Unlike Lady GaGa, former reality star turned most pointless stripper ever Heidi Montag was manufactured from the best polymers every single dime of her MTV money could buy, so she belongs in a bikini which is really her only purpose in life now until she’s eventually recycled into a snow shovel that I’ll purchase in my golden years and have sex with. Sure, my neighbors may shun our love, but that’ll be their loss. That’ll be their loss…
Photos: Splash News
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At least her face looks like a woman’s. That woman is a blowup doll, but still.
Great to see Heidi back in the spotlight, strutting her finely crafted Visalus beauty on the beach and sharing those pictures with us here @ The Fish!
Missed you girl!
Randal
I love your comments
Jeez, there’s no need to be sarcastic!
BUTTER FACE!
She really ought to just do porn and get it over with.
I missed her bikini photos.
If you just didn’t know how big of a skank she really is….
If you look real closely in pic #6, you can see the ripple of her side boob caused by the implant. Take it from me, fake tits taste funny. Ewwww….
Stop eating them.
That’s why you have to boil the torso for at least 2 hours, silly.
you dont have to look that closely to see it
“until she’s eventually recycled into a snow shovel that I’ll purchase in my golden years and have sex with”
Okay, I lost it a little with that one. Well put.
…dat ass?
Get used to that position, Heidi. It will be helpful in your future porn career.
Holy fuck, I thought that verbatim and was going to write that before I scrolled down and read your post.
You’re just one of ten thousand men like myself making the exact same wish.
Does she actually make any money with these swimsuited contortions?
I guess she splits it with the photographer if they find a site dumb enough to cough up cash for the shots.
what sort of shitty internet site would post those pictures?
Who would be gullible enough to promote this famewhore, one that is so uptight she won’t even flash us her enormous store bought fakers. I for one would like to see just how stretched out those nipples really are.
Pretty sure the hubby, aka the Gortons’s Fisherman, takes the pics.
“You’re a plastic barbie bitch, Heidi!” -Person taking picture
“Look at all these fucks I give!” -Heidi
Spencer recognizes this position, as the “fake it”
cankles
I’m kinda embarrassed for her :/
Does she still have butt implants?
What a strange person!
Once you’re done shoveling with your recycled-Heidi shovel, you can salt your driveway with a bag of Spencer Pratt’s bitter, bitter dehydrated tears.
Are those red spots on her leg track marks or where they sucked the fat out?
This is sad..
I know! Crummy waves going on out there, no decent surfing to be done.
Hopefully these photos were taken at the Jersey shore last Monday.
She’s got a Kenneth Parcell thing happening in the face.
Please, someone, bang this girl and spare her from more embarrassment.
I volunteer my wiener
I mean, seriously: a few years ago, when our cat went on heat, I’ve seen some familiar poses. Except that the kitty was kinda cute.
She needs psychological help.
She needs an ass.
Seriously? Don’t you know who she’s married to?
Don’t get swept into sea, Heidi! There’s enough plastic pollution out there already.
I’m a fan!
I’d take a handjob from her.
Too bad “job” implies work, which she does not do.
Not gonna lie, I’d hit it.
Lately, it’s just been pics of Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera and Amanda Bynes. ‘Nuff to make even Jon Hamm’s penis shrink.
Does the fact that an anonymous person on the internet would have sex with her in some way validate her worth as a human being?
I mean, you’re still going to strangle her afterwards, right?
Not gonna lie, I’d hit it.
Lately, it’s just been pics of Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera and Amanda Bynes. ‘Nuff to make even Jon Hamm’s penis shrink.
why do i want to suck on her asshole so badly? why god?
Photographer : Did anyone take their meds today?
Heidi : I did! I did!
All that money spent on surgeries but couldn’t afford a little botox? Dayum!
my thought exactly
I might get killed for this
BUT
she is FANTASTIC
Glad to see her back in the news
Why? Because nobody ever got their picture taken with huge ass implants.
(nobody bring up Coco…just shut up)
For someone who’s been spending a lot of time recently stating how much she regrets her plastic surgery, her boobs look larger than ever before.
Is she gaining lower body weight?
It looks like she’s on the shores of Lake Superior on an overcast autumn day. I feel like I need a jacket.
-”Heidi do you know how to swim?”
-”No, but I know how to float!”
Is there a CPR class being held on the beach? Are they off trying to catch the asshole who scooped the back out of their training dummy?
So spontaneous, so natural, so care-free…
Oh My! It looks like she needs to buy some more Botox. Her forehead is so wrinkled that she looks like a Shar-Pei dog.
C’mon, what did she expect she’d end up doing when she got G-cup bolt-ons… cold fusion research?
Legs are getting fat, and the fat she injected into her ass cheeks just makes her look heavy. Courtney Stodden has already taken her place as Chief Bikini Tard
it is too cold in santa monica today to be on the beach whoring it up
Seen here performing her “two gifts, one talent” show…
If she were smart, these would be in black and white and be taken by Terry Richardson.
Cankles and horrendous implants. Bad hair. Bikini color doesn’t match. This bitch can’t do anything right!
I bet she would classify as barely used as her troll husband couldn’t defile bic pen.
If she hadn’t already been damaged and besmirched by that parasite to whom she is married, it might have been fun to try fucking some sense into her.
that pucker on the side is my least favorite thing about fake boobs.
Cankles.
Heidi, Its over babe. You are going to have to go out and get a real job because there is none to be found doing this.