Happy Presidents’ Day and The Worst Idea I’ve Ever Had in My Life

February 21st, 2011 // 85 Comments

…. Okay, I have a drinking problem.

In honor of the two most easily-remembered presidents, The Superficial will call it a day to reflect on the proud moment in our nation’s history when these brave men rode dinosaurs with Jesus into the west, leaving no abortion doctor or minority unshooted. In the meantime, be sure to check out such exciting events as Gwyneth Paltrow in a bikini, John Travolta’s real hair and these two bowls of oatmeal that somehow got tickets to a Rangers game.

Business as usual tomorrow,

- The Superficial

Photos: Sports Illustrated

superficial

  1. Excellent photoshopping skills Fish!!! Lol!!!

  2. Cock Dr

    I like the new photo editor.
    How strange to see that the father of our country had smokin’ hot tits.

  3. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Abe has a camel toe. So wrong.
    He should wax.

  4. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:
  5. Richard McBeef

    #4 – Now that Abraham Lincoln could jump out the window with MY dick in his hand.

  6. The joke’s on you Fish, I still rubbed one out.

  7. ubergoober

    Hey Fish, if it wasn’t for these brave men, you’d be speaking german and working in a factory right now (and that’s a best-case scenario).

    • Ray's Sister

      As it is we are working at Walmart (factories have moved to China) and speaking Spanish. I think it’s time for some new forefathers to step up or else we’re done.

    • ubergoober

      Wow and you took the time out to google that just to be able to come on here and prove me wrong? Get a life fuckin lamo.

      • wondering...

        How many hits are you getting from folks in Egypt? Or Venezuela? How about Libya? Iran? Jordan? Armenia? Syria? None, you say?? Wonder why…could it be…censorship???
        Yeah, America is just so awful. People flood the borders in droves to get into the worst place on the planet, huh?

      • MrGrunge

        ubergoober,

        To be fair, you would have known that too had you completed elementary-level education.

        Go America!

      • hmna

        Um, ubergoober, I actually paid attention during history class, unlike some fucktards I could mention.

    • Bluto Blutarsky

      Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

      • @ubergoober

        some ppl just have the basic knowledge to know that George Washington and Abe Lincoln weren’t president during the world wars. its pretty much basic knowledge.

      • Matt

        Some people also have basic knowledge to know that without no father, there could be no son.

  8. You had body paint pics with visible labia at SI website and you chose these? You ARE a drunk!!! LOL

  9. w00t! I have the Washington Monument in my pants! In other words: A Presidential Boner!

  10. Bucky Barnes

    Y’all can keep George, I’ll stick with stuffin’ Martha’s muffin.

  11. jojo

    This is handy. Now i just have to pull out a $1 or a $5 and I’m ready to spray the drapes.

  12. hapa

    boner alert!!!! i got the hots for our four fathers son!

  13. Savalas

    After studying picture 5, I think I just became a Log Cabin Republican

  14. jumpin_j

    “The worst idea I ever had in my life” – hard to argue with that.

  15. timmy the dying boy

    I wanna see FDR in body paint!

  16. Ed

    George Washington is my hero because he wasn’t afraid to slaughter people in their sleep on Jesus’ birthday.

    • babooda

      Sorry Ed, no cigar! While it is true that Washington crossed the Delaware enroute to attacking the Hessians at Trenton, New Jersey on Dec. 25th, the battle took place the next day,Dec. 26, 1776. Guess you will need to rethink this hero worship thing you have for Washington for killing people on Jesus birthday. One other thing, Dec.25th probably wasn’t really Jesus’ birthday…he was more than likely born in July. That was a day used by the early christian churches to entice the pagans to convert and except the holiday because they already had a religious festival (Winter Solstice) at that time. But who cares about the facts anyway!

  17. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope she takes out her wooden teeth before giving a blowjob.

  18. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Beard and boobs and bikini on one person. Somewhere Tom Cruise just came.

  19. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Chloe Kardashian lost weight!

  20. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    TheTruth
    Commented on this photo:

    The Abe ones are kinda attractive, yea?

  21. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    ad naseum
    Commented on this photo:

    They say that every Lincoln bill has trace amounts of cocaine on it. If so that makes three reasons to sniff this Abe lady.

  22. Jimbo

    Ab Lincoln has a little camel toe going on in pic #4

    • Bucky Barnes

      I don’t think that qualifies as a camel toe because it’s not pulled up into the cleft. Very nice, though. Lookin’ good, Abe!

  23. cc

    ‘The Superficial will call it a day to reflect on the proud moment in our nation’s history when these brave men rode dinosaurs with Jesus into the west, leaving no abortion doctor or minority unshooted.’

    Classic.

    • Matt

      Right, because obviously if you have a conservative leaning, you’re an evil racist and intolerant.

      Unlike liberals like The Superficial writer, who is of course extremely tolerant of other political beliefs.

  24. cc

    Oh no, I just bankrupted by pants!

  25. C. A. Martin

    Man…we get it. You’re a screaming lefty bitch. Fewer reminders, please?

    • BB

      It seems like the political propaganda on this site is getting more and more common as well. I cannot stand when people shove politics down my throat – right or left. This is supposed to be a site about tits and re-re celebrities, not why we should all be ashamed to be Americans. /fail

  26. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Cpc23
    Commented on this photo:

    “I wonder what Jen Aniston is doing today” Chelsea Handler thought to herself.

  27. I cannot tell a lie, I have a chubby.

  28. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Magz
    Commented on this photo:

    get a haircut.

  29. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    AbbeyRoad
    Commented on this photo:

    “Four score and 7 inches ago…”

  30. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Brandon
    Commented on this photo:

    what a butterface

  31. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Greggy C
    Commented on this photo:

    Huh. Looks like Kesha…but hotter.

  32. Talu

    What strange big feet you have, George.

  33. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    murfholio
    Commented on this photo:

    thanks a fuckin’ lot- I’m very confused.

  34. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Brent
    Commented on this photo:

    This is how he looked BEFORE the Civil War. He looked a lot different afterward, due to all the stress.

  35. Pics 1 and 3? Seriously?

    Haven’t we seen enough of John Travolta’s face for one day?

  36. y

    What happened to your more worthy posts…you hardly post anymore. Pinkisthenewblog has 10x more posts daily! Starting to become disappointed in thesuperficial!

  37. lisa

    I thought it was Keisha.

  38. aretha

    ……….a social america?
    YOU MEAN A COUNTRY WHO CARES ABOUT PEOPLE?

    make morgan freeman president, folks!!

  39. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    Josh
    Commented on this photo:

    In my dream job, I learn how to do Photshop and then sit around all day photoshopping funny pictures for the Internet. And people pay me to do it. So you’re pretty close.

  40. the facw only a porn star would love.

  41. the face of only a porn star would love.

  42. Superficial Bitch

    PHEW! At frist I thought Hollywood had decided to ruin Point Break with a sequel.

  43. Never thought I’d want to nail either one of those presidents.

  44. leximar

    This is hilarious

  45. kara

    greatest post ever & i’ve been following this site for like 5 years

  46. joan

    John Travolta looks different-

  47. La Reina Lagarta

    Hey Fish,

    Have you ever considered that maybe BOTH racism and abortion are wrong? Just because Dems are right about a lot of things doesn’t mean they’re right about everything. It’s foolish and ignorant to blindly follow one party, and taking shots at pro-lifers is cheap, cheap, cheap. Stick to titty jokes, they’re your specialty.

  48. Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Photos George Washington Abe Lincoln
    KayKay
    Commented on this photo:

    Brook Hogan is still alive?! AND in bikini….damn it all to hell!

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