Gwyneth Paltrow took to GOOP to write about a “frenemy” who was surprisingly not enamored by all-things Gwyneth. Clearly, this person must be Satan:
Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road.
Page Six suggests the “frenemy” is Winona Ryder who shared an apartment with Gwyneth and competed with her for the lead in Shakespeare in Love. I was going to say it was Madonna, but everyone knows she simply feasts upon the flesh of her enemies. Ha! I was way off.
Eric Cartman | April 17, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Shit-faced cockmaster.
mikeock | April 17, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Hey Gwyneth – my dick is vegan approved.
Brandon | April 17, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Gwyneth Paltrow is not remotely attractive, and her acting is not remotely impressive. Her career is completely inexplicable to me. She’s not much to look at or watch…I just don’t get it.
Jrz | April 17, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Was it Apple?
nastyjay | April 17, 2009 at 1:49 pm
needs inbetweens those legs
Hulk Hogan | April 17, 2009 at 1:51 pm
It was Nicole Simpson.
OctoMom | April 17, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Nice sun damage.
Jones | April 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I think it was that obese mom who went to get her 11th cupcake of the morning and her infant fell off the couch and cracked his head and then slipped into a coma and died when the mom inexplicably went on the internet to ask medical questions at a celebrity-bashing blog and her chair collapsed under her immense weight and a snapped-off chairleg pierced her rectum and she bled out while beached-whale-flopping…toward the remaining cupcake.
RichPort's Ghost | April 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm
I think that person’s name was red meat.
Jrz | April 17, 2009 at 2:00 pm
OH. MY. GOD. NUMBER 8
BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAHAHAH
AHAHA
AHAHAHA
AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHA
*choke choke choke*
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
Mal Gusto | April 17, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Anyone who actually uses that phrase “frenemy” is automatically a total douche. I hate this bitch more every time I hear from her. Can you imagine the level of asshattey that must occur when she, Madonna and the lead from ColdPlay get together? Thank God Guy Richie got out!
Mal Gusto | April 17, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Anyone who actually uses that phrase “frenemy” is automatically a total douche. I hate this bitch more every time I hear from her. Can you imagine the level of asshattey that must occur when she, Madonna and the lead from ColdPlay get together? Thank God Guy Richie got out!
Mr. Jones | April 17, 2009 at 2:07 pm
I heard that Winona has a big brown beaver.
meaghan (grimace) | April 17, 2009 at 2:11 pm
what a stupid thing to do i felt like the worst mum ever. that was such a terrible moment seeing my babys tiny helpless body lying there on the ground
Giggles | April 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Gee….do you think she’s referring to Winona Ryder’s shoplifting conviction?
Objection sustained | April 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Objection! Relevance?!
NellyNLove | April 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm
I want to know who the superficial writer is…<3
sirrix | April 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Umm… seriously – you disabled comments for that “whatisthenewblack” AD?? I wonder why?
Stop disguising ads as posts – as little legitimacy as you may think you have, it’s just pathetic, fish. We know you need the money, but that’s just lame and it’s misleading to your faithful readers.
OctoMom | April 17, 2009 at 2:16 pm
@ 14 – it would have been worse if your baby’s tiny helpless body was laying on your cupcake though.
Roberta | April 17, 2009 at 2:21 pm
I can’t stand this heffer. Her idea of affordable is like 200-300 for a pair of shoes. She wants to save the world (or whatever?), she should donate her money to help the needy.
“Frenemy” is so SATC 2007, yo.
meaghan | April 17, 2009 at 2:26 pm
i let out a strangled “oh my god” yell as i bolted to him, and picked him up off the floor; his face was all screwed up in a silent howl cos the sound hadn’t come yet.
then it started, a full howl cry – giant open mouth, red screwed up face, a continuous siren note of shock.
#19 i was trying to push my breast into his mouth to comfort him but he was crying so hard it was half a minute before he took it and started to calm down.
then while he was sadly sucking, i was feeling him everywhere for injury, checking his face and head, then squeezing all his joints to see if he’d broken anything.
THANK GOD nothing was wrong, not a scratch or bruise. in fact he’s hurt himself harder scratching his own face with his nails.
Verez | April 17, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Hottie.
Verez | April 17, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I’ve got some GOOP for you, Gwyneth.
