Happy Birthday, Heidi Montag, you vapid camera whore, you!

September 16th, 2008 // 119 Comments

Heidi Montag of The Hills turned 22 yesterday and to celebrate her birthday Spencer Pratt took her jewelry shopping followed by an equally staged picnic at the park. I really dig the two of them posing with the diamond cross necklace. Mostly because it renews my faith in God. I take comfort knowing in my heart that someone hears my prayers. Particularly the one where Heidi and Spencer get sent to a parallel dimension where cameras don’t exist and reality stars get stabbed in the eye with the Ebola virus. Or, in other words, Heaven. Aaaaah aahh aahh aahh-men.


  1. Chavette_from_Cov

    I wish I had her boobs and nice teef

  2. Stephanie

    UGH!!!! Nice skin!!!!! CLEARASIL????

  3. No I say!


  4. venomhed

    God damn I hate these kinds of people. This is a perfect example of how robots would behave if we ever make them.

  5. How did I get the retarded troll today??

    Erica – Blow Me!!

  6. jesse


  7. huh?

    #42 there is a story in the bible about jesus turning water into wine. i’m not christian, but even i know about things like that. maybe you are thinking of muslims.

  8. Erica

    Sorry, Jimbo, I’m a girl. Not your type. But good luck finding the blow job, I’m sure you know which rest stops to try.

  9. Professor plum with the lead pipe

    Look here Lady, that cross is not going to keep me away from burying an ice pick into your fake chest and putting a donut sized hole in your aorta. Just saying that’s all.

  10. Damn, her skin looks baaaaaaadddd.

  11. desi

    don’t know what kinda surgery she had on her face, but it looked SO MUCH BETTER before.
    look up pics of her in season 1 of the hills. she was such a beautiful girl, and now her face looks horse-ish.

  12. dude_on

    Bitch has gone mental. This has all of the criteria necessary for a public meltdown. Maybe, finally – there will be some entertainment associated with her and smiley boy as they swan dive into oblivion.

  13. Maximus

    If I didn’t completely loath this idiotic bimbo, I’d say she looks rather attractive in Pic 7. You know. The one in which she’s not mugging like an attention starved ape for some despicable camera-wielding tool who shouldn’t be allowed to publish anything ever again.

  14. Mandy

    Poor Spencer. After each of these little staged events, he has to cleanse himself by spending a couple hours with his personal trainer, “Tripod”, using only a little spit instead of Astroglyde because he’s been a very bad boy.

  15. grobpilot

    I’m getting impatient. When are these two gonna shoot each other in the pussy?

  16. Shit happens when you go to lunch, Jimbo, but don’t worry, I kicked Erica’s ass. And your troll kinda kicked his own ass. And I’m bored. What did you have for lunch today and how was the Cowboys game??

  17. M

    Good old LAPD turns a blind eye to these two drinking in public..

  18. I just had a salad and the Cowboy game was great. Where the F did this Erica bitch come from? It is Rough Daddy in drag?

  19. Sport

    Fake tits. Fake nails. Fake eyelashes. Fake relationship.
    Oh – and disgusting to boot.

  20. coco

    DO NOT WANT. add me to the list of ex-readers sick of seeing this level of scum on the fish. now, excuse me while i go vo– RRRAaaauuUULLGGHHH…

  21. FRIST, there is a new post. I think it is a picture of Erica..

  22. Trix

    How are these people famous? I don’t even understand what fame is anymore.

  23. Cool, I’m on it, thx!!!

  24. Phil McKracken

    #27… I think all chaps are ass-less. That’s what makes them chaps. If they had asses I’m pretty sure we would just call them pants.

  25. Trix

    Although, I’m pretty sure that fame would be able to buy you some good quality face wash or scrub or even just a bag to put over her head would probably work the best.

  26. Believe It!

    Mr Superficial,

    Please stop reporting on the non-happenings of Heidi & Spencer. Why must you perpetuate the bullshit. They are neither celebrities or even somewhat interesting socialites. They are not even noteworthy except that celebrity gossip outlets like yours continue to report on every mundane detail of their uninteresting existence including staged photo ops like the one above. How is that newsworthy? Is it because a publicist pays you for mentioning them? I hope that’s why.

  27. @74, Phil, We all know that. Only a dip shit like Erica doesn’t.

  28. drdanny

    When did Donnie and Marie get bleach jobs?

  29. Fat Chicks Suck

    No matter how ridiculous this crap is you have to admit that she has a smoking hot body. I don’t really like fake tits…but they look alright on her and the rest of her body is virtually perfect. I’d pound the shit out of her.

  30. surgerylass

    garanteed they are not wax as one comment suggests (’cause they are so fake) , by the looks of her skin, 101% bumpy, she needs a good dermatologist.
    Her face should be smooth and fresh, instead it is filled with tiny bumps that look like it would not be nice to touch, at all.

