Happy Holidays From The Superficial

December 23rd, 2011 // 269 Comments

“Your children drove me to this.”

Roughly 300 AD, it was decided that a sequel to the Old Testament would be shekels in the camels because early Mesopotamia was a lot like modern Hollywood right down to the boy love and rampant golden showering of whores. So a group of writers got together and hashed out a new version of God that would arrive on Earth as a baby (Though sadly not in a rocket ship.) and then never age past 30 for maximum handsomeness. He also wouldn’t facilitate angel rape which was completely falling flat with focus groups. They HATED angel rape. Anyway, this “New Testament” went on to become an international bestseller probably because people spent centuries thinking you could fall off the face of the Earth into the mouth of a dragon. But more importantly, it ironically became the impetus for an over-commercialized holiday where 90% of western civilization is guilted into having a materialistic orgasm all over the faces of peoples they can’t fucking stand for more than 15 seconds. And that’s the story of why we’ll be back Tuesday.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

NOTE: I should probably point out these are completely new photos of Courtney Stodden that we sat on because she literally posed for 100 of these. Which, in my opinion, isn’t near enough photos to accurately portray how much Santa enjoys wafting an “underage” groin directly into his beard. It’s better than coffee, he’ll tell you.

Photos: GSI Media

superficial

  1. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    girlface
    Commented on this photo:

    this is truly the most pathetic photo shoot I’ve ever seen. Can we just bring back Heidi and Spencer? At least they were the same level of stupid.

  2. Bill Clinton

    Isn’t this the same photo TOXXXIC PICTURES used in last months issue of AVN?

  3. Brooke

    He’s sliding down her chimney! Ho ho ho-bag!

    ……

    Sorry. Happy holidays, Fish and Photo Boy.

  4. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    sosadtoseethis
    Commented on this photo:

    # 1 Did EVERYONE forget she is a MINOR???
    #2 What is she trying to promote, her willingness to be a tacky porn star??

  5. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    ET Phone Home
    Commented on this photo:

    FUCK ME SANTA FUCK ME SANTA FUCK ME SANTA

  6. Omg, i almost threw up my left overs. i knew who it was when all i could see was ass. this is seriously disgusting. why baby Jesus? why?!

  7. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    MoonBeam
    Commented on this photo:

    I just can’t with Santa’s eyebrows.

  8. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Kara
    Commented on this photo:

    She understands that she looks like an old lady, right?

  9. Devin B

    Fantastic and extremely amazing! Happy Holidays rocks =)

  10. SFRowGuy

    Santa often gives nutcrackers for Christmas. This one he’s keeping for himself.

  11. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cori heller
    Commented on this photo:

    her parents must be so… proud.
    they’ll be divorced in less than 2 years… make that 1 year. what a sad life they live of superficiality.

  12. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Angela
    Commented on this photo:

    Such a treasure that her Mom gets the peruse such delightfully innocent pics of her daughter and new husband.

  13. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    chuckle
    Commented on this photo:

    rofl…Geee prolly would throw up in its mouth if she even talked to him…poser talking bs……. cause it makes it feel better about being a lonely closet masterbater

  14. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    MOMOE
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks like such a porn star…like a cum guzzler

  15. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    MOMOE
    Commented on this photo:

    isn’t that child pornography??? because shes underage?

  16. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    GROSSSS
    Commented on this photo:

    Well we all know that her nipples are probably fake too because its very obvious that she has gel padding in that top too. Nipples wouldn’t shine through that.

  17. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    GROSSSS
    Commented on this photo:

    what’s up with the short hair on top. I know you can cut hair shorter underneath to give it lift but not that short, thats the result of to much bleaching

  18. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    NICE LICK

  19. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    VeNoM
    Commented on this photo:

    She can’t be 16 years old. You don’t look like that when you’re that young.

  20. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Mick
    Commented on this photo:

    Santa loves HO, HO, HOES

  21. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    McGee
    Commented on this photo:

    She might be very intellectual… and alligators might be dinosaurs.

