Hayden Panettiere’s new music video may have broken my crush, wait, are those panties?! Ignore everything I just said.

July 16th, 2008 // 145 Comments

Hayden Panettiere (seen here at last night’s ESPY awards) dropped her new music video “Wake Up Call” today, and I’ll be the first to admit the song is fucking clown shoes. That said, I definitely saw Hayden’s panties in the video, so who do I speak to about getting this thing an Oscar? It’s hands down the greatest visual experience I’ve had since that time I watched BBC’s Planet Earth on acid – which was this morning. On a related note, I’m a wombat.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Craig


  2. sljfs

    Music video? Is every asshat out there a singer now?

  3. Since when do they let midgets sing?

    Oh, #1 – seriously, get a life.

    #2 – yes, every asshat (great word by the way) thinks they can sing. I’m sure she’ll put out a duet album with Heidi Montag next.

  4. mamadough

    great floppy pancake boobs.

  5. I hope she does a duet with Hiro Nakamura!

  6. therandygoat

    “I think I’m gonna have to cheat, to finally get your eyes on me? Gonna have to make you jealous…”

    My girlfriend is never hearing this song. This is an evil, evil song. Why did Hayden have to end up like another diva bitch?

  7. is the real estate on your forhead for sale?

    She looks like her ginormous forheaded father in drag

  8. A

    Wow, she’s very pretty. Her nose is kinda weird though. Never heard any of her songs.

  9. Jalone

    Look at that big tacky ring on her finger. That thing could choke a horse

  10. Ok, just wasted 3 1/2 minutes to watch the shitty video (time in my life I’ll never get back) and what this bitch makes Heidi Montag sound like Whitney Houston. STUPID STUPID song!

  11. p0nk

    she’s wearing panties? she’s too old to land a disney contract, even if she is only 4′ tall.

  12. I HIGHLY doubt she ever has to try to get someones attention. she could probably get just about anyone to date her. ad why would she write this song if shes engaged? nevermind. the idea of her writing a song is ridiculous

  13. rebecc

    wow that whore has on so much make-up

  14. Sam

    She looks like a stripper who was put in the dryer at high heat for way too long.

  15. Caset Playa

    why does the beat sound like paris hilton’s songs, which was a remake of another song about beaches or something in the 80s.

  16. Rod

    Fucking WOW. I actually laughed out loud when that Reggae beat started. Hats off to you, Fish. I honestly can’t think of a better descriptor than “clown shoes.”

    Oh, and #6, I wholly agree. Typical little slut.

  17. therandygoat

    On a side note: Hayden with black hair is a proper bloodpumper. No wonder her boyfriend looks twice. I actually threw up a bit when I found out it was a wig. Then I roundhouse-kicked the nearest blonde, which happened to be my grandmother. Odd, she is usually never in the basement.

  18. Ted from LA

    Since 1939.

  19. haydenscarlettheidijenniferlovehewittETC.

    this is almost as good as vanessa hudgen’s video for “sneakernight.” if you don’t know what im talking about, youtube it. its more shiteous than this however it’s more entertaining.
    anyways… yeah. this is fucking terrible.

  20. Drunken Sot

    Jeezus…I thought I was being water boarded there for a minute.

    Maybe if she took her panties off and stuffed them in her mouth it would be a more interesting video.

  21. It's Britney Bitches

    the Fish sounds hot. I would drop acid with him TONIGHT.

  22. A Lollipop Kid

    Best post of the day.

  23. jon

    this little fuck-tart will be in serious shit when she stops looking like a teeny bopper. Can she really have a career in hollywood when she hits late 20′s? don’t think so.

  24. Wish she would have dropped her dress instead of the new video

  25. Rick

    I thought it was pretty hot until I spotted the Disney characters on her panties.

  26. therandygoat

    I’d love to see Justin Timberlake sing about how he is gonna cheat on his girlfriend because she isn’t giving him constant attention. It’s like every female singer today wants to educate girls in how to be a proper tramp.

