I thought it was a sick joke, but now we’ve got a first hand account of the madness that is Heather Locklear and David Spade’s relationship. Reader Pete writes in:
I saw it with my own eyes. Last night at Arnie Morton’s restaurant in Burbank, Spade and Locklear were making out in a booth while three of their friends looked on. But dig this: SHE was all over HIM!! My $36 double cut filet nearly came back up on me. Yikes!!
There has to be more to this that I’m just not seeing. It’s physically impossible for a woman like Heather Locklear to be attracted to David Spade. It’d be like a beautiful swan falling in love with a monkey. Only the monkey is short. And ugly. And all the other monkeys hate him because he tells bad jokes and looks like a rodent. And maybe eats his own poo.
radio3play | April 14, 2006 at 3:57 pm
gross
biatcho | April 14, 2006 at 4:00 pm
perhaps he is the guy in the picture of Pitt & baby taking a leak & has got the cock of all cocks. That’s the only reason behind this pairing, although she was with Sambora forever and he’s a huge pussybag with a mangina.
Jude806 | April 14, 2006 at 4:04 pm
He’s not that ugly. He’s just short. And she’s short.
He’s funny. And women like that. Not a revelation, guys.
Also, they all want publicity so it’s all probably just fake anyway.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 14, 2006 at 4:04 pm
“I saw it with my own eyes. Last night at Arnie Morton’s restaurant in Burbank, Spade and Locklear were making out in a booth while three of their friends looked on. But dig this: SHE was all over HIM!! My $36 double cut filet nearly came back up on me. Yikes!!”
I’m more interested in the ridiculously faggety fag-hag SoCal brat they got this awesome quote from. When I read it my 99 cent hot n’ spicy McChicken and $2 40 oz of Old English almost came up in my mouth a little bit. I’ll bet it was SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer, because I hate her.
seminole | April 14, 2006 at 4:10 pm
You know that Spade was making fun of himself and this story on his show last night?
He had a magazine cover with their new combined name on the front–”Lockqueer”. I think he’s pretty funny, although you people might hate him because he does basically the same thing for a whole lot more money, and he’s fucking Heather Locklear, among others.
I also liked the bit where he hired an illegal immigrant to be his new personal assistant.
angelatbone | April 14, 2006 at 4:10 pm
Spade must have a massive penis….yeah, my money’s on a massive penis
http://www.thevelvethottub.com
seminole | April 14, 2006 at 4:12 pm
actually, Spade was ahead of the internet celeb bashing sites with his old SNL “Hollywood Minute” bit. That was pretty funny too.
LookAtME | April 14, 2006 at 4:13 pm
#4: If it was SweeterSweeterBoyfriendStealer the quote would have been 4 times longer and included a bunch of inane quotes like “luv u guys!!!!!!!”.
I hate that chick too, with a PASSION!
BoredBlonde | April 14, 2006 at 4:16 pm
She’s really old.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 14, 2006 at 4:17 pm
I would also like to add that David Spade has real prettier hair than her, however they’re both rodent-like except he looks more like a weasel and Locklear is more like a tired-looking hamster. David Spade wins beause he is funny and while Locklear is merely good at appearing surprised and tight-faced on shitty sitcoms.
Spade 3: Locklear 0
catpower | April 14, 2006 at 4:18 pm
doesn’t he look like a skinnier chuck norris in that photo? a stranger walker texas ranger?
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 14, 2006 at 4:18 pm
I’m sorry about my grammar. Oh, wait… no I’m not. Bitches.
evelyn | April 14, 2006 at 4:18 pm
It makes perfect sense.
He is certainly a step up from Tommy Lee… AND Heather dated Tommy when she was still very young and much much hotter.
Spindoc | April 14, 2006 at 4:19 pm
My issue with David Spade is that he looks a little bit like a cross of Mary Tyler Moore and that puppet “Madam” of Wayland Flowers and Madam
Dr.Rokter | April 14, 2006 at 4:20 pm
#4 Haw, haw.
Why do people keep insisting other people are jealous because he’s bedding that old trout?
biatcho | April 14, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Agreed #9, her makeup is starting to look more like spackle than coverup.
Italian Stallion | April 14, 2006 at 4:22 pm
Something new please!!! Last time they showed this I said if this is true, somebody just shoot me…….
a little help….anyone…..just pretend like I broke my leg
Ez-EEEE | April 14, 2006 at 4:27 pm
oshie koshie, youre such a h8r. *passes the spliff*
david spade is hilarious, i’d do him. (yea btw im a girl, but im still flattered by someone saying “he’s hot” on the other post)
heather locklear makes me wanna pull my hair out at the roots and then punch her in the face with the clumps up hair still strangled between my fingers while yelling “look what you made me do now melrose place”
bjpack | April 14, 2006 at 4:27 pm
I don’t know why anyone is surprised. Nostradamus predicted this would happen.
Gerald Tarrant | April 14, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Chicks dig funny guys? Yeah. I’m sure that’s why she is with him. Maybe it’s the fact that she hasn’t done shit except blow a few gay rockers and have failed shitty shows. Spade at least has some sort of career. But the bottom line is that Tom Cruise loves the cock.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | April 14, 2006 at 4:30 pm
HARD CANDY is an edge-of-your seat thriller that blurs the line between internet predator and prey.
“Absolutely terrifying! Once it lands its hooks in you, there’s no tearing away.” Eric Campos, Film Threat
“‘Fatal Attraction’ for a new generation.” Peter Hammond, Maxim
mamacita | April 14, 2006 at 4:49 pm
“It’d be like a beautiful swan falling in love with a monkey. Only the monkey is short. And ugly. And all the other monkeys hate him because he tells bad jokes and looks like a rodent. And maybe eats his own poo.”
