Gwyneth Paltrow is a dear friend. If you’re not a fatty.

April 23rd, 2009 // 65 Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow and chef Mario Batali are close friends. BFFs even. Except there’s a problem: Mario’s a little on the chunky side and that’s just not GOOP-rific. Fortunately, Gwyn-Gywn’s there to give him a free membership to her overpriced gym. Haha, enjoy, fatty! Page Six reports:

Gwyneth Paltrow gave him a free membership to the pricey gym that she and her fitness friend Tracy Anderson are opening in TriBeCa this summer, saving him the $4,500 membership fee and monthly bills. An insider said, “Mario is the only fat friend she has, and wants him to change.”

If I were Mario, I’d know just the gift to thank my dear friend Gwyneth for her thoughtfulness: A flabby kick to the uterus. It’s simple, yet says “If you were anymore insipid, I’d carve you up and sell the meat to a McDonald’s where it’d ultimately be digested by the obese.”

Then again, I’m too much of a giver, so maybe just flowers.

Photos: Flynet

  1. Andrew

    Not that I’m a fan of Paltrow’s, she seems more and more pampered and disconnected the more I learn about her, but is it wrong to want your friend to lose weight? I don’t really have a tolerance for obesity, and i don’t think we as a society should. And now you can start bitching, saying ya they’re fat but they know they’re fat. If that’s the case, then deal with it!! No one should have to make exceptions for you just because you’re overweight. If you’re walking slow on the sidewalk, move the fuck over and let people pass.

  2. His Huge Greatness Himself

    If you’re from nature a kind of frail than it’s allright ofcourse.

  3. Insatiable Peter

    For the twats writing that she cares about her friend, wake the fuck up. One thing about caring, unconditionally. Another to be concerned with how someone makes you look. Accept them or move on. The best thing she could ever do is evaporate along with evidence that she ever existed in the first place.

  4. Andrew C

    Obviously she did not learn the important moral lessons from her academy-award winning movie “Shallow Hal” about seeing fatties as actual humans.

  5. Fitness advice from a flabby, pasty chick with no muscles? Why would anyone pay for that?

  6. kingofbeer

    Mario Batali is god, that is all!

  7. but I shit alot.
    THIS IS A PROBLEM, folks?

  8. tc

    She could pass for a teenager in the main pic !

    I still hate the bitch tho’ It would just make me feel better when I was mid-rape.

  9. samuel

    There’s actually a couple of really shitty things here. First, the fact that someone was actually quoted as saying “he’s the only fat friend she has”, and that the gym membership is a freakin’ $4,500. Must be some gym, huh. Or wait … IT’S JUST A GYM.

  10. sharmy

    He’s an Italian chef! The best there is! I mean, seriously…would you take a skinny Italian chef in New York seriously? (exception to the rule: Marc Vetri in Philadelphia…but he’s a yoga fanatic…at the crack of dawn…and half jewish)

  11. andyx

    Narrow sloping shoulders, thick waist, wide hips, long flat ass. The epitome of gawkiness. Where do I sign up for this gym membership?

  12. Fas(c)hionista


    “I try and suggest something like a sushi bar or organic restaurant.”

    Raw fish is disgusting to many, many, MANY people of all shapes and sizes, and organic restaurants suck donkey balls. Both are also prohibitively expensive for many people, pricey hoaxes to suck in the stupid.

    God forbid you should pick a restaurant that has all kinds of healthy options, not just one-note bandwagon crap. People with more than two brain cells to rub together don’t necessarily care to get melanoma and sand in their asses so you can sashay around in a bikini in a desperate attempt for positive attention (your ONLY example of what your “fat friends” don’t want to do).

    You go on and on about your “fat friends” when clearly you have none, because you are a superficial, self-absorbed ¢unt.

    And judgmental twats who brag about how important fitness is yet cannot discern “lose” from “loose” don’t deserve friends at all.

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  14. He is a bit of a health nut, and he is a gym that his friend, who believe need to lose weight for health reasons for not giving a free membership since opening. In this scenario, Gwyneth just a friend is being generous.

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