So Heidi Klum is Topless

August 14th, 2011 // 103 Comments

In the past 24 hours, every single celebrity’s either been knocked up, married or given birth, so let’s dive right into the important news first: Heidi Klum wandered around Sardinia topless as hell. As you’ve noticed, we’ve been going light on the naked stuff lately to ensure The Superficial continues to funnel into the American workplace, distracting workers from operating at maximum efficiency so China can just get it over with and annex us, so consider this your monthly ration. Because, really, outside of magazine shoots, how often does Heidi Klum just prance around with her old boobs out for all the world to see? I mean, shit, she even smiled at the paparazzi after spotting them hiding under an overturned canoe, so she wants us to look and probably to distract from her entire pelvis looking like goddamn Sylvester Stallone because apparently Heidi Klum does Kegels until bitches die. “HERR FUHRER DEMANDS DAS TIGHTEN VAGINA!” I like to picture her yelling at Indiana Jones. (He’d just stolen her zeppelin.)

Photos: Flynet


  1. obz

    nice headlights

  2. obz

    pity she needs a meal

  3. obz

    oh shit i saw her ass, i take it all back.

  4. Dan

    How the mighty have sagged.

  5. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    Why isn’t that little girl wearing an entire bathing suit?

  6. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    this pic is making me sad :(

  7. Mandi

    I thought her boobies were going to be tragic, but they actually aren’t bad.

  8. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    grandma, no!!!

  9. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    Like, ew.

  10. Knippy

    Boobs look fine, not fantastic but not terrible. Now her stomach, that looks like she has extra bones in it or something. Very strange.

  11. Heidi Klum Topless
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Her tits and stomach look like a face trying to escape her body…you’re welcome for the nightmares

  12. Heidi Klum Topless
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    Her tits and stomach look like a face trying to escape her body…you’re welcome for the nightmares…

  13. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    pity. I want to see her bottomless.


    The real fuhrer would have her husband and her exterminated!!!

  15. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF, do all majestic German Inflatables eventually crash and burn??

  16. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    : / there something in those bikini bottoms? or maybe she’s not big on going completely hairless?


    The real fuhrer would have her husband and her exterminated!

  18. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:


  19. puddleduck

    Not bad for her age and all those kids, but not good enough to share with the rest of the world. Mostly just pathetic thinking she has still got it and wants to flaunt it.

  20. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:


  21. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    This has utterly ruined topless pics for me… I hope I never see Jessica Alba topless anymore I could never take the disappointment.

  22. the chief

    alot of people must vomit now?

  23. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    God, even small flat chested boobs sag.

  24. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    id feel strange wanderin’ around half naked with my a-few-years-old son next to me

  25. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she visited the same Nigerian witch doctor that performed on her husband’s face. That’s a quality torso.

  26. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    I was wondering the same thing…I guess females aren’t allowed to have tops on regardless of age. lol

  27. Dan

    OMG, ,… what to do,… spam is so unexpected on here,… also butsecks

  28. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    The fact that everyone is commenting that she is nasty is almost hilarious. how old is she? she looks healthy, she seems active, she has aged gracefully…i am embarrassed for everyone that claims that this is horrendous. she’s not 18 anymore, and it is an extremely liberating feeling to be topless. did anyone think that perhaps this is for HER and NOT FOR YOU? I just feel bad for all of you, sincerely. I know people are going to respond with “i bet you are ugly” and “why are you on this site” but for one, I feel quite beautiful and I’m happy. Second, I’m on the site because Fish is fucking funny. But the people who read it and think he is speaking in seriousness are just lost. I hope you find some peace. Silicone and judgement don’t do much for you, in the grand scheme.

    • wtf

      Wow, I am totally with you. She looks great, she could use a couple of pounds (which I would be happy to donate), but we should stop hating on people who are comfortable in their skin. It is comments like that that are the reason so many people feel badly about themselves. Piss off the bunch of you and when you grow up and get a few years older you will realize just how wise WOW’s words are.

  29. Crusty Drawers

    Didn’t she used to have larger breasts?

  30. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    now I’m in the mood for some pancake ass and flapjack titties, oh! Heidi ho stranger!

  31. juaquin ingles

    I’d rather look at Kelly Rippa. Wow motherhood is such a beautiful thing.

  32. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s a bad sign when you need binoculars…

  33. I’d have to give that star bikini top a fashion don’t.

  34. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    ugh. if only they had gotten her 10 years ago. no one wants to see grandma nekkid. except those crazy germans.

  35. Cock Dr

    Really not bad as I expected. Better than Kate Moss’s goat teats.
    The lower torso is pretty gnarly, which is just normal for a middle aged woman who’s popped out multiple kids.

  36. Heidi Klum Topless
    Motorboat Captain
    Commented on this photo:

    Alright, roll ‘em back up, I’ve seen enough.

  37. Heidi Klum Topless
    NYC I Banker
    Commented on this photo:

    Her “story” is that Victoria’s Secret hired her because she had big breasts for the runway. Now we know that it was all PADDED BRA and small boobies.

  38. rough

    That’s what I get on august 14? Where’s Lacey? Don’t worry the weather here didn’t cooperate either…

  39. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    Why are all the other photos great quality, but the NSFW one looks like yeti/loch ness quality?

  40. Burt

    She looks like she’s given birth to baby seals.

  41. Heidi Klum Topless
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    gotta love perky nips after all those kids

  42. Heidi Klum Topless
    Red Hot Not
    Commented on this photo:

    Im suspecting there was some photoshop work done to those new Project Runway posters, where shes semi-nude and hott. hmm

  43. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    Wear a one piece swim suit – Please.

  44. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    40+ y.o nipples are fantastic!

  45. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    her body is so gross. from the neck down she looks like she’s 76.

  46. Vivian

    It’s been long since we last saw the pink star, welcome back.

  47. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    Suddenly I have a hankerin’ for a couple pancakes!

  48. Heidi Klum Topless
    Commented on this photo:

    “You are watching NatGeo.”

  49. Grand Dragon

    Remember the part in the Dark Crystal where they remove the Chamberlain Skeksis’ robes and he had to go naked? She looks like that.

  50. Clarence Beeks

    I have always thought she has had a weird midsection.

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