Gwyneth Paltrow’s Eating Like A Poor Person? The Gwyneth Paltrow?

While her former best friend/Sister of The Night tries her hand at stand-up, the unfettered royalty known as Gwyneth Paltrow has accepted Mario Batali’s Food Bank NYC Challenge where she’ll only be allowed to live on $29 worth of food per person for an entire week and without using food she already has or donated by others. Here’s how her first shopping trip went:

And while that’s more than most actresses eat in a year, I’m going to stop Gwyneth Paltrow right there because clearly this is bullshit. Where are the lobsters, cruises, and Cadillacs everyone knows you can buy with food stamps? More specifically, where’s the iPhone? If there’s one thing the Internet’s taught me, it’s that if you see a black person – any black person at all – with an iPhone in their hand, that 800,000% proves welfare doesn’t work and totally isn’t racist because slavery happened a long time ago. The Internet’s done the math.

Photo: Twitter