Gwyneth Paltrow and chef Mario Batali are close friends. BFFs even. Except there’s a problem: Mario’s a little on the chunky side and that’s just not GOOP-rific. Fortunately, Gwyn-Gywn’s there to give him a free membership to her overpriced gym. Haha, enjoy, fatty! Page Six reports:
Gwyneth Paltrow gave him a free membership to the pricey gym that she and her fitness friend Tracy Anderson are opening in TriBeCa this summer, saving him the $4,500 membership fee and monthly bills. An insider said, “Mario is the only fat friend she has, and wants him to change.”
If I were Mario, I’d know just the gift to thank my dear friend Gwyneth for her thoughtfulness: A flabby kick to the uterus. It’s simple, yet says “If you were anymore insipid, I’d carve you up and sell the meat to a McDonald’s where it’d ultimately be digested by the obese.”
Then again, I’m too much of a giver, so maybe just flowers.
me | April 23, 2009 at 11:30 am
me, me
Joejohn | April 23, 2009 at 11:30 am
Fourth!
second | April 23, 2009 at 11:31 am
Feck. Only second.
Crabby Old Guy | April 23, 2009 at 11:33 am
Every time I see these pathetic dweeb bitch I have a compulsion to whack her across her face with a 2×4. A 2×4 with a nail poking through it. A 2×4 with a RUSTY nail poking through it.
bari | April 23, 2009 at 11:33 am
i’m fourth
bari | April 23, 2009 at 11:34 am
no, sixth
abbz | April 23, 2009 at 11:37 am
she’s starting to look old. Not really old. But you can tell.
Duke Nukem | April 23, 2009 at 11:39 am
I would goop all over her face.
But seriously, fat people disturb me too. Nothing says “I have no self-control nor the willpower required to be healthy or attractive” like thunder thighs or a huge spare tire.
bari | April 23, 2009 at 11:44 am
ninth
Rough Daddy | April 23, 2009 at 11:50 am
What is that? is that post surgery those things? shes so opinionated im not sure id goop on those boobs…let the man be fat, someone have to be…
SoTe | April 23, 2009 at 11:50 am
I repeat.. she is an insipid BITCH! He is a chef, he can’t look anorexic, that would mean that not even him tries his food! stupid insipid bitch!
mikeock | April 23, 2009 at 11:50 am
Do I see her vegan nipple dent? I do, don’t I?
Janey | April 23, 2009 at 11:58 am
He should cook up Gwyneth. And call the dish Entitlement with pompous sauce, served with grilled arrogance, topped with a snobbish reduction.
Icie | April 23, 2009 at 11:58 am
I could take this one of two ways.
1) She is a bit of a health nut, and since she’s opening a gym she’s giving a free membership to her friend, who admittedly does need to lose weight for health reasons. In this scenario, Gwyneth is just being a generous friend.
2) She doesn’t like fatties cramping her style and she has the resources to help him lose weight, so she’s encouraging him to do so. In this scenario, what would that make Mario feel like?
If all of this is true, I wonder what Mario’s reaction was? Gratitude? Insulted?
http://celebbodyimage.blogspot.com/
Benner | April 23, 2009 at 11:59 am
She doesn’t want her friend to have a heart attack. Wow, what a terrible person.
moogie | April 23, 2009 at 11:59 am
@7 How can you even tell, you can hardly get a good look at her in these pictures.
Drinking Games | April 23, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Glad she’s taking on the appearance of Jillian from The Biggest Loser!!
Sheena | April 23, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Nobody trusts a skinny chef.
Hey Gwynnie, you think Mario got that fat by exercising every day? Stupid bitch.
Zanna | April 23, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@13 – EXCELLENT, Janey!!!! LOL
nope | April 23, 2009 at 12:20 pm
it’s about health.
RichPort's Ghost | April 23, 2009 at 12:20 pm
#13 – Janey, we could serve it with a steaming cup of “shut the fuck up, you kabballah bitch!”
P00nMasterFlex | April 23, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Look who’s shallow Hal now beeyotch!
orb205 | April 23, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Chefs are supposed to be heavy!
Mario | April 23, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Never Trust A Thin Chef!!
Shockalator | April 23, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Have any of you ever watched Iron Chef America? There are plenty of thin chefs out there. Doesn’t mean they don’t cook well; it just means they cook healthy. Fat does not = good cook.
___ | April 23, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Gwyn-Gwyn?????
That’s where I draw the line. I want to punch myself in the face for coming to this site now. I’m outta here.