    “Yo man izzint buyin yu shit and makin enuf monneyh? Get it on with all dem playaz in the cluuubs! You earned it guurl! GUURLPOWER!”

    I guess “Why don’t you sit him down and talk a bit and resolve your differences, making you both stronger individuals and better partners” doesn’t make as “catchy” a lyric.

  27. rm

    Anyone else think she looks like Angelina in pic 8?

  28. DB

    I want to die.

  29. therandygoat

    Oh, and mr. Fish; good choice with the drugs and Planet Earth move. Not many things can compete with intense crying over how beautiful cave rocks are at 5am on a tuesday.

  30. Jumpin_J

    She looks like she wants to be Jessica Alba with 1/3 less talent, if that’s possible. Either that or she’s turning into an orange.

  31. therandygoat

    #27 – I was thinking Jessica Alba and Jolie’s lovechild.

  32. This is destined for the bargain bin… right next to Lohan’s “rumors”, Hilton’s “Stars Are Blind” and “My Pants Are Cocked and I’m Ready to Shoot” by, er, well, um… me. I swear they fucked up my marketing on that shit, because it coulda been a classic… same beat too.

  33. rough daddy

    i thought short chicks usually have nice racks and plump rumps. id still give her a tongue bath tough,,,the video is awful,,,similar to brookes, lindsay, paris,heidi etc…..

  34. Crazy Old Bitch

    Here’s good trivia: When Hayden Panettiere filmed episodes of Malcolm in the Middle, the entire studio was formerly a Tom Cruise dildo storage facility. Just one big dildo.

  35. Jerod Cykoski

    Worst. Song. Ever.

  36. rikki

    Isn’t this girl like 19? What is she doing in a dance club acting like a tramp?

  37. Randal

    Welcome to the industry and what a splah you’re making here Hayden. Love the lyrics, very innocent with a sharp edge but … as much as I’d like to enjoy the song, I just can’t.

    A woman that needs to resort to such lame attempts at getting a guy to notice her isn’t much of a woman after all.

    You my dear Hayden, have a lot of waking up to do yet.


  38. Daniel

    I made it 30 seconds in the song! Record anyone? I think so

  39. Captain-Insano

    #4: Where are the floppy pancake boobs? I watched the video twice (laughing the first time, got nausiated the second), and there’s nary a floppy boob to be seen, pancake or otherwise.

  40. Wow Randal, you made a huge “splah” with that comment… I mean… it was… negative…

  41. Prof

    Heard worst, def heard better-Final Analysis: Very cute, inhumanly large forehead, pedo appeal quickly waning since turning 18, she should stick to the acting gig and get naked already.

  42. Wait a damn minute………. Did Randal just post something that wasn’t 100% in the favor of whatever useless no-talent celeb we are making fun of.

  43. Brian

    clown shoes for sure

  44. chadisrad

    wow.. that song is so good!!!!!!!!!!! NOT! christ she sucks

  45. chadisrad

    wow.. that song is so good!!!!!!!!!!! NOT! christ she sucks

  46. big jerm

    when is she in her panties. i don’t think i can watch the whole thing.

  47. dew

    Her voice didn’t seem bad to me; I thought it was adequate for new pop singers which use more dancing and posing than actual singing talent these days (Mariah excluded).

    But I think that song was stupid and annoying. If producers are going to put a pretty celeb with average voice in a singing vid, at least give her a song that’s decent.

    I think Hayden’s pretty, and I LOVE that orange dress with blue trim. She reminds me of Charlene Tilton, and I hope Hayden watches her diet/exercise regimen better than Charlene did.

  48. A

    OK guys I will take your word for it on the song. I won’t punish myself and waste time I cannot get back!

  49. Joe

    Her looks are changing fast – I don’t think she’ll seem attractive when she no longer looks like a child. She’ll be a troll by 30. She really needs to consider porn, right now, before she ends up in the “novelty/fetish” bin.

  50. Que

    Que holy hell si!

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