Because cocaine has been proven in clinical studies to induce an over-inflated sense of self-worth (See: Blood, Tiger.), Lindsay decided to vamp it up for the paparazzi this afternoon while leaving her house in Venice Beach. You know, because she’s a beautiful, young actress, lusted after by men and women alike. Which is also why a walking lesbian gargoyle won’t lick her vagina anymore. She’s too intimated.
SAM: Lindsay, I want to be with you, but you’re so super hot I had to see other people and punch you in the mouth whenever you broke into my house and climbed into my bed.
LINDSAY: I forgive you, but only ’cause I’m so pretty.
SAM: Let’s get married!
(How that works in her mind.)