Hayden Panettiere does a striptease for a man that’s not me?! I’ve lost the will to live

July 30th, 2008 // 45 Comments

Hayden Panettiere (seen here at Comic-Con over the weekend trying to keep her hands clean from dork debris) reportedly gave her boyfriend Milo Ventimiglia a striptease on the set of Heroes for his 31st birthday. Why must you forsake me, Lord? Australia News Limited reports:

A source said: “Hayden gave Milo an unforgettable birthday surprise by morphing from her bouncy cheerleader character in Heroes to a bump-and-grind striptease. As she sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to Milo in front of cast and crew during lunch she ripped off the costume to show off her sexy red lingerie. Milo’s face went bright red.”

You know how I know this isn’t true? Because I spent the past six hours crying under my desk which means IT NEVER HAPPENED. Nobody talk about this again. In fact – Hold on, I just got an e-mail from The Geekologie Writer:

“Hey, remember how you’re not Milo Ventimiglia and didn’t get a lap dance from Hayden Panettiere? I had those words tattooed on my forehead. Wings later?”

Nice. Real nice. Wait, here’s one from my mom:

“Honey, I just heard the news. Don’t worry, you’ll meet a nice girl soon who’ll do naughty dances for you. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt to lower your expectations a little. Do you remember that sweet girl who lived down the street and murdered her whole family? I hear she’s single! Smooches.”

Christ, who’s next? The president? *BEEP* Ah, shit…:

“I LIKE WEARING COWBOY HATS!”

Thanks to Tyler for the really great tip. It’s so great that I actually have one for you: I’m your biological father.

superficial

  1. veggi

    Her agent should have demanded a booster seat for this gig.

  2. xLaUrAx

    1st

  3. mike jones

    31year old boyfriend huh, sounds pretty pedofeliastic considering she just turned 18 or something

  4. xLaUrAx

    Damn :D

  5. sixpack

    she’s ALRIGHT but I don’t see the big deal. Seen better women waiting on the corner of 34th & Broadway. Hey, Waitaminute…

  6. Stuey

    HAHA at the I’m your father bit. NICEEE

  7. Deacon Jones

    @3

    Kidding me, that’s fucking awesome, I would love to be hitting an 18 yr old again. Instead Im stuck with these frigging kids at the daycare next door…

  8. Bill

    Someone has to have a video of this!

  9. rough daddy

    I hope that little hussy let this dork hanging with blue ballz…

  10. jay

    hayden I love your ass so much. wanna lick her from head to toe. Would tounge her long time and explode in her tight snatch.

  11. kevin

    She is pretty and sexy. I think I will love her. LOL. Every time I sign in to the celeb club “”"”"”"C e l e b M i n g l e . c o m”"”"”"”, I can see many new topics talking about her. She has created a nice profile for seeking a hot man for hook ups.

  12. Barak Obama

    That is not hand sanitizer she is putting on. It is KY lotion, right before she gave me a hand job. Best white girl tug I ever got!

  13. jake

    I mean she’s pretty but she’s a dime a dozen.

  14. steve

    I’d love to try to squeeze my cock into her tiny puckered asshole while fondling her man-pecs and listening to her helium-midget voice.

  15. tp

    Child molestor!!!

  16. kingofbeer

    pics or it didn’t happen!

  17. kk

    whoa. first #14… terrifying!!!!!!

    second: why did she do that in front of the whole cast? that’s obnoxious

    third: 31 and 18. ew and wrong

  18. she is one saucy little midget

  19. Erik

    What are people looking at? She just looks tiny now, not young. She’s one of those super-petite girls who had jail bait appeal at 15 because she looked much older. She still does, which isn’t much fun now that she’s legal. And it looks like her boobs started puberty, got confused, and then gave up.

  20. rabido

    Sorry, but after your last posting of her music video — totally blah. Blah bah yeck. Superfish, how can you forget that horror?

  21. pistola

    chubby.

  22. Sport

    Yumm.

  23. woodhorse

    Hey Fish! If you like strip tease acts by short people so much, I hear Verne Troyer is available. If you act now, he’ll throw in a free set of Ginsu knives.

  24. Charles Few

    Today public strip-teases, tomorrow bondage gear! And people thought she was going to turn our weird!

  25. blank

    i’m shallow and she’s got small tits. DO NOT WANT.

  26. Randal

    I’m not sure that was such a good idea Hayden. Milo is on a number one hit show and does need to keep his concentration while shooting. You may have very well ended his career if he stumbles. Being an actor with two left feet does not get one very far.

    Randal

  27. Courtney

    Whoopdie doooo!
    NEXT.

  28. Courtney

    Whoopdie doooo!
    She gave him a lapdance/strip tease infront of the whole cast and crew huh? Sure shes in the right profession? Shes about the right age to start dancing at “exoctic clubs”
    I dont see why this is news…
    NEXT.

  29. titsonsnack

    WHAT is the big fuckin deal over this broad, she looks like EVERY high school girl EVER, in fact I see 100x hotter girls than her on my way home from work.
    I don’t think she’s ugly I just think she’s very average, and looks like every plain jane girl in the world.

  30. Darkfire

    #29:

    Just because they’re holding a bucket of chicken wings does not make them hotter, it just means you’re hungry and your face is losing its oily sheen. Anybody who says this girl is “plain,” “meh,” or “average,” and claims to see better every day is either

    A) Blind
    B) Retarded
    C) Loves fatties/anorexics
    D) Blind and retarded
    E) Attention whore
    F) Taller version of Tom Cruise with pecs like Ahnold and abs like Bruce Lee who attracts hot women like nerds attract Cheeto dust (least likely scenario)

    Believe me, the passable girl who took your order at McDonalds doesn’t look nearly as good in person as she does in your head (where she’s giving you a hot oil massage by turning off the A/C and running her hands through your hair).

  31. Vanquish

    Daaaaaaaamn! Your posts always make me laugh, fish. You’re awesome.

  32. Sirus

    I am so sorry fish, some of us will just never get a striptease from Hayden Panettiere in a cheerleader outfit on the set of Heroes. Oh shit now I’m gonna cry, I gotta go

  33. Sam

    @30 Genius

  34. my comment

    Why anyone is even remotely interested in this sexless midget I will never know.

  35. kate

    COOL,! A friend of mine recommended me a HOT place ***”NYwealthyMatch .c o m *** It’s a place full of hot stuff and also a place where the rich & celebrity have romance!

  36. Well well well .. let’s see here. doesn’t it appear she has cheek fuzz?
    yummy.. NOT

  37. Sorry hayden, I’m no BABY-SITTER any longer!!

  38. ahahahahaha you are the funniest blogger i have ever read

  39. Richard McBeef

    chicken cutlets.

  40. jon benet

    30- she looks like a gymnast baby wearing makeup. I like tall thin girls with boobs and cute buns … she is not my ideal.

  41. el ces

    Hmm, pretty.
    Not much jewelry though. She’d look good in gold.

  42. Me, too, except I love Milo. Let’s break them up.

  43. pics or it didnt happen

  44. She’s fat, wide and muscly. Has a big bird nose and strange eyebrows. Okay..

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