Heidi Montag in a Bikini is Back

June 20th, 2011 // 131 Comments

It’s been over nine months since the Play-Doh Factory creation known as “Heidi Montag” has posed for a set of bikini photos, so here she is hosting a pool party at Wet Republic over the weekend because she’s broke and ankle scoops don’t grow on trees. Sure, her friends say there’s nothing wrong with them, but they’re all just trying to steal her husband which is why she should go for that skull transplant, too. That’s right, I got your back, Heidi, and not just because I pulled it out of the wade pool. Duct tape! I NEED DUCT TAPE!

Photos: Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Alyssa

    What a vacuous toad.

  2. Just a Guy

    What a great piece of Ass.

  3. DKNY

    She looks way better here than she has in the past. I wonder if she’s been out of the spotlight for so long to get some extra work done.

  4. OhYeah

    Could I really Be 1st ??? I would say she’s one of the few that make plastic surgery look GOOD !!

  5. Lindsay

    She definitely got a breast reduction. She looks wayyyyyyy better. Too bad she’s still 99% handicapped.

  6. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    emmaleigh
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG SHE CAN SMILE AGAIN! She looks way better…did she reduce her boob size? but yeah, doesn’t look as much like a plastic monster. Thank goodness for her that the swelling has gone down.

    • Siloporcen7

      Agreed. Her boobs look smaller, but that is a good thing. Her face looks like her real self almost

  7. AT

    I’d still tap that.
    She’s like a perfect sex toy

  8. anonymous

    Her body is banging now. The over the top boobs she had before were laughable. Still has a face only a horse can love.

    What ever happened to Spencer? LOL did finally do the world a favor and off himself?

  9. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Tragic
    Commented on this photo:

    I can has gwape?

  10. josh

    Seriously that chick is ugly. Fried skin, fake boobs and bleached hair, vulgarity to the max.

  11. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    awhpewp.
    Commented on this photo:

    howard stern with a blonde wig

  12. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Pirate Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    “OH MY GOD! There’s two of them! My tits would look soooo much fuller with them inside me…”

  13. The bleached hair and orange skin makes her look like a negatve photo.

  14. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    butters
    Commented on this photo:

    Still a butterface!

  15. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    butters
    Commented on this photo:

    Still a butterface!

  16. Saul Husdon

    When are we gonna see this broad in a porno? Hurry up already!

  17. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Meats
    Commented on this photo:

    This is too easy.

  18. Turd Ferguson

    I think she is nasty looking. Always has been.
    Horse face, skin too tight now that is doesnt move properly and the body is so damn fake. Not attractive at all – I give her a 1 out of 10, and that’s only because she still has a few holes.

  19. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    This has got to being back so many memories.

  20. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Ed: “The ball, her boobs, her ego.”
    Carnac: “Name everything in this picture that is over inflated.

  21. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    From Obscurity
    Commented on this photo:

    Not in picture: Inscription on bottle – “Bimbo says whaaa..?”

  22. From Obscurity

    Not in picture: Inscription on bottle – “Bimbo says whaaa..?”

  23. Honkey

    “Hey everybody, look at me! My name is Relevance!”

  24. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Jovy
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a MAN, baby!

  25. chev70

    I prefered her with a bit more weight and bigger implants. And less orange.

  26. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Erin
    Commented on this photo:

    Did her chin get bigger again?

  27. My Left Nut

    Money well spent.

  28. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    The most confusing part of this picture: why does the guy in the back feel the need to capture it on camera?

  29. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Kelley
    Commented on this photo:

    In photo 4, do I detect some loose, saggy skin around the right of the vag area ? *gasp*

  30. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    She is gorgeous but the hair is whiter than the background I’m typing in

  31. the captain

    psssssst: YOU WISHED FOR A TWENTYFIVE DOLLAR PROSTITUTE?

  32. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    bethy
    Commented on this photo:

    “I know, I mean–shh, she’s standing right here.”

  33. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    bethy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Garrrr…..Heidi want…be friend….(gurgle)…”

  34. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    bethy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh yeah, they made that into a completely functioning vagina.”

  35. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    bethy
    Commented on this photo:

    “Heidi want play ball!”

  36. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    bethy
    Commented on this photo:

    “But I thought you had a penis?”

  37. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Zee Brat
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh this should definitely be the leading photo. Geeze.

  38. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Cardinal Ximenez
    Commented on this photo:

    Does she even have a clue how much money she could make in porn. Where’s Vivid with the offer? Even Spencer would fit in as the stereotypical asshole/creepy pornstar’s boyfriend.

  39. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    What a weirdly uneven tan. That or she bleached a bit more of her head than she meant to.

  40. An On Ymous

    Do you think she still poops?

  41. Donald Trump

    You can buy a set of fake tits and have the fat sucked out of your ass, but you can’t buy class. What a shame for her.

  42. Do_Freebird

    It won’t be long before the words “feature dancer” are added to her stellar resume.

  43. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    G
    Commented on this photo:

    Antonella Versace looks great… but why did she had the same shitty surgeon as Tara Reid for her tummy???

  44. Cheryl

    She looks like Jay Leno. I mean dear lord that chin, with horrible porn star size bolted on breasts.

  45. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    She looked better with the cheek implants still in.

  46. dotmatrix

    Aw, this is nice. She’s gotten over her post-surgery doubts and can now throw herself fully back into attention whoring.

  47. Heidi Montag Bikini Pool Party Crystal Harris
    Buttercup
    Commented on this photo:

    This sort of approach is always so attractive on a woman. If it doesn’t scream “SEEKING A THERAPIST,” or provides inspiration for a Law and Order: SVU episode, nothing does (please avoid casting her). Let’s guess…she was molested most of her life by her brother. Unfortunately, all the booze cannot change the fact that her body is still rather imperfect for what she’s shooting for. She has long feet and thick calves. She has to wear heels to create a slimmer, elongated look. Her face looks like it is Photoshopped onto her body–it’s disproportionately large and long. Am I jealous or mean? Who knows. But, this is exactly what she has set herself up for…to be judged superficially. When you do that, you take your chances on the results. The attention is a ‘high’ that has a very ‘low’ when it crashes. She and Spencer may just as well place an ad, “Couple seeks anyone for ‘play.’”

    • erica

      ya the only thing i like from her body is her stomach and her butt looks decent, but her legs are too “chunky” for her frame, and the boobs are ridiculous,

  48. why the hell is this bitch being recycled again? it’s well over 15 mins, fish

  49. damon

    her tit skin must hurt 24/7.

  50. I wonder how the job market outlook is for “blond fake tit skanks who get paid to show up at hotel parties”? Does Obama’s economic recovery plan do anything for them? Since I bet Heidi couldn’t SPELL “401K”, her long term financials are pretty grim.

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