Heidi Montag’s Doing Bikini Photos Again

November 8th, 2012 // 91 Comments

Unlike Lady GaGa, former reality star turned most pointless stripper ever Heidi Montag was manufactured from the best polymers every single dime of her MTV money could buy, so she belongs in a bikini which is really her only purpose in life now until she’s eventually recycled into a snow shovel that I’ll purchase in my golden years and have sex with. Sure, my neighbors may shun our love, but that’ll be their loss. That’ll be their loss…

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Josephus

    At least her face looks like a woman’s. That woman is a blowup doll, but still.

  2. Heidi Montag Bikini
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    She really ought to just do porn and get it over with.

  3. Heidi Montag Bikini
    No Standards
    Commented on this photo:

    I missed her bikini photos.

  4. SIN

    If you just didn’t know how big of a skank she really is….

  5. Heidi Montag Bikini
    BiJenni
    Commented on this photo:

    If you look real closely in pic #6, you can see the ripple of her side boob caused by the implant. Take it from me, fake tits taste funny. Ewwww….

  6. “until she’s eventually recycled into a snow shovel that I’ll purchase in my golden years and have sex with”

    Okay, I lost it a little with that one. Well put.

  7. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    …dat ass?

  8. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Get used to that position, Heidi. It will be helpful in your future porn career.

  9. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Does she actually make any money with these swimsuited contortions?
    I guess she splits it with the photographer if they find a site dumb enough to cough up cash for the shots.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      what sort of shitty internet site would post those pictures?

      • Cock Dr

        Who would be gullible enough to promote this famewhore, one that is so uptight she won’t even flash us her enormous store bought fakers. I for one would like to see just how stretched out those nipples really are.

    • Enidaj

      Pretty sure the hubby, aka the Gortons’s Fisherman, takes the pics.

  10. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    “You’re a plastic barbie bitch, Heidi!” -Person taking picture

    “Look at all these fucks I give!” -Heidi

  11. Heidi Montag Bikini
    DALESQ
    Commented on this photo:

    Spencer recognizes this position, as the “fake it”

  12. Heidi Montag Bikini
    DALESQ
    Commented on this photo:

    cankles

  13. Heidi Montag Bikini
    mismy
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m kinda embarrassed for her :/

  14. Heidi Montag Bikini
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    Does she still have butt implants?

  15. Heidi Montag Bikini
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    What a strange person!

  16. Johnny P!

    Once you’re done shoveling with your recycled-Heidi shovel, you can salt your driveway with a bag of Spencer Pratt’s bitter, bitter dehydrated tears.

  17. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Are those red spots on her leg track marks or where they sucked the fat out?

  18. Heidi Montag Bikini
    vintagedream
    Commented on this photo:

    This is sad..

  19. kel

    Hopefully these photos were taken at the Jersey shore last Monday.

  20. Heidi Montag Bikini
    IAmAGuest
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got a Kenneth Parcell thing happening in the face.

  21. Heidi Montag Bikini
    AUdrey Jo
    Commented on this photo:

    Please, someone, bang this girl and spare her from more embarrassment.

  22. Heidi Montag Bikini
    AUdrey Jo
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs psychological help.

  23. Don’t get swept into sea, Heidi! There’s enough plastic pollution out there already.

  24. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m a fan!

  25. SaintMidian

    I’d take a handjob from her.

  26. Heidi Montag Bikini
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Not gonna lie, I’d hit it.

    Lately, it’s just been pics of Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera and Amanda Bynes. ‘Nuff to make even Jon Hamm’s penis shrink.

  27. Heidi Montag Bikini
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    Not gonna lie, I’d hit it.

    Lately, it’s just been pics of Lady Gaga, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera and Amanda Bynes. ‘Nuff to make even Jon Hamm’s penis shrink.

    • Does the fact that an anonymous person on the internet would have sex with her in some way validate her worth as a human being?

      I mean, you’re still going to strangle her afterwards, right?

  28. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    why do i want to suck on her asshole so badly? why god?

  29. Heidi Montag Bikini
    rantatonne
    Commented on this photo:

    Photographer : Did anyone take their meds today?
    Heidi : I did! I did!

  30. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Little Tongue
    Commented on this photo:

    All that money spent on surgeries but couldn’t afford a little botox? Dayum!

  31. ace11

    I might get killed for this

    BUT

    she is FANTASTIC

    Glad to see her back in the news

  32. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Why? Because nobody ever got their picture taken with huge ass implants.

    (nobody bring up Coco…just shut up)

  33. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    For someone who’s been spending a lot of time recently stating how much she regrets her plastic surgery, her boobs look larger than ever before.

  34. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Tron
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she gaining lower body weight?

  35. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like she’s on the shores of Lake Superior on an overcast autumn day. I feel like I need a jacket.

  36. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    -”Heidi do you know how to swim?”
    -”No, but I know how to float!”

  37. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Is there a CPR class being held on the beach? Are they off trying to catch the asshole who scooped the back out of their training dummy?

  38. Heidi Montag Bikini
    AUdrey Jo
    Commented on this photo:

    So spontaneous, so natural, so care-free…

  39. Pepe

    Oh My! It looks like she needs to buy some more Botox. Her forehead is so wrinkled that she looks like a Shar-Pei dog.

  40. C’mon, what did she expect she’d end up doing when she got G-cup bolt-ons… cold fusion research?

  41. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Crackity
    Commented on this photo:

    Legs are getting fat, and the fat she injected into her ass cheeks just makes her look heavy. Courtney Stodden has already taken her place as Chief Bikini Tard

  42. Heidi Montag Bikini
    christine
    Commented on this photo:

    it is too cold in santa monica today to be on the beach whoring it up

  43. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardenal
    Commented on this photo:

    Seen here performing her “two gifts, one talent” show…

  44. Heidi Montag Bikini
    DeucePickle
    Commented on this photo:

    If she were smart, these would be in black and white and be taken by Terry Richardson.

  45. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Crackity
    Commented on this photo:

    Cankles and horrendous implants. Bad hair. Bikini color doesn’t match. This bitch can’t do anything right!

  46. Heidi Montag Bikini
    cowbulls
    Commented on this photo:

    I bet she would classify as barely used as her troll husband couldn’t defile bic pen.

  47. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    If she hadn’t already been damaged and besmirched by that parasite to whom she is married, it might have been fun to try fucking some sense into her.

  48. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    that pucker on the side is my least favorite thing about fake boobs.

  49. Heidi Montag Bikini
    Brett Ratner's sweaty ass hair
    Commented on this photo:

    Cankles.

  50. BSName

    Heidi, Its over babe. You are going to have to go out and get a real job because there is none to be found doing this.

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