Halle Berry e-mailed Access Hollywood on Tuesday to announce she’s officially three-months pregnant. Check out Us Magazine’s dynamite reporting of the joyous news:
After years of rumors, Halle Berry is pregnant. She and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry are expecting a baby in 2008. The 41-year old actress emailed Access Hollywood anchor Nancy O’Dell today and told her, “Yes, I am three months pregnant. Gabriel and I are beyond excited and I’ve waited a long time for this moment in my life. Now the next seven months will be the longest of my life!”
After years of rumors, huh? That’s some cracker-jack writing. Only Us Magazine could claim that Halle Berry has looked pregnant for years. Talk about cold-blooded. You’d think they’d abandon their theory after roughly nine months or so when, I don’t know, a child doesn’t pop out of her Oscar-winning vagina. Of course, one can’t expect Us Magazine to have any knowledge of the human birthing process. I once applied to be a writer there and during my interview all I had to do was finger paint a giraffe. When I wrote my name at the top, they told me I was over-qualified and should take my “words smarts” elsewhere.
whatever | September 5, 2007 at 10:05 am
First!!!
whatever | September 5, 2007 at 10:06 am
No way! I actually got first! Fuck you losers! Ha Ha Ha!!! Take that bitches!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING FIRST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whatever | September 5, 2007 at 10:06 am
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jrzmommy | September 5, 2007 at 10:07 am
ummmm… Math obviously isn’t Halle’s forte………3 mos. pregnant and this is going to be the longest 7 months of her life. Another doomed Hollywood brat.
mdiz | September 5, 2007 at 10:07 am
Damn she is fine… I mean super fine..
Brock Landers | September 5, 2007 at 10:08 am
Am I the only one that doesn’t think she’s all that attractive anymore. Boomerang and Strictly Business is when she was at her peak.
MMMSimmons | September 5, 2007 at 10:08 am
Have you noticed how I keep trying to start shit with Jrzmommy for no reason? I do this because I have no place to direct all the rage I have inside of me at my misshapen head and my microscopic dick. I’m a freak…a real loser. I’ve never kissed a girl, let alone have sex with one….well, not counting the goat on Uncle Lou’s farm….and even the goat was a boy goat. And have I told you all how really dimwitted I am. I am, I’m completely stupid. I can barely read, can’t do basic math and I actually ENJOY Jerry Springer. But not that Maury Povich…that shit is just way too far out of my league. I can’t understand a word they’re saying on that show. And speaking of shows, I try to jerk off to The View ladies. I do! I turn them on and I get all tingly down there and just start to go for it. Do you know I cry when I jerk off? I do. But I only get so far and then I have to give up…..the tweezers I need to use to hold onto my pin dick start to chafe me and I can only look through that magnifying glass for so long….
But anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’m just a lonely, miserable fucked up freak and that’s why I start shit with Jrzmommy. It’s not her fault….it’s mine for being a complete and utter misfit.
jrzmommy | September 5, 2007 at 10:10 am
PS: She’s looking entirely too much like Posh for my liking here. Next thing you know she’ll be sneering all the time and wearing hideous clothes and hanging out with scientologist stepford wives………
kocka | September 5, 2007 at 10:12 am
Women are generally pregnant for around 40 -42 months, give or take. So her saying she’s 3 mos along and the next 7 will be the longest of her life, isn’t off at all.
jrzmommy | September 5, 2007 at 10:16 am
40 or 42 months………….jesus…..the chronically math and biology challenged are overtaking the rest of us.
And that 40 weeks shit starts getting counted on the first day of the mother’s last period…when they obviously ARE NOT pregnant. It’s 9 months. No one is pregnant for 10 months. NO ONE………And when I say NO ONE I mean NO ONE!!!!!