Jrz | April 17, 2009 at 2:44 pm
I certainly hope “Impossible” is being pronounced “Im-poss-see-bluh”, Fish….this IS Gwenyth Paltrow we’re talking about.
Courtyardpigeon | April 17, 2009 at 2:45 pm
She has amazing legs!
RichPort's Ghost | April 17, 2009 at 2:46 pm
“i was trying to push my breast into his mouth to comfort him but he was crying so hard it was half a minute before he took it and started to calm down.”
Funny, that’s what my wife told her friends after the first time she denied me sex…
OctoMom | April 17, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@ 21 but what happened to the 11th cupcake of the morning?
Jrz | April 17, 2009 at 2:50 pm
“his face was all screwed up in a silent howl cos the sound hadn’t come yet.
giant open mouth, red screwed up face, a continuous siren note of shock.”
Sounds like when Guy’s wife took his balls and put them in that jar for the first time.
Tom | April 17, 2009 at 2:54 pm
She’d be a great hate-fuck.
RichPort's Ghost | April 17, 2009 at 2:55 pm
#28 – HAHAHAHAHA Jrz…
Hey, uh, “meaghan”… you’re awfully descriptive for someone who almost killed their infant.
Zanna | April 17, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I thought only old men wore socks with sandals.
jrz | April 17, 2009 at 3:10 pm
ZANNA!!!!!!!!
Zanna | April 17, 2009 at 3:14 pm
JRZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
RichPort's Ghost | April 17, 2009 at 3:16 pm
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Monster Vag with Stank and lots of hair | April 17, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I hate this cunt more than anyone and not sure why. I get the feeling she thinks her nasty twat doesn’t stink. I hate hollywood with all my colon contents. Whoever runs hollywood should just stop breathing. Freaks and dirtbags.
kels | April 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm
another perfect example of what a boring white bread woman resembles…
kels | April 17, 2009 at 3:19 pm
another perfect example of what a boring white bread woman resembles…
Jrz | April 17, 2009 at 3:27 pm
And how was MN?
Alex | April 17, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Can you imagine going through life with all of her advantages and turning out like that? Oscar winning actress. Meh.
Shes like American royalty and I think we would all be better off without her in the public eye.
GuyHolly | April 17, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Jrz– that did hurt like a motherfucker; but I got used to it after the 40th time or so.
mamamiasweetpeaches | April 17, 2009 at 4:18 pm
SOCKS WITH SANDALS????? Doesnt that pretntious stuck-up cunt know only little girls under 8 and old retired men over 60 do that?????
Ped Egg | April 17, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Orthopedic shoes at her age. Oh, I forgot that she is almost 50, well, that could explain it.
Rhialto | April 17, 2009 at 5:34 pm
I know how to treat these frenemies.Is Amnesty International looking?
james | April 17, 2009 at 5:36 pm
uhhh… no comments allowed on your “I have no idea what this is and it’s certainly not subversive marketing” post below?
ick.
Sauron | April 17, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Poor me! I don’t have any frenemies anymore! What happened?
His Huge Greatness Himself | April 17, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Hands up frenemies! One wrong move and all your genes will be smoked outta this world!
Darth | April 17, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Hola frenemies! Did i hear something?
WinonaRyder | April 17, 2009 at 7:25 pm
You felt deep relief and happiness!? Took the high road!? WTF!!??
You must have been feeling something else when you:
1. Tried to run me over with your car
2. Walked past me in a restaurant and farted
3. Didn’t flush when you KNEW I needed to really go
4. Put saran wrap on the toilet in my hotel
5. Poured raw eggs into the heating system of my car
6. Kept throwing Nibs at me from behind in the theatre
7. Told Rob Schnider I had a massive “crush” on him
8. Had Larry King show up at my door for a private “one on one” interview
9. Somehow added me to John Mayer’s Twitter-thingy
10. I KNOW you paid someone to doctor the surveillence footage!
Here’s a twitter for you, ya twat: U R A CUNT
RaraAvis | April 17, 2009 at 10:41 pm
She’s wearing a boring gray dress and sandals with socks. Oooh! She’s such a rebel! And so fashion forward! I feel sorry that you have to read her blog, Fish. I doubt if anyone else does.
gerard Vandenberg | April 18, 2009 at 12:37 am
………………….MOST AMERICANS JUST LOOVE NOBODIES.
so why not thisone, folks!!