Gwyneth Paltrow not loved by all? Impossible!

April 17th, 2009 // 75 Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow took to GOOP to write about a “frenemy” who was surprisingly not enamored by all-things Gwyneth. Clearly, this person must be Satan:

Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road.

Page Six suggests the “frenemy” is Winona Ryder who shared an apartment with Gwyneth and competed with her for the lead in Shakespeare in Love. I was going to say it was Madonna, but everyone knows she simply feasts upon the flesh of her enemies. Ha! I was way off.

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. Eric Cartman

    Shit-faced cockmaster.

  2. mikeock

    Hey Gwyneth – my dick is vegan approved.

  3. Brandon

    Gwyneth Paltrow is not remotely attractive, and her acting is not remotely impressive. Her career is completely inexplicable to me. She’s not much to look at or watch…I just don’t get it.

  4. Jrz

    Was it Apple?

  5. nastyjay

    needs inbetweens those legs

  6. Hulk Hogan

    It was Nicole Simpson.

  7. OctoMom

    Nice sun damage.

  8. Jones

    I think it was that obese mom who went to get her 11th cupcake of the morning and her infant fell off the couch and cracked his head and then slipped into a coma and died when the mom inexplicably went on the internet to ask medical questions at a celebrity-bashing blog and her chair collapsed under her immense weight and a snapped-off chairleg pierced her rectum and she bled out while beached-whale-flopping…toward the remaining cupcake.

  9. I think that person’s name was red meat.

  10. Jrz

    OH. MY. GOD. NUMBER 8
    BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    AHAHAHAH
    AHAHA
    AHAHAHA
    AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHA
    *choke choke choke*
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

  11. Mal Gusto

    Anyone who actually uses that phrase “frenemy” is automatically a total douche. I hate this bitch more every time I hear from her. Can you imagine the level of asshattey that must occur when she, Madonna and the lead from ColdPlay get together? Thank God Guy Richie got out!

  12. Mal Gusto

    Anyone who actually uses that phrase “frenemy” is automatically a total douche. I hate this bitch more every time I hear from her. Can you imagine the level of asshattey that must occur when she, Madonna and the lead from ColdPlay get together? Thank God Guy Richie got out!

  13. Mr. Jones

    I heard that Winona has a big brown beaver.

  14. meaghan (grimace)

    what a stupid thing to do i felt like the worst mum ever. that was such a terrible moment seeing my babys tiny helpless body lying there on the ground

  15. Gee….do you think she’s referring to Winona Ryder’s shoplifting conviction?

  16. Objection sustained

    Objection! Relevance?!

  17. NellyNLove

    I want to know who the superficial writer is…<3

  18. sirrix

    Umm… seriously – you disabled comments for that “whatisthenewblack” AD?? I wonder why?

    Stop disguising ads as posts – as little legitimacy as you may think you have, it’s just pathetic, fish. We know you need the money, but that’s just lame and it’s misleading to your faithful readers.

  19. OctoMom

    @ 14 – it would have been worse if your baby’s tiny helpless body was laying on your cupcake though.

  20. I can’t stand this heffer. Her idea of affordable is like 200-300 for a pair of shoes. She wants to save the world (or whatever?), she should donate her money to help the needy.

    “Frenemy” is so SATC 2007, yo.

  21. meaghan

    i let out a strangled “oh my god” yell as i bolted to him, and picked him up off the floor; his face was all screwed up in a silent howl cos the sound hadn’t come yet.
    then it started, a full howl cry – giant open mouth, red screwed up face, a continuous siren note of shock.
    #19 i was trying to push my breast into his mouth to comfort him but he was crying so hard it was half a minute before he took it and started to calm down.

    then while he was sadly sucking, i was feeling him everywhere for injury, checking his face and head, then squeezing all his joints to see if he’d broken anything.
    THANK GOD nothing was wrong, not a scratch or bruise. in fact he’s hurt himself harder scratching his own face with his nails.

