Gwyneth Paltrow gives birth to Moses

April 10th, 2006 // 115 Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow’s rep confirmed today that she and Chris Martin gave birth to a baby boy over the weekend, proving all the tabloids wrong and naming him Moses Martin. It must have been tough for them to try and pick a name even worse than Mortimer or Capone, but I think they really outdid themselves. Not that Moses is a bad name, it just seems totally inappropriate. Like naming him Jesus or Hitler.

Source

superficial

  1. HughJorganthethird

    I think it’s cute she gave birth to a 90 year old Hassidic diamond merchant. Kid better watch out or before he knows it Madonna will be hanging around seeking “wisdom” and “truth”.

    Can she please be sterilized now?

  2. LRonHubbaHubba

    Hi, I’m Moses Martin and I am an alcoholic.

    I think the name sounds perfect.

  3. Moses parts the both the red sea and Paltrow’s vagina

  4. I just think that she hates kids. Or she hates Chris Martin, which is completely understandable. #103, gross, but funny.
    I think she should have named the kid after another fruit, i was thinking Kumquat

  5. annafarha

    Coldplay had a song called Moses on their Live 2003 concert CD, and it was about Gwenyth, so I guess it makes sense.

  6. Evangelia

    but WHY would he write a song about his wife and call it “moses”? of all the song titles in the world that he could have picked?

  7. LaydeeBug

    Moses, definitely a better name. But, he’ll be known as Moe. Moe, Hari and Kari.

  8. mommy_long_legs

    Get a load of “Gwyneth”s name (did I even spell that right?) Her poor kids never had a chance. Oh and we musn’t forget her mother “Blythe.” Maybe I should rename my daughter “Fushnickens” and she’ll have a chance at Hollywood fame. Except I really wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

  9. mommy_long_legs

    Get a load of “Gwyneth”s name (did I even spell that right?) Her poor kids never had a chance. Oh and we musn’t forget her mother “Blythe.” Maybe I should rename my daughter “Fushnickens” and she’ll have a chance at Hollywood fame. Except I really wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

  10. mommy_long_legs

    oh my god if i double post one more time i am going to kill my computer

  11. IdleAmerican

    in other news pottery barn kids scrambles to discard the noah’s arty ark bedding down the that’s so 1999 river and introduce “Biblical Boy Patchwork Surf” in Burning Bush Orange and Red Sea red , and river blue :) – in 100% lamb’s wool and Egyptian cotton —

    see i took the pg route- i am sure there’s a burning bush joke in here somewhere
    i have nothing funny to say as you painfully see, but this is if you haven’t read it —
    http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html

    TCLC

  12. Trixie

    You people must have dull names. Moses is a great name. As a matter of fact, Moses Pray is one of my favorite movie characters of all time. Ryan Oneal in Paper Moon. Great movie, great name, great acting (he was hot back then). Biblical names are wonderful and I think the name Moses is awesome. It beats lame ass names like Jack and Grace. My neighborhood alone has 10 Jacks and 10 Gracies…NObody has a creative bone in their bodies anymore. If I see one more kid named friggin Jack, I will lose it. Get some originality you mental midgets.

  13. sparkmonkey

    hmmm…they’ve been running ads for the 10 Commandments. i think this broad names her kids after the last thing she sees before labor. i’m surprised she didn’t name him Guinness.

  14. I dont see what the problem is here i mean granted its an unusual name but at least its not something you would be embarrassed to say in public e.g. fifi trixibelle i mean that sounds like a dogs name.

    and why the hell are you taking the piss out of Gwyneth anyway Chris would of had some say in the name choosing anyway and if i remember correctly it was his suggestion in the first place.

    I will also point out that although she may perhaps not be the nicest, prettiest or most beautiful woman in the world she is definitely not ugly i mean i would gladly tap her.

    and if the other blokes here say otherwise then they are spewing more shit than a thousand babies. Also when you have that much money for doing in the face of it not much work who cares what other people think.

Leave A Comment