So Heidi Klum is Topless

In the past 24 hours, every single celebrity’s either been knocked up, married or given birth, so let’s dive right into the important news first: Heidi Klum wandered around Sardinia topless as hell. As you’ve noticed, we’ve been going light on the naked stuff lately to ensure The Superficial continues to funnel into the American workplace, distracting workers from operating at maximum efficiency so China can just get it over with and annex us, so consider this your monthly ration. Because, really, outside of magazine shoots, how often does Heidi Klum just prance around with her old boobs out for all the world to see? I mean, shit, she even smiled at the paparazzi after spotting them hiding under an overturned canoe, so she wants us to look and probably to distract from her entire pelvis looking like goddamn Sylvester Stallone because apparently Heidi Klum does Kegels until bitches die. “HERR FUHRER DEMANDS DAS TIGHTEN VAGINA!” I like to picture her yelling at Indiana Jones. (He’d just stolen her zeppelin.)

Photos: Flynet