Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin name their son

January 2nd, 2006 // 37 Comments

paltrow-martin-capone.jpgAn insider has revealed to The National Enquirer that Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are set to announce the name of their new child and have gone with the oddly gangster Capone. Gwyneth apparently allowed Chris to pick the name and he went with something he believed had “character.” Plus, he also wanted to ensure that his son would be confused with a mafia crime lord and shot down during a turf war in downtown Chicago. Or maybe I made that last part up. Or maybe I didn’t. Now you’ll never know.


  1. Michelle

    Well, they certainly lived up to the odd precedent set by “Apple.” Good job, guys.

  2. amma

    Thanks for the consistently great entertainment. You are sooo funny, you always crack me up!

  3. Muhammad

    Fucking Hilarious!

  4. Mugato

    Why does Gwyneth Paltrow hate her children?

  5. Pink216


  6. networkchick

    Jeez, if they wanted to name their kid after someone who died of syphilitic complications, they also could have gone with King Louis.

  7. James Earl Cash

    At least they can rest easy in the knowledge that no name they come up with could possibly be worse than poor Shannyn Sossamon’s kid’s name.

  8. Jenni21

    Wait, when did she have another child?

  9. prideofchucky

    I guess something more tenderhearted like “Shovel-Face” was already taken….

  10. i-see-peeee

    Oh, Jesus H. Christ, these people are stupid.

  11. Lilmissy

    Hello? Thats totally false, get ur facts straight b4 saying lies

  12. rachluvsyoox

    there baby is due in early spring, how is it that she’s had this baby already?

  13. susie-q

    It says they “are set to announce the name” – not that the child has been born yet.

  14. Pink216

    that cannot be true!! i doubt they’ll announce something so horrible. it came from the national enquirer afterall! but i can’t think of a name that would go well with apple. perhaps another food group? what did shannyn sossamon name her child?

  15. NoleGal

    I do believe she named her son Audio Science.

    I realize that she’s a DJ, but does she also have to be an idiot?

  16. BurnZ

    Ah hell ya ni99a, dat name be busted yo

  17. This story isnt true.

    Celebrities never anounce what their kids names are going to be until they are born. Because they are better than us. That is why they all name their kids the most jacked names ever.

    I do hope they name him that though, or lemon, either way..

  18. mommy_long_legs

    I hate to say it but these people really should not be allowed to name their own kids. Just in case they aren’t already f**** up enough by having celebrity parents those names will certainly seal the deal.

  19. Lynette Carrington

    Hey, at least naming their kid Capone is better than naming him Hitler!

  20. lulypop

    lol hitler.

    btw i doubt that’s real.

  21. reeeeka

    national equirer = crap source.

    i don’t believe it until i see it.

  22. jellybean

    awwww, i didn’t get the big deal about their kid’s name.. i think apple martin is pretty cute!
    capone, eh, i don’t think is as cute but it’s not as bad as say.. fifi trixibelle or moon unit!

  23. rachluvsyoox

    this so isn’t true, these people didn’t say she was pregnant till she was 5 mnths gone, when they couldn’t really deny it anymore, they are really secretive & im sure they wouldnt go shouting about the names they might call their child, or even the sex of their child!

  24. slinkhard

    That picture is of Apple, not their new baby.
    Who will be worthy of pity no matter what they call it, since he/she will be raised by a pair of pretentious pseud fuckwits.

  25. Alikat

    Um, the source for this story is The national Enquirer? It’s not that far fetched but who listens to the enquirer?

  26. reesestet

    Those dumbasses don’t have to live with the name; the kid does. We have wasted the supreme court’s time on issues less trivial than this. Their sentence?; 1000 kicks in the crotch in exchange for each one their son is going to get!!

  27. hey i think capone is a wonderful name. i mean it has charter and illcits fear. will he probably get the snot beat out of him by many many ppl? yes but at leats he knows his name is unique. it isnt like some celeb who named there kid piolt inspector now that was friggin stupid and they should be beaten wth stcick andand metal pipes but capone that just desrves a swift kick to the knee.

  28. HughJorganthethird

    Anyone who saw G.P’s oscar acceptance speech or has listened to her husbands insipid, de-masculating lyrical drivel should have no problem accepting the veracity of this story. Isn’t there some kind of by-law to keep people this stupid from reproducing? If not there should be. Once again I ask why oh why were these two idiots not taking the tube on July 7th?

  29. CeleblogHo

    Capone didn’t die of syphilis. One can only assume that you will however.


  30. Cheyenne_1

    #29 is moronic

    “Sometime in the mid-1930s, and at Alcatraz, Capone began showing signs of dementia, probably related to a case of untreated syphilis he contracted as a young man, a sexually transmitted disease, potentially very harmful if not treated. He spent the last year of his sentence in the prison hospital, and was released late in 1939. After spending a year of residential treatment at a hospital in Baltimore, he retired to his estate in Miami, Florida.”

  31. Cheyenne_1

    Alternately, they could name him Baby Face Nelson, another famous gangster.

  32. Regurgitating Gordon Wood

    I love how potentially namely your kid after a gangster murderer who DID die of syphillis is considered reasonable, but would they get the same reaction if they went with say Dahmer Martin or Bundy Martin?

    I guess I’m just trying to say that they are both idiots.

  33. BeefJerky

    Actually, #29 is absolutely correct, the syphillis was NOT the cause of his death. He did begin to suffer from dementia due the syphillis, but after the syphillis was treated, his dementia didn’t get any worse. Not to mention, he lived for another 7 years after they treated him for the syphillis. The cause of his death was a stroke followed a few days later by pneumonia, which caused him to go into cardiac arrest the next day.

  34. blackblackheart

    ……I liked the name Apple.
    I don’t like the name Capone, but I won’t say it’s “stupid”… *rolls eyes*

    Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean it “sucks” or it’s “stupid”… >_>
    I don’t like 50 Cent but that doesn’t mean he sucks. I don’t like Britney Spears but that doesn’t mean she’s stupid (although she has displayed something to that effect quite a lot lately).

  35. Wiggy1214

    Well $h!t, I took the name ORANGE in the office pool :(

  36. Bran

    OH my god Gwyneth is so cute:) I totally adore her. Good for them—-they will lead such a heppy life!

  37. Capone? ha ha…in 5 years he’ll be getting beat up by kindergarten kids

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