Frick! | September 5, 2007 at 10:19 am
Thats going to be one interesting looking child. Will it still be considered milato since the mom is half white too? I don’t know though, if I were Halle, I think I would have waited longer than 3 months to announce I’m preggers…espc at that age…you just never know, bad things can happen (but hopefully they don’t). But I’m happy for her none the less. Good ol’ IVF! Thank you science, ‘cus I just might be needing me some of that one day!
veggo | September 5, 2007 at 10:26 am
A cows gestation period is 280 days. A Jackass is pregnant for 365 days. hmmmmm.
bottlesandcansjustclapyourhands | September 5, 2007 at 10:30 am
12–those are animals…..not a human…..what’s your point?
veggo | September 5, 2007 at 10:33 am
maybe shes part jackass? It might explain why she’s going to be pregnant for, um, around 4 years according to #9-
bottlesandcansjustclapyourhands | September 5, 2007 at 10:34 am
Ah, okay. I just thought you were calling jrz a jackass and I was going to pull off your mask and yell “MMMSIMMONS!!!!!!”
Emily | September 5, 2007 at 10:37 am
she thinks your pregnant for 10 months. i’m embarassed for her.
Prince Igor | September 5, 2007 at 10:42 am
7 months ?
and she’s already 3 months in ?
am I the only one who can do elementrary math here ?
marme | September 5, 2007 at 10:43 am
Isnt is like 40?
marme | September 5, 2007 at 10:44 am
ooops haha isnt SHE 40?
bottlesandcansjustclapyourhands | September 5, 2007 at 10:44 am
No, #17, Jrz did the math for us up at the top.
mywellrehearsedmistake | September 5, 2007 at 10:50 am
hhaaahhhaa i love how #9 tried to correct Jrzmommy with that 40-42 months shit. What a loser.
14. I think maybe Halle is 4 Jackasses if she’s gonna be pregnant for 4 years. or maybe she’s two jackasses and her loser boyfriend is also two. the combination of jackass genes.
veggo | September 5, 2007 at 10:50 am
In better news, Mary-Kate made out with various questionable men while friends took pictures. She was grinding some pole with another girl, drunk as shit, wearing a see through dress, and then fell over a table onto the floor. The Lohanisation of the Olsen twins continues.
Ooba Gooba | September 5, 2007 at 10:51 am
She looks REAL happy.
I recall her saying a couple of years ago that she was all finished with men.
anothermomwhodoesmath | September 5, 2007 at 10:51 am
40 weeks is 10 months… sorry people. most people when counting weeks into a month consider 4 weeks to be one month. 40 weeks divided by 4 weeks in a month… check that out. basic 1st grade math.
mywellrehearsedmistake | September 5, 2007 at 10:56 am
hi post number 24 – can i introduce you to post number 10.
Jrzmommy already answered that question. Read the comments b4 you post.
MOTHER NATURE | September 5, 2007 at 10:59 am
The 40 weeks of pregnancy STARTS on the last day of a woman’s period….which is a pretty good fucking indicator that she is NOT pregnant. Women get pregnant when they OVULATE which is generally 2-3 weeks AFTER they have their period. It’s definately closer to 9 months, but never 10. After 9 months 2 weeks of pregnancy, there are an entire plethora of risks involved to both the mother and the baby. No one is pregnant for 10 months.
FagHag | September 5, 2007 at 11:01 am
40 weeks equals 9.230840237 months.
There are 4.3333 weeks per month. 52 weeks divided by 12 months equals 4.3333.
JJ | September 5, 2007 at 11:01 am
She should wear a bra; her breasts are already a tad lower, and will get worse with pregnancy/breastfeeding even if she does wear a bra.
anothermomwhodoesmath | September 5, 2007 at 11:02 am
25- i disagree with jrzmommy. i read the comments. which is why i posted.
jrzmommy | September 5, 2007 at 11:03 am
Either way, 40 weeks, 9 months, I’m surprised Halle doesn’t think the stork will bring the baby and that she swallowed a watermelon seed and that’s a watermelon growing in her belly.
