Seal Wants Everyone To Know Heidi Klum’s Sleeping With Her Bodyguard

September 4th, 2012 // 39 Comments
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If you’re like me, you probably spend a lot of time wondering just how mad Seal gets if you violate his special camera room, and it’s apparently this mad. This is how mad he gets. Via TMZ:

“I preferred Heidi would have showed a little bit more class and at least waited until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help.”

That would be Seal flat out telling TMZ’s cameramen that Heidi Klum is banging her bodyguard and did it while they were still together. A statement which he’s since walked back to, “Okay, while we’re still ‘technically’ married.” Except here’s where it makes absolutely no sense. The bodyguard works for both Heidi and Seal:

Sources close to the couple tell TMZ … Seal hired the bodyguard — Martin Kristen — several years ago, and since then he has worked for both Seal and Heidi. In fact, we’re told he actually has spent more time with Seal.
Now here’s where it gets just plain weird. Our sources say … Seal has known that something was going on between Heidi and Martin for months, yet he continued to use his services — as recently as last month.

“Seal, before we continue my employment, I should disclose that I’m sleeping with Heidi now which makes your death a convenience to me.”
“I see. Well, here’s a disclosure for you, Martin: Suppose I handed you a gun and tasked you with protecting a room, a very special room. Would you shoot anyone who dared enter it regardless of age or gender?”
“No.”
Dammit. …. Alright, you can still stay.”

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Smacktard

    So everybody got their asses in a knot over Seal supposedly being some irrational anger freak, and now we know he’s been pissed because his wife was banging some other dude right under his nose. I’d say he had a decent reason to be pissed, and is being pretty restrained in his expressing his anger, all things considered. Bitch is just lucky she didn’t get caught peeping his phone.

    • vgrly

      Chris Brown?

    • It’s a pretty long-standing rumor that Seal has been kissing other women’s roses for a while now. Apparently it’s just okay when *he* does it. FWIW, he’s already backing off the comment he made in a freaky moment of irrational anger. I wonder why that would be?

  2. SIN

    So he is saying some other lucky bastard is getting to fuck her.

  3. Heidi Klum Cleavage Bra See-Through Dress No Make Up
    SIN
    Commented on this photo:

    This is her with no makeup on. Not even trying and she is beautiful. Seal is just pissed as to what he lost.

    • Joaquin ingles

      Maybe that’s the appeal- no makeup. Some chicks benefit from it but most look like plastered whores with all that shit on.

  4. Heidi Klum Cleavage Bra See-Through Dress No Make Up
    lost
    Commented on this photo:

    I remember when the thought of heidi in a cleavage-baring transparent dress would’ve been hot as hell. now she just looks like something helena bonham carter would throw over a coffee table when guests arrive

  5. Heidi Klum Cleavage Bra See-Through Dress No Make Up
    SIN
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a mother of how many? Still smoking hot.

  6. Baron Wilhelm Otto

    She clubbed a Seal?

  7. Heidi Klum Cleavage Bra See-Through Dress No Make Up
    Commented on this photo:

    I have no respect for adulterous women. A lack of respect doesn’t stop me from staring at your tits, though.

    • Gin&Tonic

      question: do you find it harder or easier to stare at the tits of a woman you respect?
      ’cause my new neighbor is super-stacked and in the beginning I was all friendly/welcome to the neighborhood/let me know if you need anything blah blah so i could have an excuse to check her out; but then when she started blasting shit music at 3am, leaving her trash out for days on the front lawn, and got the worlds most shrill noise-machine dog I’m now closing my blinds just so I don’t have to look at this obnoxious B. pillowy tits are still there, but they’ve just been ruined for me. guess that’s what the internets for, eh?

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        slit the dog’s throat and go find Ms. Big Tits before your erection fades.

      • A sound plan, McBeef.

      • It’s hard to say. Tits are tits and we all love them. The woman they’re attached to can kill all the allure the tits have. If you’re just looking for a quick fuck, respect is not necessary. For more long term things, like relationships (even neighbourly ones) the personality and behaviour will eventually play a factor.

    • Don, if she had sex with someone while she was legally separated with both parties pursuing a divorce, can it really be considered adultery?

      • I was looking at it from Seal’s point of view. It’s obvious from his words that he does think that way. I don’t. I didn’t get into it cause it would’ve ruined my joke.

  8. mamamiasweetpeaches

    whats the bodyguard look like?
    and if you say “not as cute as Seal” Im gonna shoot flames from my fingertips and yell “LIAR!!!!!!!”

  9. He continued to use his services to know where the fuck he was at any time. “Keep your friends close, your enemies closer”

  10. Beemer Inthebutt

    It’s like she had been driving a 750Li and got an M3 because she wanted something a little smaller.

  11. El Jefe

    If I were a black man, a very very very black man like Seal, I would probably refrain from using language such as “sleeping with the help”. Just saying…

  12. Heidi Klum Cleavage Bra See-Through Dress No Make Up
    facefuc
    Commented on this photo:

    No, really, its not smaller than his…….

  13. Copen Hagen

    She itchin , and he’s scratchin

  14. Blech

    She fucked ‘the help’?

    Seal, whose career was over many moons ago, is a fucking arrogant bastard who deserves every criticism and ‘betrayal’ (because this marriage was over way before it was over) he gets.

  15. Mr.Frizzy

    Who would fuck Heidi now anyway after doing Seal? It would be like throwing a hot dog down a hall way.

  16. Joaquin ingles

    Never cared for her in her VS days but she’s strangely appealing here. Maybe I just need to rub one out.

  17. Mandope

    It seems obnoxious, this behavior coming from Heidi. She looks like a bitch. She is probably pig headed like all germs

  18. kimmykimkim

    Oh geez, who would’ve thought that Seal could be such a little bitch and talk to the paps (TMZ, there’s hardly a difference) on fucking camera about his extremely personal shit that’s none of anybody’s fucking busy. I’d cheat on his bitch ass, too.

  19. j/k

    It’s kinda hard to fire a man that shows up to work with a gun everyday.

  20. Seal wasn’t convinced of her adultery until he got 3,500 photos of Heidi and Martin together.

  21. Blech

    Seal is just pissed that ‘the help’ did her better.

  22. Heidi Klum Cleavage Bra See-Through Dress No Make Up
    King Diamond
    Commented on this photo:

    Put some make up on wonk eye!

  23. rospo

    good for him !

  24. Sliver

    When he said “the help” I immediately conjured images of swarthy pool boys servicing his ex. But the bodyguard? Any woman would. (Shrug). It’s the female version of “doing the maid”.

  25. Burt

    “The help” could be the old lady who takes care of their kids.

  26. Heidi Klum Cleavage Bra See-Through Dress No Make Up
    Al Bundy
    Commented on this photo:

    No makeup apart from the obvious ton of makeup.

  27. laloba

    Seal gave up his career in the U.K. to go where Heidi was and he got lost. She should thank her lucky stars that he rescued her after she got dumped by that Italian guy who fathered Leni. He behaved like a gentleman. I feel bad for Seal. She just used him. I hope Seal returns to where he belongs, the U.K. Heidi seems like she’s a real beech on Project Runway. She probably can’t sew a stitch herself. I’m not impressed with her adulterous character, what a hore.Shameless.

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