Gwyneth Paltrow converts to Kabbalah. Who saw that coming?

February 12th, 2009 // 69 Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow wore a Kabbalah bracelet to the premiere of her new movie Two Lovers last night, and seriously, is anyone surprised? I’m pretty sure Gwyneth will do at least one, if not all, of the following things in the coming year:

- Steal a child from an African village. Call it “adoption.”
- Divorce her British husband.
- Have sex with Hispanic men regardless of age, marital status.
- Sleep for 1,000 years in a sarcophagus only to awaken and lay waste to civilization by wearing fishnet stockings on her really gross legs.

Ah, peer pressure. I knew that shit would kill us.

Photos: Splash News, WENN
superficial

  1. Valkyrie

    YAH. ONE DOESNT CONVERT TO KABALLAH. OMG

    THEY GET THEIR BODY SNATCHED BY IT.

    DAH.

  2. Wha'appen

    #16 ..Chris has charisma ..when did that happen , he is as big a celubutard as she is .

    She did look hot in Iron Man though.

  3. I actually think she was raised Jewish and Kabahlah is a jewish genre. Maybe Madge is copying her!

  4. Mr. Jones

    #47

    So this particular cult doesn’t have some sort of induction, where an initiate is exposed to a new way of thinking about the spirtual world? Y’know.. a “conversion”?

    And “red” is so dead, sister. I’m willing to sell you a piece of blue string for $20,000.

  5. I’d love a pay per view event where the Scientologists and the Kaballah loons fight to the death.

  6. Ranch

    @#54

    Actually, no, this isn’t a cult that has any sort of induction that is any way like a conversion ceremony. Kabbalah is a form of mysticism, a spritual way of interpreting and studying the Torah. That some people (celebrities) choose to exploit it and misinterpret it does not make Kabbalah a cult. It just makes them look stupid for pretending to follow something they clearly don’t understand.

  7. Grape Ape in the White House

    Kaballah, what a joke. It’s like when porch monkeys started celebrating “Kwanzaa” as Christmas. When in fact, there was only one tribe in Africa that celebrated Kwanzaa, and it was a cultural ritual that had nothing to do with Christmas, and furthermore, no slaves were ever taken from the tribe and brought to the US. So all these ignorant jungle bunnies out there claiming to celebrate Kwanzaa are just a bunch of uninformed retards trying to further seperate themselves from Western culture. Although if they weren’t brought over as slaves, all the apes would be over in Africa, starving to death and putting bones through their noses…..the ape class always makes me laugh…

  8. PunkA

    Sweet. Looks like my chances of hitting it with Gwen just went up. She is one of my fantasy lays…

  9. Aidan

    why are we providing exposure to this unknown person?

  10. yidl mit fidl

    #54-

    actually, no, the Kabbalah is a body of writings, not an organization, so there isn’t an “induction” into it, nor is there a “conversion” to it. i suppose that, by your way of thinking, one can be “inducted” into, um, bicycles, or swiss cheese, or latex house paint? or perhaps “converted” to baseball or swimming? I’m afraid not. also, “Kabbalah” isn’t a cult. Now, a specific cult or even multiple cults might STUDY the Kabbalah, but Kabbalah itself isn’t a cult. the Kabbalah is just a group on writings on various mystical and metaphysical subjects relating to Judaism.

    honestly, this might appear to be an issue of semantics, but it’s not: you’re just a dumbass…

  11. Iron Man

    I still hit that.
    Kabbalah is no match for Superior Tech!

  12. jojo

    that bitch is so shallow! She’ll probably put kaballah on her stupid site as “in” right now.

    P.S.i want her clothes. all of them.

  13. Insatiable Peter

    52,

    Martin is a charismatic dude, he just is. There’s no other explanation for his mediocre sound becoming a huge sensation. Coldplay certainly aren’t where they are b/c of that drummer who looks like he broke out from an asylum. At the same time, I’d blast Coldplay in a truck stop at 3 am before ever listening to more than 2 seconds of what comes out of Gwyneth’s mouth.

  14. shakeitout

    apparently people could pick up those red bracelets and madonnas concert, so, to say it means shes studying the kabbalah now is a stretch.

  15. ray

    She is WAAAY past the expiration printed on her ass.

  16. jen

    HEY, CHICK. JENIFER LOOK OUNG BECAUSE OF COSMETIC SURGERIES, BOTOX, COLLAGEN AND JUVEDERM. WITHOUT THOSE SHE LOOK OLDER THAN JOLIE AND GWYNETH 10 TIMES

  17. jen

    HEY, CHICK. JENIFER LOOK YOUNG BECAUSE OF COSMETIC SURGERIES, BOTOX, COLLAGEN AND JUVEDERM. WITHOUT THOSE SHE LOOK OLDER THAN JOLIE AND GWYNETH 10 TIMES

  18. jen

    HEY, CHICK. JENIFER LOOK YOUNG BECAUSE OF COSMETIC SURGERIES, BOTOX, COLLAGEN AND JUVEDERM. WITHOUT THOSE SHE LOOK OLDER THAN JOLIE AND GWYNETH 10 TIMES

  19. What about all those old desperate women trying to attract attention. It takes the same PR agency desperate, like Jennifer Aniston, you can not count on anything being released from them. Their customers are so funny.

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