Hayden Panettiere’s Having Midget Sex With Mark Sanchez Now

“If leprechauns aren’t real, how did I just have sex with one, homes? HOW?!”

Fresh off her break-up with Wladimir Klitschko, Hayden Panettiere’s lust for mile high sex, to her anyway, has driven her right into the arms of New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez who, at only 6’2″, is four inches shorter than her ex making the use of climbing spikes sadly superfluous. I shall weep for her. RumorFix reports:

Eyewitnesses tell RumorFix that Hayden and Mark walked in together to the hamburger joint along with another couple. They ordered their food together– Mark paid.
“They seemed very close and very happy,” and eyewitness tells us. When they walked out of the fast food restaurant, Mark was flashing a huge smile.

Granted, RumorFix has photos of them together, no one’s taken into account that while Hayden Panettiere looks underage, she’s actually 21 so I don’t see how that can work for Mark Sanchez. Think of it like eating a veggie dog. Sure, it looks and tastes almost like a real hot dog, but it’s still not the same as being a sex offender.

Photo: Getty, Splash News