Bobaloo | April 23, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Hey, it’s not like the guy doesn’t know he’s overweight and that he may be endangering his health. He’s an adult, it’s his choice. If he wants to lose weight, he’ll do it himself. Damn, I hate when people want to force their agenda on others and try to make them change.
kneehow | April 23, 2009 at 12:37 pm
this article you wrote proves to me that you yourself are over weight.
rather then spit at the people willing to give somebody who struggles a helping hand, why don’t you listen to them, for a change.
you’re intelligent enough to spin a funny article, you’re intelligent enough to take care of your body. you might even end up happy. something people like gwenith like to see.
peace bee
Janey | April 23, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Thanks Rich and Zanna… *passes gimlets all around*
If Mario DID cook her up, I’d totally be a cannibal just so I could say “yeah, I ate Gwyneth and she was BITTER.”
Best part, though??? Pooping her out the next morning.
Zanna | April 23, 2009 at 12:43 pm
*chugs gimlet like water*
Ya know what, Janey? I think if you ate Gwyneth, it would make you constipated. Yea, that’s what I think.
PORT OF RICH!
blackout | April 23, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Lol, Janey said “poop”
Janey | April 23, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Yeah, Zanna, you’re right…. Then I’d have to take a laxative, and then I might accidentally Gwyneth my pants.
STINK | April 23, 2009 at 1:00 pm
In other news, Chef Mario gives Gwyn a book. An insider said, “Gwyn is the only stupid friend he has, and wants her to change.”
Zanna | April 23, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Yea, and then Janey, everyone would say you “Gooped” yourself.
>ThisGuy< | April 23, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Meh, it could be taken many ways.
For starters Mario Batali is Rich so what would $4.5k mean to him? He can cook his own “HEALTHY” meals which would allow him to cut calories and carbs.
That being said it does look like this Lady is insulting him with this little “GIFT” of hers.
Although, considering they are quote “Friends” it could just be a little friendly push in the right direction to lose a little weight or worse DUN DUN DUN Free publicity for her Gym.
What would be better to promote her gym than to say, “See everyone even Mario Batali works out here and he’s lost *insert weight loss amount* pounds!”
But in all seriousness I wouldn’t look any farther into it than to say it’s just hype and drama being pumped up to be more than what it is.
She either dislikes seeing overweight people around her so she’s taking a proactive approach to end it, or she’s just a TWAT with a complex.
Who really cares, if Mario wants to make her a special meal with Poison Sumac to exact his revenge then let him. If he accepts the offer graciously and goes above her spiteful antics then he’ll do so. Mark my words I do believe that Mario will come out of this more gracefully than Gwyneth will.
Alex | April 23, 2009 at 1:12 pm
$4500+ a year? For a gym membership?
RichPort's Ghost | April 23, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Z!!!!!!
I wonder if pre-coital activity in bed with this frigid bitch is known as (ahem) cold play…?
Iliana | April 23, 2009 at 1:18 pm
She is such an ego maniac and the goop thing is ridiculous. Now she also trying to be a fashion designer, you can read about that joke here;
http://www.39thandbroadway.com/celebrity-fashion-lines/
I really wish she would get over herself and just hole up in London forever!
Zanna | April 23, 2009 at 1:24 pm
@37…oh God..that was good. *smokes cigarette*
SoTe | April 23, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Plus, have u seen Mario? (http://bit.ly/zIswD) Like going to the gym is going to help, thanks Gwyneth, such a great friend.
bari | April 23, 2009 at 1:47 pm
forty-second
bari | April 23, 2009 at 1:48 pm
no
i mean
forty-second
darling | April 23, 2009 at 2:12 pm
When my sister and I are searching for the ultimate insult to hurl at each other… when one of us has been particularly hateful or snotty or snobbish or self-serving or useless or conceited or hideously, pompously smug, we invariably settle on calling each other “Gwyneth.” There’s really no better name to sum up so many odious attributes.
testington | April 23, 2009 at 2:21 pm
honestly only fat people like having fat friends, unless youre a chubby chaser.
I am in very good shape and watch what I eat and like to workout a few times a week. I do find it annoying when I try to hang with my fat friends and they wont go to the beach, or anywhere involving walking and then just want pizza or burgers for dinner when I try and suggest something like a sushi bar or organic restaurant. I like to splurge once in a while, but eating junk food and not working out really makes me loose respect for somebody
lola | April 23, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Being overweight is horrible for health and self esteem. That was a nice gift, depending on how it was given.
JPRichardson | April 23, 2009 at 3:43 pm
The gift fo a gym membership is nice (at least I would appreciate it). What is far from nice is her arrogant person picking friends based on their physical appearence. That is actually pretty stupid and says a lot about her sick personality.
Ang | April 23, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Don’t know if anyone has mentioned this: CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Galtacticus | April 23, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Any pics of this Mario guy available?
Rhialto | April 23, 2009 at 7:07 pm
We all know by now my taste! Not too thin and tranny.
His Huge Greatness Himself | April 23, 2009 at 7:15 pm
If i’m able to count your bones.You bet you won’t be boned by me.