Heather Locklear and David Spade might be dating

April 6th, 2006 // 77 Comments

locklear-spade-kiss.jpgUs Weekly is making the pretty outrageous claim that Heather Locklear has hooked up with David Spade after divorcing from Richie Sambora. They share the same manager and have been friends for some time, and were reportedly seen kissing while hanging out with some friends in West Hollywood. David recently declined to comment during the April 2 premiere of his new movie The Benchwarmers.

There are a few problems I have with this story, the first being that David refused to comment on their relationship. I’ve never even met Heather Locklear but that doesn’t stop me from telling everybody I know I made out with her twice. Secondly, he’s David Spade. His idea for a first date is probably dressing up as Legolas and running around the room breaking things with his toy sword.

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  1. Devil Is Chrome

    This…can’t…be…true….

    Kissing him would be like making out with your little brother.

    Ugh….

  2. Is he the ugly idiot BeeGee brother?

  3. that-dog-is-shifty-eyed

    As if Richie Sambora is some friggin’ catch. I saw Bon Jovi once (I know) and I couldn’t stop thinking “what a bunch of fags” the whole time. I would pick David over Richie anyday.

  4. shankyouverymuch

    Wow-wow-wee… First!

    Lets see… Tom Lee- Richie Sambora- David Spade!?!?! Yeah, that seems about right.

  5. neophyte

    I used to masturbate to Heather Locklear, but all along I had a real chance.

  6. MystressJade

    What the hell is she thinking? Could she be that desperate?

  7. ziggurat

    David Spade isn’t funny enough to make up this joke

  8. krisdylee

    ferrets can find love too… how wonderful

  9. I’m just waiting for the Wilmer Valderrama-esque revelations about Spade’s manhood. That may be the only possible explanation for this guy’s dating history.

  10. Seriously, I’ve had a crush on David Spade since high school. I just can’t help it, I’m oddly attracted to him…

  11. gogoboots

    I am dubious, he is such a loser and well, Heather isn’t exactly a winner, but at least she’s been a size 3 since she was 17.

  12. bafongu

    Wasn’t Spade with Julie Bowen from “Ed”??? Jumbo lump crab meat has a chance with these hollwood floozies….

  13. So she’s decided to date the only man on the panet who weighs less than she does? Heather, go buy a dildo instead of dating one.

  14. BarbadoSlim

    I can’t believe how this smarmy little asshole gets all this quality pussy.

    I tip my hat to you sir…assho..

  15. justlikehoney1

    Who the hell goes from filet mignon to hamburger helper? This better be a totally made up story. He is gross! I know women like men who make them laugh but NO ONE is that funny. Either he hired a Heather Locklear look-alike or it was really Heather Locklear and she’s clearly been smoking and snorting some really powerful shit lately…..

  16. Anyone have a photo? Sounds like another candidate for my blog:

    http://hotchickswithdouchebags.blogspot.com/

  17. ah…i KNEW it !!! heather locklear is a lesbian !!! i’ll bet these chicks are HOT behind closed doors….

    if you’re into that kinda thing…

    …which i’m not…

  18. ah…i KNEW it !!! heather locklear is a lesbian !!! i’ll bet these chicks are HOT behind closed doors….

    if you’re into that kinda thing…

    …which i’m not…

  19. ah…i KNEW it !!! heather locklear is a lesbian !!! i’ll bet these chicks are HOT behind closed doors….

    if you’re into that kinda thing…

    …which i’m not…

  20. playahater101

    Is this a joke?

  21. Italian Stallion

    If this is true, someone, please, “Just Shoot Me”

  22. lamist

    David Spade is the thinnest, shortest guy I have ever seen. I think he’s funny, but in real life he is ugly. I don’t understand his appeal to all the gorgeous Hollywood actresses.

  23. David Spade is pretty irritating, but his monologue about the iPod was pretty on-spot.

    There was a point – in high school, I think – where I wondered if Heather Locklear was a real person, or a perfect computer recreation of a beautiful woman.

