Heidi Montag Found Some Suckers

With it already being confirmed that Heidi Montag was in on Spencer Pratt’s sex tape scam the whole time, that didn’t stop her from selling an exclusive interview to Life & Style before they had time to figure out she just lied her way to the bank:

On the bullshit that landed this entire interview:
“I’m not aware of his filming me, but I wouldn’t put it past Spencer. He’s a sneaky guy and has little cameras everywhere that he got from China.”

On her bullshit fear about the sex tape being released:
“I’m mortified at the thought that people could be looking at me naked before I had the surgery.”

On hating her Size F breasts which is bullshit:
“I’m desperate to go back to normal. I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D.I have major anxiety about it. I was taking painkillers but they weren’t working so I stopped. It hurt either way. I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.”

On how she’s stuck like this forever thanks to the death of Dr. Frank Ryan. — Bullshit:
“There’s just no fixing it. Dr. Ryan knows the work he did, he knows everything.”

In Life & Style’s defense, I can see how they might assume Heidi Montag is an innocent victim and not at all a carefully orchestrated publicity stunt wrapped in silicone that she apparently can never escape from because Dr. Ryan took the Matrix Cube with him to the underworld. She loves Jesus, you guys, and a Christian would never do porn, especially the gay kind, for a giant back end deal potentially in the millions. That’d be like Rupert Murdoch’s Saudi business partner funding the “mosque” at Ground Zero while FOX News pretends it’s a secret terrorist haven for ratings. These things just don’t happen.

Photos: Life & Style, Pacific Coast News