Gwyneth Paltrow’s life is so hard. So hard.

March 20th, 2009 // 90 Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow lives a tortured existence. Turns out she’s being forced to make millions of dollars to star in Iron Man 2 which means she has to move to LA for a few months. Curse you, cruel world! The Sun reports:

“I’m feeling mother guilt because my daughter’s looking forward to going, but my son always says, ‘I don’t want to leave my London house’ – and I feel pretty guilty about that.
“I just try to say, ‘Well, but we’re going to swim and it’ll be sunny.’ I try to point out the positives.”
“But when I’m always there, and I’m always doing school runs and I’m always around – and then I just disappear for 14 hours a day to film – it’s hard.”

Christ, what adversity. Of course, a simple solution would be not work and enjoy the boatloads of cash you currently have. And don’t sell me that crap about being a slave to your “art.” You’re playing the secretary in a superhero movie. Gwyneth Paltrow’s going to answer Iron Man’s phone, everybody! Shine up those Oscars!

Photos: Getty

  1. Que

    Que poor baby. :(

  2. hilarious comments, fish. “Best Oscar for a scene involving White Out goes to”….

  3. xxxdeadgirlsuperstarxxx


  4. gits

    IF she actually takes care of her kids like a real mom, and doesn’t pawn most of it off to a live-in nanny, yeah, it’d be tough for the kids to have her gone all day and into the night almost every day for 2-3 months.


  5. buttfucker


  6. Farles Chew

    She should get that CNBC douche-bag Santelli to represent her! “Oh the pity the rich with their riches!”

  7. nerd

    A valid comment made by an invalid person.

  8. blah

    What on EARTH is Donna Karan wearing??? That’s the real story here.

  9. DallasBarbie

    Thank you for pointing out what we have known since she named her kids Apple and Moses: her pretentious phoniosity knows absolutely no bounds. Poor little tots…mommy loves mommy so much.

  10. Brian

    Shes hurtin for a squirtin

  11. Turd Ferguson

    What a cunt. Typical spoiled, out of touch with reality, celebritard.

  12. Smiling can be hard indeed when you’re in america these day’s, folks!!

  13. Bots

    Um… that does sound kind of tough, taking your kids away from a familiar setting and having to leave them for 14 hours a day.

    I don’t get the hostility here. For once she didn’t say anything vapid. Believe it or not Fish, some people actually value their family over money.

  14. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Was her mouth ALWAYS this big? She looks like a nutcracker.

    Either that or she’s channeling The Joker.

  15. Zanna

    @13 – if she valued family over money, she wouldn’t be taking a stupid assed role in a sequel. She can stay in her “london house” and write on her idiotic blog.

  16. Jeezy


  17. Andrea

    If you pick certain careers, you know you won’t be able to be a consistently present and involved parent. If you stay with that career after having kids, you can’t say you’re conflicted, because you’re not – you’ve made your choice. Maybe you feel guilty every so often, but clearly not enough to motivate you to make different choices. My point is: shut the fuck up, Gwynyphth, you fucking phony.

  18. Pope Benedict

    I can’t believe Madonna dumped Jesus. But as long as they hadn’t been using condoms I suppose it’s ok.

    p.s. No meat today, kids!

  19. GuyHolly

    Is there going to be a scenne where she gets bent over the desk and repeatedly ass raped. That would be Oscar worthy.

  20. Pilatunes

    Her acting in the first Iron Man was about as compelling as a plank…she is lucky they asked her back. And the first movie sucked.

  21. Zanna

    @ 20 – my goodness…looks like someone opened the lid to the jar this morning!

  22. quake

    I’m eating ramen noodles for lunch. Fuck her.

  23. jrz

    “Mummy….I don’t want to leave our LONDON home. I want to stay here and be pale.”

  24. Zanna

    @24 – and let his teeth rot. You know how they’re all pale and have bad teeth.

  25. Jrz

    What’s her son’s name? Tinklis or Gulliver some shit? What is it? Seriously.

  26. Zanna

    Moses. And her daughter is Apple.

  27. Jrz

    I bet he wears them gay velvet shorts with a jacket and runs around holding a wooden sail boat.

  28. jrz

    MOSES? Surely he’s not a 70 year old black man. Why’d she name him Moses. Man, she’s a douche. My cat who died was named Moses. There…take that Gwenyth…you named your kids after my CAT!

  29. Beth

    The kids sure will miss Mommy talking on the phone in the other room.

  30. Zanna


  31. Vick

    I thought she gave her son some type of Kabbalah name that means “the hated penis.”

  32. Jrz

    Moses is gonna end up like Morrissey….asexual and deeply depressed.

  33. nicemusic

    Her dress is wonderful! like alwayzzzzzzzz!!!She’s always so fierce and lovely, i love her. It’s reported from NewYork times that She created an account at a wealthy romance site****”R i c h S i n g l e . N e t”*** to meet a sexy and strong boy in a coffee shop last week.

  34. #29 – Worse, she named her kid after your DEAD cat..

  35. Richport's Ghost

    C’mon where’s the good fapping material I need for the weekend?

    Zac Effeminate? Shirtless Matthew McConaCock? George Burns’ corpse in a Speedo?

    God I hate myself. Maybe I’ll find a Men’s Health magazine & go to town.

  36. Smarg

    America-hating dreg bitch with flat saggy tits. Eew.

  37. Jrz

    “I don’t LIKE physical activity, Mummy…..I want to just stay in my chambers and paint pictures of the orchards.”

  38. beep beep

    She should take up skiing.

  39. IronGuy

    Will she have nude scenes? Not too many years left before she’ll have to stop those, so strike while the iron’s hot and give those fried eggs some time in front of the lens.

    Will we get to see if IronMan is really an iron man?

    Oh, I’m sorry… I thought this was “The Superficial,” and not “Modern Parenting.”

  40. Jrz

    EXACTLY. She named her kid after something that’s dead that licked it’s own ass….and liked it.

  41. Zanna

    Touche, JRZ…touche…..

  42. Debbie Downsized

    Dear Gwynnie,

    Imagine having to relocate your kids to a different house not to film a sequel but because your home has been foreclosed.

    Leaving them for 14 hours a day with strangers in daycare to work jobs paying little more than minimum wage because you’ve been given a pink slip from your real job.

    Imagine standing in the queue for 2.5 hours at the unemployment office with aforementioned children hanging off your arms to collect a pittance AND THEN waiting for 2 months for benefits to actually kick in.

    Really? You are asking your kids to leave their “London House” to slum it in Southern California for several months?

    Some words of advice? SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP.

  43. Deacon Jones



  44. PuhLEASE.

    She should take up skiing…IN CANADA.

    And take a Greyhound Bus through Winnipeg to get there.

  45. Jrz

    Hey! Maybe she should tell the little brat to shut the fuck up and suggest that he go live in the projects with Uncle Joaquin!

  46. Who knew one of Madona’s best friends does movies…

  47. Apes in the White House

    I hate NlGGERS !!!

    Just thought I’d get that out of the way.

  48. @28 – HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (breathe) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……. wooden sail boat…….. my sides……..

    Yet another reason to love Jrz and Zanna………. though I fear Richport may have gone off the deep end.

  49. Zanna

    The good doctor is in the house!!!!!!! I think RichPort is a troll. The RichPort I know would never fap to a Men’s Health Magazine.

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