Hayden Panettiere spent an afternoon reading to schoolchildren. I can think of better ways for her to spend her time. They involve me, several palm branches, and a bowl of grapes. Also, nudity. Mostly her, not so much me. I’ll be wearing a tux. Sometimes I like to pretend I’m James Bond. If that rental place forgets the poison-dart cuff links, I’m going to be pissed. Clearly, those people have no sense of romance.
Note: For those of you who wonder if NBC pays me to write posts about Hayden Panettiere, the answer is no. However, I’m not opposed to the idea. NBC, feel free to call me at 1-888-LUV-HAYP. I accept cash, gold bars and/or rare religious artifacts that can melt a man’s face off. No PayPal.