  31. jameberlin

    Ew. Oh my god! Her face looks like sandpaper under all that make-up!

  32. dianne

    they’re so cute…

  33. meridian

    stop posting about this nonentity.

  34. redsonja1313

    SO they polish off a bottle of Crystal and then what…………. did the camera man drive them home ??? They had to be tipsy after that

  35. Gourmet Vagina

    Head too big for the body, bad skin, fake tits, fake nose. . .yeah, you’re gonna notice this chick in a bar, but one 10 minute walk through a mall in Eastern Europe and you’ll see at least 20 chicks better looking- naturally- than this worthless twat.

  36. jessica

    please please please please please stop posting about them. it’s not funny, it’s not interesting, it’s not even embarrassing for them. they keep doing phony photo cameos for a reason – get back to your roots man! only post her when she looks awful or pops a nipple or gets knocked up or something.

    this site is supposed to be funny. there’s nothing funny about heidi montag.

  37. Alli

    Quit making them more famous. These (staged) “candid” moments in their life are soooooooo irritating.

    Now you had to go and get me started… I saw him on TV the other day talking about Kanye’s little spat with the paps and he was all matter of fact and arrogantly talking down to him, basically like, “oh silly Kanye, didn’t you know? it’s easy to deal with the paps, if you are nice to them they leave you alone… ” HAH! You mean if you PAY them every week they don’t fuck with you when you want to be left alone or take a bad picture of you when you aren’t in the mood, look like shit, whatever? He is such an ASS!!!!!! And then it works! All these sites buy the pictures of these “celebrities” and make money for the photos!! Stop it!!!!!

    Do you think they have a meeting every morning when they wake up discussing the plot for the day? “Today let’s go grocery shopping, play in the aisles like we are innocent naive little teens in love from 9 to 10, then off to the mall to buy each other thoughtful gifts, check our voicemail, take a nap, then go out for a romantic dinner and talk about how glad we are we still have our virginity?” BARF!! I can’t WAIT for the sex tape to leak!! HAHAHA

    They have to be the fakest pieces of shit in the entire world (they don’t sleep in the same bed because Spencer is actually gay and probably drinks a bottle of Jack every night to get himself to sleep). I would rather watch Paris Hilton drooling in a coma than watch their meaningless shit for one second. I watched the Hills once for about 3 minutes. It’s a total crap casserole. Heidi WAS a pretty girl back when it started, I will give her that. Now she looks like a pimply tramp. Those shoes are the most hideous skank boots I have seen in years! And the blingy diamond cross? Is she trying to look like the pimp AND the whore at the same time? Fuck even Britney Spears at least wears a tasteful little cross as a symbol of her “beliefs”. And she is a batshit crazy attention whore.

    Let me guess, the next thing you know there will be “a candid” photoshoot at church? Maybe praying, or reading the bible (in public of course)?

  38. natobean19

    #74, ROTFLMAO!!!!

  39. Flower

    Ewwww…. She has really bad skin when you look close up.

  40. Slut

    Let me guess…..this whore is the next celeb to have an opinion…..and how is she a celebrity anyway? CAN’T STAND THIS CHICK!!!!

  41. LALA

    HAHA she looks actually retarded in the picture of her with the boots.

  42. stupid

    you’d think a girl who got a breast enhancement could see a good dermatologist.

  43. bec

    they’re so adorable! love them!

  44. Lucy

    Geez, her skin is horrible. You can see those lumps and bumps from a mile away even with her cake face makeup.

  45. giomon_rocks

    Her medical make-up is doing a really crap job of covering up her nasty ass skin.

  46. Christa

    Check out her visible acne…even the pounds of caked-on foundation can’t hide that.

  47. Anu

    where’s that huge “pink diamond” engagement ring he got her?

  48. sarah

    I finally watched an episode of the Hills, just so I could see if my vein-pulsing hatred was indeed founded.

    and it was. And I even had a brief sympathy pang for Heidi because while she comes across worse in the photos, I kind of think Spencer is partly to blame for her Robo-Bitch personality.
    He is lazy, stupid, selfish and a plethora of other less than desirable adjectives. Every time he’s on screen he’s laying around, eating, playing video games or dictating what happens.

    Will someone please arrange a hunting trip for Spencer Pratt and Dick Cheney?! If Heidi wants to go along and pretend like she knows what’s going on (kind of like the “big” nightclub opportunity in Vegas) – I wouldn’t really mind.

  49. ph7

    The first living, breathing inflatable sex doll. Brain optional


  50. What’s that black thing hanging down from the necklace? Hair? A thread? Wait, let me go full size…

    MY EYES!!!1!

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