Gwyneth Paltrow keeps crypts

September 26th, 2005 // 69 Comments

Oh my God, grandma, get back in the coffin! You’re embarrassing yourself! Why can’t you die with digni– oh, it’s just Fishstick. Or Wednesday Addams. Either way, it’s rude to show up to a funeral wearing the same thing as the deceased. At least grandma had the good sense to wear a bra, and she’s dead. What’s your excuse?


  1. mutterhals

    i love the people who come on this site and yell at everyone else about making fun of over paid, unimportant celebrities that would spit on you if you approached them in public. yes she looks like the crypt keeper, no you won’t get into heaven by being a nice person. you know why? cause there is no heaven. boo ya!!!

  2. this is the one who has a “great, big sense of entitlement?” never understood her allure, neither her celebrity nor her oscar. come to think of it, so did her mother. she looks like my maid.

  3. Proteon

    She is without a doubt the most beautiful woman on this whole web site. What no eating disorder? Where the fuck are her tits! She is better than you.

  4. cutie^

    Gwen please continue to keep personal things private, like this picture.

  5. mutterhals

    Thats the face my grandma makes when she eats too much cheese.

  6. ImRichBitch!

    Did anyone else but me notice that her tits are down to her navel. ewwww! And its not like she has much either.

  7. sparkydingle

    Ok, now why would something that fugly bother with makeup? It’s like putting lipstick on a pig for christs sake.

  8. Dawn7

    I never really thought she was attractive. Yes, she’s thin; But like a teenage boy whose given birth. None of that really makes up for her face.

  9. Ragin_Pope_Angus

    Dear god she’s fugly.

    Now you know why gwynnie has to return to her coffin before sunrise.

    Someone drive a stake through the heart of that vampire … NOW!

  10. CaptainMorgan

    Why again is she a celebrity?

  11. SoOverIt

    I’m pretty sure she’s a celebrity because she’s an amazing actress. So she took a bad picture? I’m sure everyone who posts on this site has always looked amazing in every picture ever taken. Good luck with that.

  12. sinistersister

    Aside from the fact that these are terrible pictures of Gwyneth, and that her breasts have been to her navel for years and years, I would just like to comment to the people who blame her paleness and thinness on being a vegetarian. Do some reading. Being a vegetarian is far healthier than eating meat. I’ve been a vegetarian for 17 years, have a big fat ass and a nice, dark tan. And when you’re old and have colon cancer from carrying around 20 pounds of decaying, rotting meat in there for your whole life, I’ll be going strong!

  13. dolphin4711

    Feed her! Feed her!

  14. Martin92

    I’d tap that. Wait, gross! No I wouldn’t!

  15. sugarplum


  16. fragile_wild

    Her face is so stretched beyond recognition by plastic surgery that you can actually see her skull. Wait she IS skull… with glass eyes… with skin so taugh that you can actually bounce quarters off of it!

  17. T1000

    God, Gwenyth Paltrow’s getting a little pudgy if you ask me. I mean, she weighs WAY more than the ideal woman, Hilary Duff. In fact, a recent poll that i just made up shows that the most popular women’s goals to get in shape these days mimic hers…the shape of a single serving cereal box. Obviously, Gwenyth didn’t get the memo cuz her shape is definitely drowned, featherless newborn turkey.

  18. kitten

    Ladies & Gentlemen…the REAL Gwyneth Paltrow

  19. I thought it was a funny picture of another celebrity hungry … but the more I look the more I got scared

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