Heather Locklear’s DUI was a setup!

Apparently, there’s some shady circumstances surrounding Heather Locklear’s DUI arrest. The person who called 911 to report Heather was former Us Weekly staffer Jill Ishkanian who was under FBI investigation for hacking Us computers to locate celebrities. TMZ reports:

When Heather got in her car, Ishkanian called 911, even though the car wasn’t even moving at the time.
Now get this — sources say immediately after Ishkanian called 911, she called a paparazzi agency to give them the heads up Heather was about to be popped. TMZ obtained those photos, not knowing it was Ishkanian who set the ball in motion.
And it gets worse. Ishkanian apparently is the only witness who says Lockelear was driving erratically and that she was drunk, even though it’s already established she was not under the influence of alcohol.

While Heather was not drunk, she was definitely under the influence of something which landed her the DUI. Unless that’s her normal face these days. In which case, come to papa! Finally, I can be with a woman who will look like she’s seen the face of God when I take my pants off. You know, instead of the usual response of pointing, laughing and “I don’t get it.”