Earlier in the week, I made light of Heidi Klum claiming she “rescued” her son from drowning in the ocean, arrogantly thinking she embellished picking the kid up after a wave knocked him over. Then I saw these photos and JESUS CHRIST. Turns out Heidi Klum not only legitimately rescued her son and his nanny from a crazy riptide, but basically bent the goddamn ocean to her will. Once you stop looking at her nipples, you can practically hear her screaming, “Scheisse! Ich bin das Fuhrer!” into Poseidon’s face. We’re all gonna die.