Because her and Douchebeard blew all their Hills money on crystals and back scoops, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt live in his parents house now while he gets his degree in political science. (No, really.) So here she is hosting at Crazy Horse III in Vegas over the weekend because while we may not get a lot of things right in this country, our sex industry is always there to help a woman in need provided she shows her boobs for money and is secretly a prostitute. I believe Ronald Reagan put it best when he said, “America is a shining city upon a hill where you can get your wiener touched for a dollar.”
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
That guy has the sweetest rack
I’m really shocked and quite disappointed today from this news, but still hopeful that it doesn’t mean much of anything until Heidi does start clocking around the pole.
A celebrity can be at the top of their game as Heidi once was, yet fall so far in a quick amount of time. Here’s to the rough waters ahead, Heidi, and make you find smooth sailing soon.
Randal
“A celebrity can be at the top of their game as Heidi once was.”
We ARE talking about that trashy whiny plastic monster from MTV’s “The Hills,” right? How was HM ever at the “top of her game?” What game in Hell that I never want to play is that? And was the “prize” hating herself so much that she’s desperately trying to turn herself into a (semi) human Barbie doll or marrying her gross can’t-even-grow-a-proper-beard loser, gross, loser, whiny, entitled hubby Spencer Pratt?
Ew.
I’d suggest that, before you continue on the internet, you familiarize yourself with “sarcasm”.
You’re clearly new to the Way of the Randal.
My apologies. I am new to The Randal. I bow to him. And you. And whomever, blah, blah, blah…
Ug. No ass.
Uh, have you seen who she’s married to?
That ass is almost as big s a Kardashian. Almost.
I wonder how many Johns she handled that night? From the surgeries and being married to Spencer Pratt, we know she can take a lot of punishment.
She might as well get ass shots done too. It’s too disproportionate now.
I could see her being considered hot in a Pittsburgh strip club, but Las Vegas is just laughable.
Not really. Vegas has some ugly strippers. They just cover up with a ton of makeup.
Lived there (Las Vegas) for two years and I promise you, she’s a day shift stripper. Again, unless you go to Pittsburgh. Then she’s your headliner. (Mother fuck I hate Pittsburgh.)
She would have to pay *me*. A lot.
Am i the only one that sees vast sadness in this picture? Such deep, agonizing, self-analytic ‘I wonder if i got a B- in my high school chem class instead of a d would it have come to this’ levels of sadness that I almost feel for her. Almost.
I think you’re giving her too much credit. I can’t imagine that the people wanting to be famous without effort or talent are really given to introspection.
I get that, but I think she envisioned more of a Kardashian “quasi fame/infamy” deal, not headlining at a strip-club. Even people who get into the ‘fame whore industry’ fostering unwarranted hopes hinged on t&a and low to no talent, may have a moment of introspection when they are headlining an event where they’re about to strip and do who knows what else we don’t know about behind closed doors.
Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.
OK. I see what you’re saying. “I thought I was going to have a reality show with a couple spin-offs on E! network. Now I’m about to give tugjobs to a bunch of dentists from Iowa here for a convention.” That might give anyone pause. Even a soul-less fame whore.
It’s called a bad make-up job.
I have to agree, those are the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen. I can see a cuteish flat-chested girl in there, desperately pleading to be awaken from this nightmare and taken back to 2005.
“It’s called LOGJAMMIN’, I think you’d be perfect.”
Well there’s no point in getting the stripper tits if you’re not going to use them.
All that work and she still looks like she’d get an afternoon shift.
I might be crazy
BUT
She is still HOT
She looks dead inside.
You say that as if that is a new affliction.
Should I pity such a stupid narcissist?
Nah, I have a limited supply and can’t waste it on famewhores.
Fun bags are fun…
Oh and threesomes are fun too…
So, um, I’m having a Halloween party on Friday…dress like a slutty superhero or villain. Or just a slutty whatever. Something slutty. K? Great! See ya there!
I dont need to try hard with that one…
I’m certain the crowds were lined up around the block to see “that chick from that show that used to be on” not take her clothes off.
I almost feel sorry for them. Question: how is a political science degree going to make Spenser money?
Gravity defying boobs.
A Horse Face hosting a party at the Crazy Horse. How apropos.
I got sick of her new face faster than the old one.
As the vast majority of strippers go, she’s par for the course.
Neigh.
She actually doesn’t look quite plastic in these pictures.
That’s right, she’s moved into the cement stage.
What price dignity?
It ain’t stripping if she is not showing some boobage (fake or real).
And she ain’t stripping. Prancing around with one hand on the pole not in sync with the music and no eye contact is really lame.
But, somebody out there in the interweb has got to find the contract she signed w/CH3 and post it.
Happy 3rd birthday to Heidi’s boobs, from all of us at The Crazy Horse III.
The perfecty aligned rope stand & door knob behind Douchagorn’s butt make him look like he’s sporting a big-ass katana, which would look pretty sweet if it weren’t for the huge pee stain in the front of his pants.
Dude what?
I got it…lol
Is she a basic pleasure model, like Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner?
worst sexyface ever!!
Bored, vaguely annoyed, and wishing she weren’t there: I think Dark-Haired Mirror Girl speaks for us all.
could she not afford make-up for this event? she looks like utter shit…
Your personality is the same adjective.
So she shows up to a strip club and doesn’t take her clothes off, then has her picture taken holding the issue of Playboy she was in, in which she also didn’t take her clothes off.
The redundancy makes my brain tumor hurt
All that money on surgery in order to look like Mr Potato Head. Shame.
In 1000 years, this will still be floating in the middle of the Pacific ocean.
one long nose
Girl got fat I see…
she looks AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!! so sad. lauren conrad still looks gorgeous and her age and this girl looks like a washed up 40 yr old stripper. WHAT WENT WRONG??
That’s because Lauren Conrad isn’t retarded…
Actually, she looks a bit less robotic than the last time I saw her in a picture.
We don’t care how much you’ve inflated those puppies: FEET OFF THE COUCH.
She’s even a joke to strippers… how sad.
Ohhh hell yeah. I’ve missed this hooker so much!! Take it off FFS!
has she recovered yet from the 6 dozen surgeries that ruined her life?
Think that’s her real hair? or entensions made from spencer’s beard?
So broke she couldn’t even afford to put lashes on.
Shes ruined herself
I bet her butt stinks
Look at those busted up knees. Must of been from all the dick she sucked to get the “plast surgeon” from mexico to play playdo with her face.
She looks like a fucking cabbage patch kid with those fat ass cheeks!
Ken! Barbie’s arm got stuck again. She needs a little chicken grease to loosen up those plastic joints.
Nice panty lines…