is a virgin I have won the lottery for life!!! If she is not a virgin and has become born again virgin (hasn’t bedded man for over 6 years…we have to be realistic in this day and age!!) I have won the lottery for life. So woman from a priests point of view…keep your legs shut for long time..because we men would like to think and believe that we are the first to taste your juice, and you will not run off with my dad or brother. If i am very honest all men would prefer a virgin someone that has knowledge but is willing to put that into practice in their honeymoon. What is the meaning of honeymoon. That is it, this is it honeymoon is entry time. May hurt initially but a nice kinda pain, pleasure pain, one everyman will cherish for rest of his life, ok.

  44. louis

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  45. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    I definitely like this Heidi more than the plastic one.
    I even like the roots showing. She looks human now.

  46. Jessica

    she looked ok before plastic surgery. now her face looks fat swollen and bloated. real nice work !

  47. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Dear Heidi,

    Please don’t get a breast reduction.


    Every man in America, nay… the world.

  48. Jen

    she looks smokin hot and every guy in the world would fuck her. but doesnt she wonder why she doesnt have friends and her family disowned her? she’s fucking nutty.

  49. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    i hate myself for what i want to do to those tits.

  50. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks pretty good to me.

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