  24. CancerNipples

    Heather Locklear sucks. What has she ever done that anyone cares about? She’s not even hot, she’s very average-looking.

    Bon Jovi (band, all members) sucks ass and nobody cares about them.

    David Spade sucks ass and nobody cares about him.

    Everything seems to be in order here.

  25. Conductor71

    David Spade is just Heather Locklear with a beard

  26. krisdylee

    that just goes to show you, the early bird (that resembles a plucked chicken) gets the worm (that is a talent-less bleached blonde who used to be hot in 1986.)

    mm. not so funny, but hey, whatever

  27. hotintempe

    Just another beautiful Hollywood lesbian couple….I love America

  28. Grphdesi23

    David Spade and Heather Locklear are dating in the same way Teri Hatcher and Ryan Seacrest are dating.

    It’s called an existant/non-existant relationship. I heard they last the longest.

  29. krisdylee

    where is newguy these last few posts? crying into his spunk-crusted sheets, bemoaning the fact that nobody likes him??

  30. Trotter

    Wait. This guy is so incredibly gay. Must be a Scientologist conspiracy or something. Does Heather know how to use an ass-blaster?

  31. Trotter

    Newguy is off at the Boy Scout store buying “supplies” for his next outing with the troop.

  32. MissAppropriated

    Whoopee – welcome to the latest installment of “Who gives a Flying Fuck?” Daily.

    I hear Heather Locklear is the latest over-the-hill has-been rumoured to be joining the cast of Desperate Housewives. I can just see her and Teri Hatchet-Face arm wrestling for the most lines while David Spade and Ryan Seacrest argue over who’s hotter – Judy Garland or Barbra Streisand.

  33. Dude must be hung like a great dane. Only explanation.

  34. MissAppropriated

    Or Tom Cruise

  35. Tracy

    She’s cute and little, he’s cute and little. I think they’re well matched.

  36. Jacq

    Why are there two pictures of David Spade? Are they both actual size?

  37. Spade gets a lotta tail. Here’s a pic of his last girlfriend …

    http://kisskissandallthat.blogspot.com/2006/04/vote-for-worlds-ugliest-dog.html

  38. Discordia

    Could be worse. It could be Steve Buscemi.

  39. Equalparts

    Hey girls, I banged David Spade once. He may be skinny and look like the type of guys with spittle cake in the corners of his mouth. But boy, that man sure knows how to rock the nonny. Romantic, rich, cute enough, with a mammoth wang. I was singing high notes for two weeks.

  40. BigJim

    “It may not be very long, but it sure is skinny!”

    -David Spade, talking about his penis.

    Seriously, Heather must have become asexual to hook up with this male impersonator.

  41. MizScarlett

    Combined number of Locklear/Spade failed TV shows: 7.

    Combined Locklear/Spade IQ: 97.

    A rusty melon-baller so I can scoop my eyeballs out of their sockets and never see shit like this post again: Priceless

  42. Dee

    noooooo, he might be girls best friend but thats about it…silly!

  43. overcast

    OH THE HUMANITY

  44. It looks like Locklear is sneezing in that picture. Before today, I would have said it was impossible to make David Spade look more attractive than Heather Locklear in a picture…color me wrong.

  45. seaglass

    Gollum looks like David Spade without makeup.

  46. Gerald Tarrant

    Heather Locklear and I might be dating. Hey, we might be. I’m taller, funnier, and better looking than Spade, the ratfaced boy.

  47. awesome.. I love these wierd couples… it shows that these people are real.

  48. Danni

    No way would she go out with him, he is such a goof-ball and she is such a Melrose Place bitch

  49. derekd

    For a fifty year old broad?

    I’d hit it!!

    Since he has no comment,
    David Spade can watch.

    OOOOOOO! It’ll be fun!

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