Hayden Panettiere, we need to talk

October 2nd, 2008 // 60 Comments

I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to come right out with it: I’m no longer harboring a secret crush towards you.

I’m sorry if I’ve just shattered your world as you know it. Really I am. And if it makes you feel any better, it’s not you (Or your terrible acting on this season’s Heroes.) You’ve done nothing wrong (Except, again, the acting.) It’s me. I’ve changed.

And, while we’re being honest, I think you should know there’s someone else. It’s Mila Kunis. I mean, have you seen her lately? Who knew she had cleavage? That’s like finding out there’s two Christmases, and one of them has boobs. On the other hand, there’s you, sweet Hayden and, well, let’s be frank: Nobody knows what’s going on there (I’ve talked to doctors.). For a while I was convinced you had breasts, but it’s time to admit I was only fooling myself. A lot. Like at least once a day if not twice. And sometimes – you know what? I’m getting off track.

I hope things don’t get weird between us. If you ever wear a bikini or flash some beave, I want you to know, I’ll still write a post about it. That’s what friends do. But I’m afraid this is our last goodbye. Feel free to let yourself out. Or walk through the doggy door one final time before I nail it shut. Which, I hope you’ll agree, is for the best.

Goodbye, my love. Goodbye. – - Is she gone? I can never tell. JESUS CHRIST! She was behind a shoe. I mean, hey there, beautiful princess…

Photos: Splash News
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  1. woah

    Midget sex is hot

  2. Searching for Fish

    Fish, we need to talk…You’re right it is you, you have changed, no longer funny, no longer on point.
    Too bad, I’m afraid this is our last goodbye!

  3. kk

    Awwwwwwww! She is still gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. jules

    if fish is the same writer for Geekologie ( i can’t imagine why, they sound so similar) he’s not funny because he’s going through a divorce.

    don’t cry for him, i have a really warm spot for him in my bed, between my legs, I think he’ll be alright

  5. Sarah Palin

    Let us pray that our brave troops stay safe while doing Gods work. Amen!

    (applause)

    Furthermore…

    (applause)

    After I’m elected I will, in addition to my VP duties, head the new National Faith Based Electorate Institute to ensure that future candidates are truly Christian men and women seeking to advance Christianity in the form of new initiatives such as Crusades and Inquisitions. After all, only REAL Christians should be armed across the planet. We willl ensure that the entire planet believes in Christianity, ushering in the end times!

    (long applause)

    Vote McCain (Palin)

    Amen!

    (Amen!)

  6. seattlite

    seattlite

  7. seattlite

    NO, please give us more Hayden! She’s way too hot.

  8. OMG…funniest…entry….ever!

  9. luke ( ldjg1 )

    Hey douchebag shut up or go somewhere unpleasent with a fork and a cheese grader. hayden is fantastic and the best actress in the world.
    p.s. I realy pity you after your comment another desterate attempt to try get attention and a few minutes of glory well I din’t see you on any t.v. channels.

  10. luke

    Hey douchebag shut up or go somewhere unpleasent with a fork and a cheese grader. hayden is fantastic and the best actress in the world.
    p.s. I realy pity you after your comment another desterate attempt to try get attention and a few minutes of glory well I din’t see you on any t.v. channels.

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