Heather Locklear arrested for DUI

September 28th, 2008 // 55 Comments

Heather Locklear was arrested by the California Highway Patrol for suspicion of driving under the influence of a controlled substance. She was picked up in Montecito after someone called 911 to report an erratic driver. The LA Times reports:

Locklear showed bizarre behavior, driving back and forth over a pair of sunglasses on the pavement and revving her engine. After leaving the parking lot, she stopped her car on the street and stumbled into the traffic lane, according to the caller, who followed Locklear out of concern, Marshall said.
When the CHP officer arrived, Locklear’s car was parked on State Route 192 partially blocking a lane, Marshall said. The officer talked to her and determined that she was disoriented and “under the influence of something.” She was taken to the CHP’s Santa Barbara-area office to be tested for alcohol and drugs.
Locklear tested negative for alcohol. Other drug tests will be returned in a few days, Marshall said.

Judging by her mugshot, there’s no way Heather Locklear will even realize she’s been arrested until at least Wednesday – of next week. On that note, I’m convinced she’s either trying to steal my soul or order a pizza telepathically. What’s that, Drug-Face? I don’t think “Denise Richards is a gaping whore” counts as a topping. But I’ll ask.


  1. mike

    asswpe fr

  2. mike

    asswpe fr

  3. Ivanushka

    actually, if you look past the “i just got hit in the freakin head with a iron frying pan” expression- she looks like of good for her age.

  4. Ivanushka

    actually, if you look past the “i just got hit in the freakin head with a iron frying pan” expression- she looks kind of good for her age.

  5. Annik

    5th?? :O

  6. Dura

    I’d still hit that.

  7. mattk

    Who gives a crap about the DUI…

    She STILL looks that good wasted and with no makeup?

    HOLY F, I would break one off in her… isn’t she like 50? Def. deal with Ol Mr. Splitfoot.

  8. she’s morphing into Nick Nolte…

  9. ph7

    She has from a smoking hot fuck to a batshit fuck. Nevertheless, still a great fuck. Except with a batshit fuck, you don’t spend the night or hand around for breakfast.

  10. havoc

    A wasted Heather Locklear is actually a dream come true….

    I would hit that but for real……


  11. Slut

    Shit….I would have a drink too if I once dated Tom Cruise and Scott Baio…

  12. zsfgnzb

    Stupid white sheeple watching talmud-vision look exactly like that. Idiots.

  13. Exo

    My god women are pretty with those tearfilled eyes!
    Could fill a whole wall in my apartment with pictures of crying females.
    Not because I´m a sadistic bitch, tough.
    They are truly angelic and so beautiful.

  14. lloyd johnson

    yeah considering this is a mugshot of a wasted 47 year old woman, I’d say she is smokin hot!

  15. You guys talking about hitting it…go right ahead, with an open hand.

    She was a bitch and a smelly one at that. I could never emphasize to her enough that she had to wash inside her vagina daily.

    It just flat out stank. Like a pygmies pheromones on acid.

    She drank so much it fermented her innards.

    Ill bet Paul Newmans ass today doesnt stink as bad. Unless you use some of that shitty dressing he sold and donated .0000000001 % to charity.

  16. $5 says this whole thing gets kicked….

  17. Lola

    WOW…. Like who cares? Paul Newman passed away. No one gives a fuck about this useless talentless bitch who’s husband left her for a chunky whore… To hell with all of Hollywood. These people get away with alot of shit regular people would be locked up for. Paris Hilton gets away with DUI and driving with no license. Lindsay Lohan, look at all that shit she did before, no jail time whatsoever. Shia LePoof 360 degree his car and nothing. Nick Hogan, practically kills his passenger and he’s getting out in 2 months or so. Now if this was any other “regular” person, I can guarantee they’ll be in jail for 5 years the least. Stupid fuckers… I hate em all

  18. martin

    “suspicion of driving under the influence of a controlled substance”: this one had me laughing out loud. what the hell of an accusation is this? that does not mean a thing. american crime system looks like as if it is based on pure moralism.

