Hayden Panettiere auctions herself off on eBay? Pardon me while I go broke…

May 21st, 2008 // 43 Comments

Hayden Panettiere freakin’ loves those sea creatures. So much so that she’s auctioning off a VIP whale-watching trip with you, her and five of your closest friends (Interesting number choice…). The auctions are a joint effort with Hayden’s new social networking site Zude and The Whaleman Foundation. Here’s the details straight from the eBay itself:

You and up to 5 guests will join Hayden Panettiere at a Save the Whales Again! fundraising dinner hosted at the famous Hollywood restaurant Beso, owned by Eva Longoria.
The following week you’ll board Condor Cruises’ Condor Express with 5 of your friends for lunch and a whale watching tour off the coast of Santa Barbara, California, through the Channel Islands, to witness some of the most spectacular whale feeding grounds and have the chance to see the ever-elusive Blue Whale.
The total package also includes hobnobbing over drinks and dinner at Beso, photo opportunities with Hayden, $1000 American Express® gift card and a private whale watching tour with Hayden and Jeff Pantukhoff, world-renowned whale researcher, marine life filmmaker and founder of The Whaleman Foundation.

Apparently, you can also bid on Hayden’s clothes that she wore in her Candies’ ad campaign. Wait, items actually worn by Save the Cheerleader?! *digs gun out of desk* Hey, Geekologie Writer, I’m going to need to borrow your wallet. All of your wallet. *opens it up* Hmm… Monopoly money and a picture of LEGO Princess Leia covered in fondant. Fantastic. So, is it illegal if I give your wallet back but still shoot you? Because I see that in your future.

Huge thanks to Jim over at Knightime Studios. The dude’s artistic talent is exceeded only by his talent of telling me how to buy my own Hayden Panettiere. And outfits to go with it! Score!

Photos: eBay, Splash News
superficial

  1. I'd

    bang her

  2. Kris

    She’s more boring than Clay Aiken’s Christmas album.

  3. Twinkie

    So tired of reading about this average looking nobody.

    So, so tired.

  4. someguy

    #4. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

    PLEASE.

  5. The White Urkle

    I would suck her pussy until her head caved in!

  6. That, uh, wasn’t fondant.

  7. snarky

    I admire her for doing some good in the world; unlike celebs her age that just party and go shopping; dropping thousands on one piece of clothing. She seems pretty mature & compassionate for her age. All that being said, the girl needs to go pluck her eyebrows already…

  8. Chauncey Gardner

    I can’t afford to donate money to her whale cause, but I will be donating some sperm to that first headshot tonight.

  9. Jimboooo!

    I’d buy that for a dollar.
    Just don’t tell her about my wandering hands.

  10. manny

    this chick must be retarded. she shows up to an animal activist thing with Ugg boots on, and now she’s condoning whale watching? if she knows anything, these boats harass the damn whales. way to violate the Marine Mammal Protection Act, vapid cunt.

  11. tony

    This chick is trying so hard to be sexy. But in her high heels and grown-up dresses she looks like a toddler that stole her mama’s wardrobe.

  12. havoc

    In……

    .

  13. Auntie Kryst

    Kudos to you Fish for holding off posting a story about this little twat for a long time.. I’m sure it was difficult for you. It would be greatly appreciated if you can muster the same fortitude and not post shit about fuckwads Spencer and Heidi as well.

  14. snarky

    Or she could say…”while you hobnob a knobjob is included for your package”… any guys interested now???

  15. Brad Pitt

    Angie has super super niggerlips; ditch this bitch.

  16. eh

    @11 you hold a valid point, you can not want to save one thing them promote harm. you can not be all about treating animals humanly then wear boot made out of sheep skin. im not saying she has to be vegan and work with peta. but she should be so contradicting. the joys of being famous and stupid

  17. eh

    edit i mean shouldn’t

  18. Pinbacker

    I hope motorboatin’ her asscheeks is a part of the deal.

    I luv motorboatin’.

  19. Mo

    PETA is such a hypocritical organization anyway… but this girl, I wonder if she even knows what she stands for. Like it’s been said, you want to do so much good and then whale watching? While a lot of tour companies stay far enough from the stream lines to keep it from being harassing, I’m sure the douches running hers will want to show off.

  20. So, you win a date with a midget and you also get dinner at a restaurant owned by a garden gnome? Wow, what a thrill. can you feed this no-talent midget to the whales? now that would be worth winning!

