Hayden Panettiere’s Having Midget Sex With Mark Sanchez Now

June 1st, 2011 // 36 Comments

“If leprechauns aren’t real, how did I just have sex with one, homes? HOW?!”

Fresh off her break-up with Wladimir Klitschko, Hayden Panettiere‘s lust for mile high sex, to her anyway, has driven her right into the arms of New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez who, at only 6’2″, is four inches shorter than her ex making the use of climbing spikes sadly superfluous. I shall weep for her. RumorFix reports:

Eyewitnesses tell RumorFix that Hayden and Mark walked in together to the hamburger joint along with another couple. They ordered their food together– Mark paid.
“They seemed very close and very happy,” and eyewitness tells us. When they walked out of the fast food restaurant, Mark was flashing a huge smile.

Granted, RumorFix has photos of them together, no one’s taken into account that while Hayden Panettiere looks underage, she’s actually 21 so I don’t see how that can work for Mark Sanchez. Think of it like eating a veggie dog. Sure, it looks and tastes almost like a real hot dog, but it’s still not the same as being a sex offender.

Photo: Getty, Splash News


  1. Burrito Supreme

    Why do I read this crap?

  2. Sugar

    Lucky bitch. Goddamn he is the hottest guy in the NFL.

  3. is the hot dog part of a ‘chili dog’. cos a ‘dirty sanchez’ makes more sense

  4. Doc Schweinstrudel

    She is the prettiest thing ever and he is hot! So at least face wise MS is an improvement, but then again, he is a latino so…

  5. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Why do you spell his name as Wladimir? Does he need double V in his name to show he is bigger size than say Vladimir Putin or it’s another fucked up Ukranian shit

  6. Harriscandoit

    Her vagina must be seriously stretched out at this point, sex with her cannot be very good. Unless she is open to option 2…..

    • bing

      Which is ?

      • Sugar

        The back door. I’m pretty sure that hole can get stretched out over time also but I don’t have the experience to have authority on that subject.

    • It had to be said

      She does her kegels. I hear she can smash soda cans with that thing.

    • I think she is incredibly cute BUT I can’t imagine her sexually. Think of all the positions that would be impossible. She has to be open to the backdoor to partially make up her being so short and so stretched out. There are thousands of better options.

  7. JohnS

    To attract the liberal arts crowd, the Jets will now re-enact every touchdown with interpretive dance.

  8. Hmmm....

    I’ll bet he has to climb in her vagina to satify her now that it’s a hollowed out cavity after the Jolly Green Giant pounded it into oblivion.

  9. It had to be said

    Dude, she looks like Eliza Kruger, but she’s legal in EVERY state! Awesome!

  10. Hayden Panettiere Mark Sanchez
    Commented on this photo:

    “Dude, the best part is that when we’re both standing up, her head comes right up to about here!”

  11. Venom

    Sanchez seems cool and she has a hot little body.
    Not a bad couple.

  12. Hayden does love her professional athletes. And dolphins. Perhaps she can combine the two and date one of the trained dolphins at Sea World.

  13. OK, so she went from being a Fleshlight to Real Doll…that still won’t shut up about saving the whales.


  14. Dan

    Problem with her is I would quickly tire of her talking :/

  15. KWDragon

    I wonder if she used the famous, “Don’t worry, I’m legal at your place in New Jersey,” pick-up line. He falls for that just like a poorly-read zone blitz.

  16. stratacat

    She should campaign against steroids if she likes ‘em big.

  17. Ed G.

    Lots of guys would might have wimped out during lunch with a vegetarian and went to some salad place. Gotta hand it to Sanchez for taking her to In ‘n Out burger.

    Also, I guess maybe she’s not one of those preachy vegetarians that DEMAND you know that eating meat is vile and pernicious.

  18. cc

    He didn’t mean to take her home…he picked up his jacket and she’d slipped between the folds.

  19. Chris

    Dude, for all of the Big Ben bashing you’ve done, I’d expect at least an aside comment about how much of a disgusting rapist piece of crap Sanchez is. He payed a girl hush money in college and got away with it, and he slept with that 17-year-old girl last year. Now if that’s not ALSO a jerkoff (meaning equivalent to Ben), I don’t know what is.

    • Ed G.

      The age of consent in NJ and Connecticut is 16 (in NY it’s 17) and Ms. Kruger was a willing participant. And there is no proof of a payoff to the USC girl, the prosecuters dropped the case because there was “a lack of sufficient evidence beyond a reasonable doubt,” and not because the girl refused to press charges.

      • Randal(l)

        What are you, Insane? of course a third string red shirted college freshman on an athletic scholarship had the kind of money and pull that would make a rape charge disappear. and as far as I’m concerned it doesn’t matter what the age of consent is in the state that the consensual act occurred in. if 18 is the legal age of consent in 12 states then it clearly applies to all states.

  20. John Q. Public

    He can’t handle a real beard

  21. 6-Corey Sanchez III

    Well, a former fan of NYG will go strong again for fall 2011, all they need is, a new strength as in training camp.

  22. Hayden Panettiere Mark Sanchez
    Commented on this photo:

    Her teeth are fucken huge.

  23. Jam

    So she definitely has a fetish, I think that’s pretty clear. Probably enjoys to be dominated the shit out of her, as well.

  24. Tiedentidlyk

    ray ban outlet

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