“Your children drove me to this.”
Roughly 300 AD, it was decided that a sequel to the Old Testament would be shekels in the camels because early Mesopotamia was a lot like modern Hollywood right down to the boy love and rampant golden showering of whores. So a group of writers got together and hashed out a new version of God that would arrive on Earth as a baby (Though sadly not in a rocket ship.) and then never age past 30 for maximum handsomeness. He also wouldn’t facilitate angel rape which was completely falling flat with focus groups. They HATED angel rape. Anyway, this “New Testament” went on to become an international bestseller probably because people spent centuries thinking you could fall off the face of the Earth into the mouth of a dragon. But more importantly, it ironically became the impetus for an over-commercialized holiday where 90% of western civilization is guilted into having a materialistic orgasm all over the faces of peoples they can’t fucking stand for more than 15 seconds. And that’s the story of why we’ll be back Tuesday.
Happy Holidays, Everyone!
NOTE: I should probably point out these are completely new photos of Courtney Stodden that we sat on because she literally posed for 100 of these. Which, in my opinion, isn’t near enough photos to accurately portray how much Santa enjoys wafting an “underage” groin directly into his beard. It’s better than coffee, he’ll tell you.
Photos: GSI Media
Wow, all this time I thought Santa was for kids. Turns out Santa is for pussies.
what are you talking about? He’s playing peek-a-boo right there!
This particular Santa IS “for kids.” Santa Dougie would love to deliver a special package to all the little girls and boys.
Careful Santa – if you lick it, your tongue will get stuck to it.
Santa eating pussy. Now I’ve seen everything.
My God, the stench would knock an unconditioned man (read: nonpedophile) off his feet.
i hope that’s not the picture your leaving us with for the weekend.
That’s one gross motorboat!!! Brrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!
Hes looking for the big black dick thats buried in there so he can return it to the Kardashian “Snicker Licker” museum.
This looks like a bad porno movie to me.
WTF is wrong with this chick?
This has been suggested before here, that molested children typically act out in sexually inappropriate ways. They don’t have the usual boundaries that most of us do. Add to the fact she grew up in LA/Hollywood, where sexualizing children (& plastic surgery) is the norm, voila: Courtney Stodden.
She isn’t from LA I don’t think. She sounds like she’s from Tennessee or Alabama or something, but I think I read she is from Washington state.
her mother should be SO proud. so proud.
Where do you think she leaned how to do that?
Her mom and her church
Looks like something crawled into Santa’s bag when he dropped off presents at the Bunny Ranch.
Looks more like it came from the Mustang Ranch.
I got to puke first, and then go to the mall.
Santa only comes once a year—and expect it in 3… 2… 1….
amazing and amusing, your comment.
Jeez. How neglected was this chick while she was growing up? Issues….
Oh I’m guessing she got attention…from her dad or an uncle…in the most inappropriate way possible.
Yeah, not very neglected at all.
That’s really just disgusting.
Who wants herpes for Christmas?
Yikes, she looks so old for her age :(
Who did they hire as a photog, these pictures just suck.
I hate that mouth pose that chicks do when they’re trying to make a sexy face. Your lips don’t look like that.
Sadly, it seems to be very popular…at least amongst the dimwitted.
its called the duckface…they even have a website dedicated to it!
i’m convinced that fucking arm band has been surgically attached to her arm. otherwise, why would she still be wearing it?
Draws attention away from her cutting scars because her mommy called her fat until she found a plastic surgeon willing to operate on a 12 year old.
fap
fap
fap!
All I want for Christmas is for these two to Die
Happy Holidays to you too Fish! Same to all you other crazy fucks in the peanut gallery that keep me coming back for more and more :)
Cheerses!
Back at ya, Komodo!
The melvin that stole Christmas…
This year Santa gets an STD, the gift that keeps on giving.
I’ve been under the mistaken impression Santa wanted milk and cookies. Looks like my underaged daughters won’t be sleeping the X-mas eve.
So, what, are these sardine cookies or something?
Looks like Santa is recoiling from the smell…and this is a man who shovels reindeer shit.
who would you rather see dead…Heidi and Spencer or these two??
Heidi and Spender first (only because they’ve been around longer), followed closely by these two fools.
It seems like we just got rid of Heidi and Spencer, and these two demented freaks show up. It’s like they’re two more mushrooms growing from the same pile of shit…
Heidi and Spencer. I like these two, they don’t take themselves seriously and are kind of amusing, plus Doug has a legit career and actually did work in his life.
HAD a legit career. Doug no longer has a career at all. No one in Hollywood wants anything to do with these two…Why he threw it all away to f some skanky underage girl is beyond me.
Fuck a legit career, he married a child.
When I was in high school, I knew a boy who had to register as a sex offender for having pictures of his (same aged) girlfriend not much worse than this on his phone.
And yet, this is legal?
Amen. Gotta love America.
why doesn’t Santa just put a thumb up her butt and call it a day?
I finally understand the “Box lunch at the Y” joke.
Fish, Photo Boy – Merry Christmas, lads!
she is just gross, no class and really just human waste…get some class little girl, you look CHEAP.
Happy Festivus to you, Fish & Photo Boy! And to all you wonderful regulars who keep me coming back and laughing my jolly ass off every single day!
she has a wet spot down there
hummmm…
“I saw Santa kissing Mommy’s twat
Underneath the mistletoe last night…”
C’mon! Everybody!
…and then Chris Hansen comes out from behind the tree and offers him some milk and cookies…
HAHAHAHAHA
This picture is courtesy of http://www.peoplewhoneedtobegaffed.com
I did not realize you could gift wrap STDs now…
Christ just called. He saw this and wants you to take him out of Christmas.
so funny, thanks!
Good lord, look at the bald spot forming on the back of her head!
+100000 NEVER noticed that till now
thats where he sets his beer
Superficial can you please explain why you never comment on the fact that Doug is gay??? I have seen interviews of the two of them and it doesn’t take but a second to see that Doug is gay. I know this whole thing (the couple) is just for publicity/money but I can’t believe you haven’t mentioned once that he is gay.
If she’s supposed to be under aged as she claims…doesn’t this walk the fine line of porn? Or is there a loophole that as long as the teenaged subject is married its all ok? Just further proof she’s really 45 not 17
She is 18 as of last August.
Too skanky for regifting. Unless, of course, there’s someone on your list you want to give multiple STDs to.
No, no, no Santa, not unless there’s a sprig of holly hanging over it.
Oh no, he’s about to eggnog in his pants!
o gawd…. *rolls eyes*
Hold her steady honey…Santa can’t see his weewee over his gut and needs to aim carefully.
Hmmm, smells like gingerbread cookies.
Thank for the stripper heals Santa, now I am going to hump you!
Shhh, don’t tell him about the threesome I had with the elves.
The old box emerges from a new one.
As pure as the driven snow.
I don’t know about you, but I had ‘anus’ on my Christmas list.