  22. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    horrible girl
    Commented on this photo:

    Smells like X-mas spirit ! Children should never , ever see those pictures, what would they think of Santa Clause?

  23. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    horrible girl
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s trying so hard to flash her vagina..

  24. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Call CPS
    Commented on this photo:

    santa, will I ever graduate from high school?

  25. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Call CPS
    Commented on this photo:

    Great! Now I have to tell my kids that Santa is a child molester.

  26. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Audrey Jo
    Commented on this photo:

    SO…. she was, like, 16 or 17 in this shoot?

  27. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Can you have sex with a hernia? That’s about all he has protruding.

  28. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL this whole set has me crying. Did one of the special needs Elves apply her tanning lotion?

  29. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, little girl, now you’ll see what Santa does to the naughty ones.”

  30. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d love to open this package under my tree. Ho! Ho! Ho!

  31. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    I would, over and over again.

  32. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    noyb
    Commented on this photo:

    he recoiling because being gay he’s never been that close to pussy before

  33. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    noyb
    Commented on this photo:

    the really scary part is i hope they don’t have kids. how would they incorporate them into all the “wholesome” santa and fun in the snow pics, i shudder to think

  34. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    funeral1
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like he is helping her take a poo. Poor sad pathetic…

  35. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Katia
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’m a Christian”

  36. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Lekili
    Commented on this photo:

    Trash!
    She looks like a 45 year old washed up hooker and he should be in jail for having sex with a minor (when they first met). They are both disgusting and don’t warrant any press attention.

  37. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Fishfarts9999
    Commented on this photo:

    If you morons would stop publishing photos and stories about them, maybe they would GO AWAY!!!

  38. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Your mom
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope her fake tits freeze and pop. lol.

  39. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    grace
    Commented on this photo:

    irrelevant and disgusting.

  40. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    grace
    Commented on this photo:

    Doug-seriously… you are making this molested skank famous for 15 minutes…NO ONE WILL CARE ABOUT EITHER ONE OF YOU NEXT YEAR.

  41. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    God
    Commented on this photo:

    g
    Enough with that fucking arm thing

  42. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    The Zoom Fish, Where is the Zoom!?!?!?!

  43. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Mr. & Mrs. Hutchison… Giving the “X” in “Xmas” an entirely new meaning.

  44. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Too bad that unknown fuzzy thing, at the extreme left side of the frame, wasn’t a polar bear rushing towards them.

  45. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    debo
    Commented on this photo:

    Mmm…young lady I see a future for you in porn! HO HO HO!!

  46. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    mamu
    Commented on this photo:

    santa saves a lady from the cold snow

  47. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Never mind all that … what’s with the black tongue ??? She’s been eating black balls ???

  48. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Where's Dildo
    Commented on this photo:

    The problem is that the white hairs get stuck between the teeth. I’m talking, of course, about his beard hairs getting stuck in her vagina teeth.

  49. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Monsignor Nelson
    Commented on this photo:

    ♫ Courtney the skanky famewhore
    Had a very shiny snatch
    And if you ever saw it
    You’d notice that it has no thatch

    ♪ All of the other famewhores
    Used to laugh and call her “Ho!”
    They wouldn’t let poor Courtney
    Appear on any TV show

    ♫ Then one sunny Christmas day
    Santa came to say
    “Courtney with your snatch so smooth
    Mrghurrghbbrrlllgggrrttthhmmmmggrrrg”

    ♪ Then how the famewhores loved her
    And tweeted out her name with glee
    “Courtney the skanky famewhore
    You gave St. Nick an STD !”

  50. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Listen, you two monkey-fuckers, your antics were cute at first. Well, maybe not cute…attention-grabbing…and I stuck up for you once in a while. But now it’s becoming obsessive and offensive. Why don’t you both knock it off and disappear while there are still refills available on your Thorazine prescriptions…

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