Jus' Stupid | September 5, 2007 at 11:04 am
Dang, she is going to be fat and disgusting for a year or so. Bummer. She has the hottie genes, and will lose them for a bit…
jrzmommy | September 5, 2007 at 11:04 am
AND CALL OFF THE AL SHARPTON BRIGADE…My comment in #30 is not racist and it’s not meant to be racist so I’m nipping this shit in the bud right now.
jrzmommy | September 5, 2007 at 11:08 am
29–how can you disagree with…..with…..fact? If a woman is not pregnant when she has her period, which is Week 1 of 40, and CANNOT get pregnant until she ovulates–roughly 2 or 3 weeks AFTER her period (WEEK 1), this brings us down to roughly 37 weeks, which is considered FULL TERM– how does this add up to 40 weeks? Do you just simply not understand?
Miss Tacky | September 5, 2007 at 11:10 am
great news! with hers and gabriel’s genes, the baby is going to be super gorgeous!
missobvious | September 5, 2007 at 11:18 am
@26 said “No one is pregnant for 10 months” No, but is sure feels that way!
Chauncey Gardner | September 5, 2007 at 11:48 am
Awesome. Pregnancy is just thing Halle Berry needed to make her even more emotionally disturbed. Of all the basket cases in Hollywood, she’s probably the most likely to actually smother her kid and kill herself.
T | September 5, 2007 at 11:55 am
She’s annoying.
Prediction: They’ll split up about 6 months after the baby’s born, (as do most celebs) only in this case it’s because she probably just wants a good looking baby daddy.
lambman | September 5, 2007 at 11:57 am
Well, if it turns out she doesn’t enjoy being a mom she can always give the kid to Angelina or Madonna…it’s only 3/4 white so at least one of them should want it.
Gerald Ford | September 5, 2007 at 12:06 pm
Ahhh – math problems, my favorite! Here’s one:
FRIST and veggo board busses 7 miles apart but headed directly toward each other. FRIST is carrying the lube, veggo the double-headed diltdo. FRIST’s bus is twice as fast as veggo’s. Assuming that FRIST will make a 10-minute stop after .75 mile to buy some heroin, how far will each of them travel before insertion?
sasha | September 5, 2007 at 12:40 pm
actually 40 weeks divide that up and tell me how many months hint its sure as hell not 9 months. Wishful thinking on her part
Another Biology Expert | September 5, 2007 at 12:51 pm
40–see 10, 26, 33
whatever | September 5, 2007 at 1:30 pm
#10 – let me get this straight: are you trying to tell us that most women aren’t pregnant for 10 months, but some are?
Or that no one is pregnant for 10 months?
You need to clear that shit up!
4real | September 5, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Man some of you are dumbasses. NOBODY is pregnant for 40 weeks. You can divide 4 into 40 and get 10…BUT NOBODY IS PREGNANT FOR 40 weeks.
Learn to read or get a brain.
whatever | September 5, 2007 at 1:32 pm
BTW, did everyone notice that…
I WAS FUCKING FIRST!!! YES BITCHES! TAKE THAT IN THE ASS!!!
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bob | September 5, 2007 at 1:57 pm
God did anyone see her in perfect stranger? I dont know whats worse, that she or cuba gooding won an oscar, she is a horrible actress.
jrzmommy | September 5, 2007 at 2:04 pm
42–Please tell me you’re being sarcastic and you’re really not irretreivably stupid
Italian Stallion | September 5, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I can’t wait to see dem pregnant titties………..
Oh Bama | September 5, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Stretch marks look especially hideous on blackamores. That will be distracting during the obligatory doggiestyle scene in Monster’s Ball II: Death Row Anals.
A. Doeller | September 5, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Women are actually pregnant for 10 lunar months, which is 40 weeks. Lunar months were originally used during pregnancy.
give it up | September 5, 2007 at 3:16 pm
49–no they aren’t.