  19. Mugato

    “She’s screwed more musicians than Napster”

  20. gotmilk?

    her hair looks just as fried as richie samboras. i didn’t think that was even possible. the 80s really did a number on these whores.

  21. La Rach

    #20? yeah that was actually said about Pamela Anderson on her Comedy Central Roast. But whatevs, I guess.

  22. I’m expected to have diner now!!

  23. Deacon Jones

    Jesus, you guys are especially vicious this morning. The bitch is mid 40-something years old, give her a break. She looks like she’s 35.

    That was my facial reaction when Andy Reid called a handoff to Buckhalter on 4th down last night in Chicago.

  24. The Rock n' Roll floosie clown

    KU KA KU KA KA KU!!! I DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. church on sunday

    why the fuck do so many celebrities think they’re entitled to drive like fucking retards, not even SLIGHTLY drunk, but fuckd out of their minds, endangering so many people? make an example outta this bitch like they did paris hilton. this shit is fucked

  26. God, look at her! She’s had so much plastic surgery I doubt she can even move her face! Aw, that explains her expression in the mugshot. :) Looks like her eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, chin, and forehead had work done. And a facelift as well. She looks for stretched out than Burt Reynolds!

    Her eyes look retarded, like wide and propped that way permanently with toothpicks–disgusting and repulsive. And, oh my god, look at those horrific lips! Is she the joker now, or what?! The wall of time has hit this woman hard! So sad for her. :(

  27. That’s exactly the expression a chick has when she’s totally wasted and it dawns on her that she just went ass to mouth.

  28. oh yeah

    Looks like she needs some facial cream

  29. Harry

    Is this what happens to hot chicks when they hit the wall and realize nobody ever liked them for their mind?

  30. ubee0173


  31. blah

    All I wanna know is…why the heck does it look like Heather is sporting some sideburns in that picture??? Seriously, wtf?

  32. Prof

    Now pay attention kids, here’s what Heather Locklear’s exact “moment of clarity” looks like right… NOW!

    Message Paid For By The California Highway Patrol.

  33. Ted from LA

    Her pupils look like two cell phones.

  34. I hope she can get the help she needs. Obviously it’s more than rehab. She still looks DAMN good.

  35. Ted from LA

    I’ll bet her poop smells good.

    Id like to feel it.

  36. Mike


    I eat my neighbor’s with a knife and fork

  37. jennifer_hammond

    Someone needs to notify her hair stylist that the 90′s are over. Gawd, that hair is so blelached and fried out.

  38. Tammy

    Everybody goes to the zoo from time to time….When you’re famous, the public goes with you.

  39. Flubbermaid

    Hey, Mommie, how can you tell if someone is fu*ked up out of their loopy-loop mind?
    Well, Dearie, you look at their eyes.
    Their eyes??
    Yes, Dearie, their eyes. You see their eyes will be like two big, black saucers full of nothing. It’s called pupil dilation, dear.
    Oh!! Like Heather Locklear when she got nailed?
    No, dear, not like that. She’s been nailed so many times she doesn’t even react anymore. She’s numb. It’s like when they took her mug shot after she was arrested for driving while stoned out of her fu*king mind.
    Oh, THAT time! Now I understand.
    Good, Dearie. Now, go back to grinding up the kittens…

  40. Flubbermaid

    Run!!! She has Bender eyes! Robot Satan is surely coming!

  41. arroyo

    oh please, that’s her driver’s license picture i.d.

  42. malicious

    so their kid has two wastoid parents who get hammered behind the wheel and need rehab

  43. Yeah I heard about this that she was straight wiggin out.

  44. Starcasm.net has a strand of Heather’s hair! Oooooooo – what will the lab tests show?

    We miss you Heather! How in the world didn’t you get a roll on Desperate Housewives? Maybe the CW will reprise Melrose like they did 90210. That network seems to understand that America owes a great deal of gratitude to the uber-bitches of bad television!

  45. Thomas

    She got treated for anxiety earlier this year, I would bet anything it was benzo related like Xanax or Klonopin.

  46. At least she didn’t have Jocelyn Wildenstein face in her mugshot.

  47. Jack

    Got Milk?

  48. dfdfdfd


  49. Flubbermaid


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