Heather Locklear and David Spade are seriously together

I thought it was a sick joke, but now we’ve got a first hand account of the madness that is Heather Locklear and David Spade’s relationship. Reader Pete writes in:

I saw it with my own eyes. Last night at Arnie Morton’s restaurant in Burbank, Spade and Locklear were making out in a booth while three of their friends looked on. But dig this: SHE was all over HIM!! My $36 double cut filet nearly came back up on me. Yikes!!

There has to be more to this that I’m just not seeing. It’s physically impossible for a woman like Heather Locklear to be attracted to David Spade. It’d be like a beautiful swan falling in love with a monkey. Only the monkey is short. And ugly. And all the other monkeys hate him because he tells bad jokes and looks like a rodent. And maybe eats his own poo.