  21. Delicious Alcohol

    Fish, I love that you’ve made the Geekologie writer your nemesis. Don’t forget to make him an evil genius from time to time.

  22. The White Urkle

    If people didn’t go whale watching, why would we even need to “save the whales”? Who would know if they are there or not? If the scientist get to watch whales and study them, why can’t we? What makes them better than us?

    When I was in the Navy we used to go whale watching by dipping our sonnar in the water and pinging them. Then it was easy to find them.

  23. bar room hero

    @ 21, not a midget. Petite, they are the best!

  24. English BoB

    What’s wrong with all you Hayden bashing fools out there ?? Ahhhh, are you missing your daily dose of Winehouse or those ‘tards Montag ‘n Pratt ??

  25. blp

    Tempting but I wouldn’t want to break up her and the boyfriend because I’m a nice guy, nice but irresistible to midgets and she’d totally want to do me in the ocean while the whales watched.

  26. Ted Mosby

    I’d ride her like Big Brown at the derby.

  27. SimonSnAkeYeS

    I’d put my dork in her.

  28. timmaY

    Perhaps Hayden can save my dolphin from going limp!

  29. Productivity Improvement

    Thanks for posting a bunch of boring shit this week! My productivity has increased at work!

  30. 10pound

    So, I’m not a lawyer but I know a little bit and here goes….

    Step 1. Get Hayden and boat into international waters
    Step 2. Molest the cheerleader against her wishes and against the long reach of the law
    Step 3. Profit!

    Yep, I win.

  31. She has already the celebrity-syndrome?
    …………pretty soon?

  32. NO because YOU'RE UGLY

    See how these rich A-hole celebrities do it, they have millions because of the public and then they have little causes that are “important to them” but they never give their own money to the causes, god no, that’s just silly why would a millionaire give money to charities instead they whore themselves out asking the public who in general have WAYYYYYYYYYYY less money than them to fork over cash to whatever cause they “care about” that year and then they come off looking like humanitarian heroes. Fuck that!!!!

  33. ToTellTheTruth

    …and exactly WHY is this bitch famous?

  34. Sylar

    Did anyone notice that you get to go to the dinner with Hayden, but the whale watching is WITHOUT HER! Here is the quote, notice how it is worded:
    “You and up to 5 guests will join Hayden Panettiere at a Save the Whales Again! fundraising dinner hosted at the famous Hollywood restaurant Beso, owned by Eva Longoria.
    The following week you’ll board Condor Cruises’ Condor Express with 5 of your friends for lunch and a whale watching tour off the coast of Santa Barbara, California, through the Channel Islands, to witness some of the most spectacular whale feeding grounds and have the chance to see the ever-elusive Blue Whale.”

    You and 5 guests join Hayden for dinner..blah blah blah…”The following week, YOU’LL board Condor Cruises…” blah blah.

    It is worded so she only has to do the Dinner with the other celebs, but she is off-the-hook (bad pun intended) for the actual whale watching with the peasants…

  35. Niki

    This chick was a close family member of mines neighbor. She had too large of head for her body growing up and always looked a little strange to me. who would’ve thought she would’ve grown up into such a pretty little thing.

  36. Jimbobby

    If I win I just want to put in in her pooper for a minute or two.

  37. FRITO BANDITO

    UHH I think it goes -
    private whale watching tour with Hayden and Jeff Pantukhoff.
    Maybe they will substitute another Hayden?

  38. Ted from LA

    I’d pay a lot if I was guarenteed to be able to take her bowling (and use her as the ball of course).

  39. Mindy

    Yes this is excatly what people want to do with there money…. spend on this dumb blonde bimbo and her saving whales shit cause people these days have so much money they dont know what to do with it!if i wanna go watch whales flop out of water ill get a ticket for a whale watching boat tour thing whatever

  40. Borat

    I like very much to buy this midget. I make a-bang bang bang in her virgeen. then I have sex explosion on her tits.

  41. Arguman

    She’s pretty damn average looking. Attractive, sure, but she’s nothing I’d write home about. Yes, I wrote home about my dates. All one of them. Ok, all 1/2 of them.
    I don’t see the fascination. She also can’t act, which usually means she also can’t speak or string together coherent thoughts.

  42. PostmortemG

    I don’t mind this lady – but that’s because i don’t watch T.V., and i don’t know who she is. Eva Longoria, on the otherhand, i can do without. Throw her to the whales.

  43. Man, she is downright beautiful!

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