Happy Holidays From The Superficial

December 23rd, 2011 // 269 Comments

“Your children drove me to this.”

Roughly 300 AD, it was decided that a sequel to the Old Testament would be shekels in the camels because early Mesopotamia was a lot like modern Hollywood right down to the boy love and rampant golden showering of whores. So a group of writers got together and hashed out a new version of God that would arrive on Earth as a baby (Though sadly not in a rocket ship.) and then never age past 30 for maximum handsomeness. He also wouldn’t facilitate angel rape which was completely falling flat with focus groups. They HATED angel rape. Anyway, this “New Testament” went on to become an international bestseller probably because people spent centuries thinking you could fall off the face of the Earth into the mouth of a dragon. But more importantly, it ironically became the impetus for an over-commercialized holiday where 90% of western civilization is guilted into having a materialistic orgasm all over the faces of peoples they can’t fucking stand for more than 15 seconds. And that’s the story of why we’ll be back Tuesday.

Happy Holidays, Everyone!

NOTE: I should probably point out these are completely new photos of Courtney Stodden that we sat on because she literally posed for 100 of these. Which, in my opinion, isn’t near enough photos to accurately portray how much Santa enjoys wafting an “underage” groin directly into his beard. It’s better than coffee, he’ll tell you.

Photos: GSI Media

superficial

  1. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Evil Dick Tater
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, all this time I thought Santa was for kids. Turns out Santa is for pussies.

  2. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    CANTSTOPSTARING
    Commented on this photo:

    Careful Santa – if you lick it, your tongue will get stuck to it.

  3. Josh

    My God, the stench would knock an unconditioned man (read: nonpedophile) off his feet.

  4. nat

    WTF is wrong with this chick?

    • Reading is Sexy

      This has been suggested before here, that molested children typically act out in sexually inappropriate ways. They don’t have the usual boundaries that most of us do. Add to the fact she grew up in LA/Hollywood, where sexualizing children (& plastic surgery) is the norm, voila: Courtney Stodden.

      • Brooke

        She isn’t from LA I don’t think. She sounds like she’s from Tennessee or Alabama or something, but I think I read she is from Washington state.

  5. Rudolph

    This looks like a bad porno movie to me.

  6. Any Guy

    her mother should be SO proud. so proud.

  7. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like something crawled into Santa’s bag when he dropped off presents at the Bunny Ranch.

  8. Dancer

    I got to puke first, and then go to the mall.

  9. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Santa only comes once a year—and expect it in 3… 2… 1….

  10. help

    Jeez. How neglected was this chick while she was growing up? Issues….

  11. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    help
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s really just disgusting.

  12. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Who wants herpes for Christmas?

  13. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    help
    Commented on this photo:

    Yikes, she looks so old for her age :(

  14. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    help
    Commented on this photo:

    Who did they hire as a photog, these pictures just suck.

  15. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    help
    Commented on this photo:

    I hate that mouth pose that chicks do when they’re trying to make a sexy face. Your lips don’t look like that.

  16. mrsmass

    i’m convinced that fucking arm band has been surgically attached to her arm. otherwise, why would she still be wearing it?

    • Can

      Draws attention away from her cutting scars because her mommy called her fat until she found a plastic surgeon willing to operate on a 12 year old.

  17. jerkin

    fap
    fap
    fap!

  18. Coyote

    All I want for Christmas is for these two to Die

  19. Happy Holidays to you too Fish! Same to all you other crazy fucks in the peanut gallery that keep me coming back for more and more :)

    Cheerses!

  20. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Chinny
    Commented on this photo:

    The melvin that stole Christmas…

  21. richie

    This year Santa gets an STD, the gift that keeps on giving.

  22. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Jesus Died For My Penis
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve been under the mistaken impression Santa wanted milk and cookies. Looks like my underaged daughters won’t be sleeping the X-mas eve.

  23. Santa

    So, what, are these sardine cookies or something?

  24. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like Santa is recoiling from the smell…and this is a man who shovels reindeer shit.

  25. Hugh Gentry

    who would you rather see dead…Heidi and Spencer or these two??

    • Heidi and Spender first (only because they’ve been around longer), followed closely by these two fools.

      • It seems like we just got rid of Heidi and Spencer, and these two demented freaks show up. It’s like they’re two more mushrooms growing from the same pile of shit…

    • Venom

      Heidi and Spencer. I like these two, they don’t take themselves seriously and are kind of amusing, plus Doug has a legit career and actually did work in his life.

      • Famous Plastic

        HAD a legit career. Doug no longer has a career at all. No one in Hollywood wants anything to do with these two…Why he threw it all away to f some skanky underage girl is beyond me.

      • Brooke

        Fuck a legit career, he married a child.

  26. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    When I was in high school, I knew a boy who had to register as a sex offender for having pictures of his (same aged) girlfriend not much worse than this on his phone.

    And yet, this is legal?

  27. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    why doesn’t Santa just put a thumb up her butt and call it a day?

  28. I finally understand the “Box lunch at the Y” joke.

    Fish, Photo Boy – Merry Christmas, lads!

  29. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Lee
    Commented on this photo:

    she is just gross, no class and really just human waste…get some class little girl, you look CHEAP.

  30. Satan's bitch

    Happy Festivus to you, Fish & Photo Boy! And to all you wonderful regulars who keep me coming back and laughing my jolly ass off every single day!

  31. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Lee
    Commented on this photo:

    she has a wet spot down there

  32. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Satan's bitch
    Commented on this photo:

    hummmm…
    “I saw Santa kissing Mommy’s twat
    Underneath the mistletoe last night…”
    C’mon! Everybody!

  33. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    …and then Chris Hansen comes out from behind the tree and offers him some milk and cookies…

  34. bigalkie

    This picture is courtesy of http://www.peoplewhoneedtobegaffed.com

  35. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    I did not realize you could gift wrap STDs now…

  36. Jimmy

    Christ just called. He saw this and wants you to take him out of Christmas.

  37. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Itchies
    Commented on this photo:

    Good lord, look at the bald spot forming on the back of her head!

  38. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Superficial can you please explain why you never comment on the fact that Doug is gay??? I have seen interviews of the two of them and it doesn’t take but a second to see that Doug is gay. I know this whole thing (the couple) is just for publicity/money but I can’t believe you haven’t mentioned once that he is gay.

  39. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Bazinga
    Commented on this photo:

    If she’s supposed to be under aged as she claims…doesn’t this walk the fine line of porn? Or is there a loophole that as long as the teenaged subject is married its all ok? Just further proof she’s really 45 not 17

  40. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    Commented on this photo:

    Too skanky for regifting. Unless, of course, there’s someone on your list you want to give multiple STDs to.

  41. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    No, no, no Santa, not unless there’s a sprig of holly hanging over it.

  42. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh no, he’s about to eggnog in his pants!

  43. adolf hitler

    o gawd…. *rolls eyes*

  44. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Hold her steady honey…Santa can’t see his weewee over his gut and needs to aim carefully.

  45. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Hmmm, smells like gingerbread cookies.

  46. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Thank for the stripper heals Santa, now I am going to hump you!

  47. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    Shhh, don’t tell him about the threesome I had with the elves.

  48. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    The old box emerges from a new one.

  49. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    As pure as the driven snow.

  50. Courtney Stodden Bikini Doug Hutchison Santa
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t know about you, but I had ‘anus’ on my Christmas list.

Leave A Comment