Happy Birthday, Heidi Montag, you vapid camera whore, you!

September 16th, 2008 // 119 Comments

Heidi Montag of The Hills turned 22 yesterday and to celebrate her birthday Spencer Pratt took her jewelry shopping followed by an equally staged picnic at the park. I really dig the two of them posing with the diamond cross necklace. Mostly because it renews my faith in God. I take comfort knowing in my heart that someone hears my prayers. Particularly the one where Heidi and Spencer get sent to a parallel dimension where cameras don’t exist and reality stars get stabbed in the eye with the Ebola virus. Or, in other words, Heaven. Aaaaah aahh aahh aahh-men.


  1. When is she going to pose naked in Playboy??

  2. someguy

    First. Be-atches.

  3. Sorry second butt munch!!

  4. Kelley

    OMG, what a bunch of horsh*t … are you sure these two aren’t really two wax dummies from Madame Tussaud’s ?? Incredibly plastic, utterly useless and talentless !

  5. norton

    Whoa…. she’s got some BAD skin…..

    Easy on the makeup cake dumbass.

  6. Khirschy Squirts

    Where are their friends? Such losers!

  7. Ted from LA

    I wish Payne Stewart’s jet would have landed on these two when it crashed.

  8. #1 ewww, why would you – anyone really- want to see that???
    I heard next week..

  9. Jimbo

    I’d let her strap one on and peg my rump!

  10. Kim


    One day she will turn up dead with Spencer standing over her holding a gun. And he will be rewarded with thanks and praise from the entire world!

  11. Rachel

    Wait a minute, who forgot to photo shop her face?!
    Somebody’s going to get fired down at the Spedi compound.

  12. Rachel

    Wait a minute, who forgot to photo shop her face?!
    Somebody’s going to get fired down at the Spedi compound.

  13. You pinned it #10. Yep, and I would say Sears or Shopko..

  14. Lola

    Aah, yes. This is so impromptu and such a surprise. Because it’s everyday a fake blonde, fake boobed, fake teeth, air-head, retarded whore of a bimbo, walks around in the park with a champagne bottle and glass, and the equally worthless bastard blondie-goatee, walk through the park, with baloons the size of her rubber titties and a cake.
    Yes it’s totally normal.
    Another year older, another year to sell more of them being “real” to the world.

  15. combustion8

    I told myself I’d be done with this site if fish posted another speidi sighting.. later.

  16. Captain Obvious 22

    These two have got to be the worst “candid” photo fakers ever. That said – she still looks…hot. I hate to admit it but it’s true.

  17. sirrix

    Yo Fish – Why are you still posting about this woman? You don’t wish everyone else happy birthday… You actually like this bitch, don’t you? Just do us all a favor and cut it out.

  18. Ed

    The very embodiment of the McCain voter.

  19. bar room hero

    She does not look hot, she looks fake. I don’t know, douche bags love “women” that look like her (so do douchbagettes). I guess i’m old fashioned and like a natural woman (and not a dumbass).

  20. Spanky

    @8 – Don’t want to see her in Playboy. Something a little more hardocre so we could see her getting violated by a mule or sucking off an elephant.

  21. J.

    YES, She almost fail my theroy that she needs to open her mouth to let the air out!!! Thanks Hedi for not failing me. You are good now close your mouth until the pressure builds up again!!!

  22. vince


    DONKEY – SHOW !!!!

    heidi – dumb bitch

  23. gits

    She probably could fit that entire cake in her mouth.

  24. Freddo

    What’s noteable to me is that in all their pictures, including the ‘party’ it’s just the two of them…i.e. THEY HAVE NO FRIENDS!

    Oh yeah, also she has a huge chin and bad skin. That’s noteable too.

  25. J.


    I totally agree

  26. jlylec


  27. Erica

    Spencer is one of those really angry closeted gay men. Either he’s not hiding it as well anymore, or he’s almost homicidal from the number of times he thinks he caught a whiff of her pussy. He belongs in buttless chaps at the head of a parade in San Francisco…but Jimbo refuses to give up that spot.

  28. hallie

    Her skin looks nasty.

  29. King Asshole

    the part that the story left out: later that night, she wiggled that diamond cross necklace in spencer’s asshole until he came on their st. francis statue, while masturbating with a crucifix herself, her only real talent.

  30. Candy

    She’s 22?!?! Holy fuck, she looks 30 at least! For God’s sake, she looks like a wax figure. Yuuuuck.

  31. Cheap shot at Jimbo, ERICA, WTF???

  32. Julez

    What are you guys talking about? They are real! ALL REAL!!!

    No, I’m seriously kidding. They can smile, and pose all they want. We ALL know Spencer is an @$$hole and she’s a MORON for still being with him. Did you see what he said to her sister?! If my bf, if I had one, did that to my sister……….oh man… not ONLY would it be over, but he’d get knocked out! She’s so stupid.

  33. Cliff Clavin

    Hey Normie, yeah, it’s a little know fact that Spence Pratt is a government created Douche to annoy the world, and ,uh,Heidi Montag is a walking vernial diseased cesspool.

  34. Pat

    She’s celebrating because Spencer finally managed to give her a facial. Granted, it was when he farted while she was inspecting his infected anal fissures, but still, it was something she always wanted to try.

  35. @18

    Yeah right…I’m sure she isn’t a dummy-crat just like all the other stupid fake Hollywood types.

    In a couple weeks you’ll probably see some staged pics of her campaigning for Obama…cuz she quote “Likes black guys!”

  36. tamie

    ewwwww………..her face is all bumpy and yucky!

  37. I would love to make her ass bleed!!

  38. Fat, Drunk, and Stupid

    When are they going to film the episode where Heidi get staked to the ground face up, and everyone who contributes $5 gets to throw a lawn jart at her from any distance they want. Now the rules clearly state, anyone who can land a lawn jart in her mouth, gets their $5 back, plus 5 more, plus 3 free throws. That episode is going to kick ass.

  39. Jimbo

    #27, I agree with you completely.

    I just bought my chaps and am headed for ‘Frisco.

  40. for the love of god

    Please, please PLEASE stop writing about these two, I thought you promised it a few months ago, or are they paying you too to make them more publicity???

  41. Patty from the Bronx

    I’d hit it. Right uppercut on that lantern jaw

  42. Kendra

    I thought Christians don’t drink…… and I can guarantee you that isn’t a bottle of Sparkling White Grape Juice!! ;)

  43. Fat, Drunk, and Stupid

    #40 if you want them to go away, just don’t watch their show. Calling someone a “vapid camera whore” is not the kind of endorsement anyone would pay for. Not even Heidi Montag who probably doesn’t know what those words mean.

  44. tp

    ZIT FARM!!!

  45. somuchbetter

    Her skin is disgusting

  46. ali

    @ 18. she’s known to be a republican…

    …and on another note, i love heidi montag. love.

  47. ali

    i meant @35.

    …and i still love her chest balloons.

  48. Rachel

    #35 – tardboy – she’s publicly supported McCain several times already. McCain actually said he was “honored” to have her endorsement. Thankfully he was mocked for that afterward and couldn’t keep from laughing himself. Of course, that was back when he had balls and wasn’t hiding behind Palin’s skirt. My favorite story this week was yesterday when McCain and Palin finally split up and held separate events. Palin’s crowd was huge, McCain’s was so sparse it looked like a road crew doing a sound check an hour before a concert.

  49. @42

    mormons aren’t allowed to drink. christians can get tanked all they want. the bible is filled with stories of wine drinking.

  50. havoc

    Who are these fucking people?

    Why do you keep showing these catalog photos?

    Seriously, are they in movies or something?


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