Well, well, well. Looks like I’m not the only scatologist on the Superficial today. YAY!!!! OMG that’s like, so hawttttttt!!!! That was especially for you OshKosh and LookatMe. Oh wait, I almost forgot. Luv you guys and babes<3<3<3
enfilade | April 14, 2006 at 4:54 pm
What’s this couples catchy nickname going to be? Spadelock, Leardav, it’s gotta be something catchy and stupid.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com/
Jacq | April 14, 2006 at 4:55 pm
When I want to go to Morton’s, it’s not because I want to eat someone’s face. I go for the $36 steak. They however, look like they can’t remember their last meal.
Mamacita, is tomorrow your favorite day because it is Scat-rday? Sorry, that was bad. Kick me in the shin.
bedroomdancing | April 14, 2006 at 4:57 pm
seminole, I saw that david spade show last night, and he said that they were not going out, and he was making fun of the fact that people think they’re together just because they were in the same room. He also made fun of himself not being good enough for her.
discreet_chaos | April 14, 2006 at 4:58 pm
Spade is cool…ish…
I say, more power to him!
bigponie | April 14, 2006 at 4:59 pm
holy shit, they look alike, Spade may have actually f**ked his long lost sister…what a sick bastard…
LilJenny | April 14, 2006 at 5:11 pm
#12
Where’s Kim when you need your grammar corrected?
Gerald Tarrant | April 14, 2006 at 5:18 pm
Kim took her meds today, so that personality is being repressed. I’m sure some other facet will appear, ala NewGuy.
LilJenny | April 14, 2006 at 5:21 pm
I thought Kim was in the restraint room because she was trying to eat the glue at Arts and Crafts group?
bigponie | April 14, 2006 at 5:29 pm
newsflash
Kim has been abducted by Tom Cruise aboard his alien space ship, the aliens are now threatening to conduct anal probing unless Paris redeem’s herself by singing “I’m a good ship lollipop” to the arab nation.
TaiTai | April 14, 2006 at 5:35 pm
There’s something about David Spade that is a little creepy, but I still like him. I think she’s the one who got the good end of that deal, so to speak.
Jude806 | April 14, 2006 at 5:39 pm
Fuck it. It’s all for publicity.
And he’s not particularly unattractive; just normal.
It’s so easy to throw insults out there. Get some imagination before it’s too late.
TaiTai | April 14, 2006 at 5:57 pm
Mamacita thanks for teaching us all about scatologists. I thought you had taken a sudden unnatural interest in listening to Ella Fitzgerald records.
SoNotTrue | April 14, 2006 at 6:10 pm
So here’s the thing. Are people reacting to the fact that Heather is way out of Spade’s league. Anyone really taken a good look at some of her past choices? Spade is probably way smarter than any of them.
Italian Stallion | April 14, 2006 at 6:18 pm
“Good times, bad times, you know I’ve had my share.” “Heather left home for a blonde haired squirrel, but I still don’t seem to care…..”
CheekyChops | April 14, 2006 at 6:36 pm
That is just a big bowl of wrong.
honey | April 14, 2006 at 6:41 pm
they say that ugly guys try harder.. he might be rocking her world
a girl might be better off riding the hobby horse with someone as ugly as a baboon’s ass
goblue99 | April 14, 2006 at 6:45 pm
Anyone else think that she’s with David Spade to piss off Richie Sambora? Richie DID cheat on her, so what better way to get back at him than to replace him with a short little geek.
Jacq | April 14, 2006 at 6:51 pm
If Sambora decided to whip Spade’s ass over that dried up ol’ woman, it’d look like 2 women catfighting.
Anyone watch Discovery channel? On Animal Cops Detroit last night, I saw that Kim was arrested for kitten juggling. Apparently it’s a real problem. I saw MeganHarris on another Discovery program, but she had a plate in her lip and her tits were hanging all over the place.
Jacq | April 14, 2006 at 7:06 pm
Ummm, why are we not talking about Lindsay making Jessica cry already?! It is on the cover of this week’s Us Weekly, which people are free to borrow after I’m done.
**Bob** | April 14, 2006 at 7:20 pm
mamacita and david spade have something in common
krisdylee | April 14, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I don’t think Heather is all that and a bag of chips, however, David, although slightly on the weasel side of the looks department, is mother-fucking hilarious… See, cuz I’ve seen Emporer’s New Groove about 329 times (only cuz of my damn kids, mind you)
Derek Hail | April 14, 2006 at 7:47 pm
That disgusts me. I wrote about that a couple a days ago on my blog. I just don’t see how David Spade could pull Locklear in.
krisdylee | April 14, 2006 at 7:49 pm
Nah, Locklear is the one pulling David in. And out. Then in again, then out, then in, in , in, in, oooouuuuutttt, iiinnnnnn, ininininininininininini aaaahhhhhhh….
radioactive | April 14, 2006 at 7:56 pm
Hey, I work in that building… It seems…soiled, now.
George | April 14, 2006 at 7:58 pm
I bet that Spade guy is swing a big stick.
BarbadoSlim | April 14, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Well as old man Michael Douglas might say:
“I’ll tell you what the problem with Heather Locklear is, them drugs and roofies she’s been takin’ them,” wait a second, HEY!! HEY!! you fucking kids, get off my lawn!!
Marceelf | April 14, 2006 at 8:34 pm
She was quoted saying she was doing it to get back at Richie Samobora because he thinks he’s such a stud and it’s freaking him out to see her dating such a scrawny little guy. Yeah, really, because nothing says screw you like doing the nerd from your high school, who still weighs less than you, even when you are Heather Locklear.
Drunk Blogger | April 14, 2006 at 9:13 pm
How does David Spade have a life, much less a career in this town?