  22. Verez

    Hottie.

  23. Verez

    I’ve got some GOOP for you, Gwyneth.

  24. Jrz

    I certainly hope “Impossible” is being pronounced “Im-poss-see-bluh”, Fish….this IS Gwenyth Paltrow we’re talking about.

  25. Courtyardpigeon

    She has amazing legs!

  26. “i was trying to push my breast into his mouth to comfort him but he was crying so hard it was half a minute before he took it and started to calm down.”

    Funny, that’s what my wife told her friends after the first time she denied me sex…

  27. OctoMom

    @ 21 but what happened to the 11th cupcake of the morning?

  28. Jrz

    “his face was all screwed up in a silent howl cos the sound hadn’t come yet.
    giant open mouth, red screwed up face, a continuous siren note of shock.”

    Sounds like when Guy’s wife took his balls and put them in that jar for the first time.

  29. Tom

    She’d be a great hate-fuck.

  30. #28 – HAHAHAHAHA Jrz…

    Hey, uh, “meaghan”… you’re awfully descriptive for someone who almost killed their infant.

  31. Zanna

    I thought only old men wore socks with sandals.

  32. jrz

    ZANNA!!!!!!!!

  33. Zanna

    JRZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  34. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

  35. Monster Vag with Stank and lots of hair

    I hate this cunt more than anyone and not sure why. I get the feeling she thinks her nasty twat doesn’t stink. I hate hollywood with all my colon contents. Whoever runs hollywood should just stop breathing. Freaks and dirtbags.

  36. kels

    another perfect example of what a boring white bread woman resembles…

  37. kels

    another perfect example of what a boring white bread woman resembles…

  38. Jrz

    And how was MN?

  39. Alex

    Can you imagine going through life with all of her advantages and turning out like that? Oscar winning actress. Meh.

    Shes like American royalty and I think we would all be better off without her in the public eye.

  40. Jrz– that did hurt like a motherfucker; but I got used to it after the 40th time or so.

  41. mamamiasweetpeaches

    SOCKS WITH SANDALS????? Doesnt that pretntious stuck-up cunt know only little girls under 8 and old retired men over 60 do that?????

  42. Ped Egg

    Orthopedic shoes at her age. Oh, I forgot that she is almost 50, well, that could explain it.

  43. Rhialto

    I know how to treat these frenemies.Is Amnesty International looking?

  44. james

    uhhh… no comments allowed on your “I have no idea what this is and it’s certainly not subversive marketing” post below?

    ick.

  45. Sauron

    Poor me! I don’t have any frenemies anymore! What happened?

  46. His Huge Greatness Himself

    Hands up frenemies! One wrong move and all your genes will be smoked outta this world!

  47. Darth

    Hola frenemies! Did i hear something?

  48. WinonaRyder

    You felt deep relief and happiness!? Took the high road!? WTF!!??

    You must have been feeling something else when you:

    1. Tried to run me over with your car
    2. Walked past me in a restaurant and farted
    3. Didn’t flush when you KNEW I needed to really go
    4. Put saran wrap on the toilet in my hotel
    5. Poured raw eggs into the heating system of my car
    6. Kept throwing Nibs at me from behind in the theatre
    7. Told Rob Schnider I had a massive “crush” on him
    8. Had Larry King show up at my door for a private “one on one” interview
    9. Somehow added me to John Mayer’s Twitter-thingy
    10. I KNOW you paid someone to doctor the surveillence footage!

    Here’s a twitter for you, ya twat: U R A CUNT

  49. RaraAvis

    She’s wearing a boring gray dress and sandals with socks. Oooh! She’s such a rebel! And so fashion forward! I feel sorry that you have to read her blog, Fish. I doubt if anyone else does.

  50. ………………….MOST AMERICANS JUST LOOVE NOBODIES.
    so why not thisone, folks!!

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