Harrison Ford Basically Destroyed ‘Episode VII’

“Do I look like a guy who won’t break his leg to get out of this thing?”

A little less than two weeks ago, word got out that Harrison Ford broke his ankle after tripping over the door to the Millenium Falcon (No, really.), but everyone seemed optimistic he’d be back in a few weeks. Then things started to go downhill. It went from he actually broke his entire leg, then his pelvis and I stopped paying attention so just assume he died. Harrison Ford’s dead now. Anyway, turns out Han Solo was going to be the main character of Star Wars: Episode VII which just got fucked to Endor and back. (I’ll let myself out.) Via io9:

The rumor is he’ll be sidelined for six full months — which means the movie’s either getting delayed or massively rewritten.
The potential news comes from the UK-based site Jedi News, who says sources told them of an emergency meeting ay Pinewood Studios this morning to discuss how to handle Ford’s sudden unavailability. Since Ford’s Han Solo is reportedly the film’s lead, the only way to make its Christmas 2015 release date — which Disney has refused to move before — is to rewrite Ford’s scenes, or rewrite the script entirely.

Ironically, this happened because of J.J. Abram’s insistence on using practical effects instead of the CGI shitshow that dominated the prequels. Except now he’ll have to use even more CGI or make the whole movie about Mark Hammill and when has that ever created a timeless classic beloved the world over? So you know somewhere George Lucas is laughing because none of ever happened on his sets. “This is exactly why I don’t use anything that wasn’t made by a computer. Including actors which raises the question: Whose baby is that, Rachel Bilson? Whose baby is that? Hahaha, I am evil. PURE EVIL. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Photo: Lucasfilm