Gwyneth Paltrow Will Destroy Vanity Fair Now

November 5th, 2013 // 38 Comments
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While Jaimie Alexander was busy owning her ass at the Thor: The Dark World premiere last night, Gwyneth Paltrow has been preparing an all-out assault on Vanity Fair for daring to investigate her alleged affair with Jeff Soffer in 2008. It’s a battle that will test her mettle and prove if Madonna was right to cast their friendship aside because there must be no quarter for usurpers. Radar Online reports:

Paltrow, 41, has supposedly convinced George Clooney to withdraw from appearing on the magazine’s Hollywood Issue cover, but had trouble with Julia Roberts who is apparently close to the magazine’s editor-in-chief, Graydon Carter.
“[Julia] is ignoring Gwyneth, has no problem with Graydon and is happily still committed to appear on the cover of that issue,” the source revealed, noting that the refusal to bend to Paltrow’s wishes “has probably ended any chance of a friendship between the two of them.”

In related news, I saw Gwyneth’s book for sale at Target yesterday which is a pedestrian market where people like myself shop because we’re poor and live in crude huts that don’t even have hand-painted wallpaper or religion shelves. I believe the Japanese have a custom for what needs to happen now.

Photos: FameFlynet

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  1. I want to destroy her ass.

    • I want to force feed her McNuggets covered in Easy Cheese, and just laugh harder and wilder after every nugget.

      • You’re clearly a truly deranged, diabolical, utterly evil human being, devoid of all conscience and feeling. And I really, really admire that. Give her one dipped in high fructose corn syrup based barbecue sauce for me!

      • why hate so much?

        Jealous much???????

      • Love it. I’ll bring the ranch dipping sauces.

        I remember reading Anthony Bourdain saying the grossest thing he’s ever eaten was a McNugget. Really? Really? The grossest thing YOU’VE ever eaten was a McNugget? Not the warthog anus on safari in Africa or the rancid shark meat in Finland? It was a Chicken McNugget? Sure. I love how people whose central preoccupation is snobbery and “culture” so often appear to have lost all perspective since their heads got lost so far up their own asses. It’s always funny.

      • Jeez, coming from someone who for years put smack cut with God-knows-what into his system, and has even combed a shag carpet for paint chips in the hope they were fallen crack bits (and smoked them anyway), it’s really more than a little precious of him to be calling out McNuggets as the height of culinary anathema.

        On the other hand, he thinks vegans are “self indulgent” and was the first to liken Paula Deen to a mob legbreaker shilling crutches when it came to pushing her butter and sugar based recipes and then selling diabetes medication, so for those two alone he gets a pass from me on the McNuggets issue.

      • Deacon Jones

        He seems to get pretty hammered on wine on his shows still, surprised he’s been able to stay off the harder shit

      • I’m also surprised since he claims he smokes a lot of grass as well. There are a lot of alcoholics who claim they’ve learned the secret to drinking in moderation, but the ones I know personally are always getting their licenses suspended for DUIs so they have sort of a problem getting to my place to tell me all about it.

    • What ass? She’s like the queen of the flat assed white girls.

      You can say you want to tap that, but that’s a fine case of noasatal.

  2. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s still doable on so many levels..

  3. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    rican
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve done much worse, so yes, I would definitely fuck her.

  4. Really stupid move. She’s already made comments in the past about people cheating in a marriage is NBD, so there’s already been speculation that she and Martin have an understanding about that, but by trying to derail the article she just makes that reported hookup look more credible and is turning it into a RBD all on her own. I can understand her not wanting it to be published because of her kids, because you can’t lock them in a room watching French cartoons for the next five years, but trying to strong-arm or wheedle friends into boycotting a magazine that’s so tied to the industries they work in, just to aid in your cover-up, is a lost cause from the get-go. She just comes off looking like she suffers from both a guilty conscience and a massive runaway ego.

  5. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    ruckus
    Commented on this photo:

    Dunno why he is bothering…. He is just going to end up CGing her anyways.

  6. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    ruckus
    Commented on this photo:

    GooP: Extremis

  7. JC

    It’s going to take a lot of time and effort for her to talk every cover-worthy celebrity in Hollywood out of appearing in Vanity Fair. You’re trying to empty an ocean (of purified spring water collected by French orphans in clay urns) with a teaspoon (hand-crafted by only the most enlightened Buddhists using 99.999% pure sterling silver), Goopy.

    • As if

      As if there is any truth to this article, Vanity Fair took Brad Pitt down, that is why George Clooney isn’t going on it.

      • That’s a helluva lot more plausible than his showing solidarity just for her, but it still doesn’t hold water. While VF reported on WWZ’s runaway overages and the overall debacle-ness of the shoot in a short essay, (which wasn’t exactly a secret to any of the trades), they also put Pitt on the cover, did a retrospective of his covers for the past 20 years, and were pretty flattering overall to him personally since they don’t usually completely burn bridges with celebrities. They also did a very unflattering piece on Third Point hedge fund owner Dan Loeb and credited Clooney with calling him a “Hollywood carpetbagger”, tacitly giving him props for being his chief antagonist – so really, where’s the beef over that issue?

        Clooney has been vocally anti-paparazzi for years and doesn’t seem to give a shit about the negative publicity that’s resulted, so if it’s really true that he’s not part of the Hollywood issue cover shot, I bet it’s probably not due to his standing up for Goopy.

  8. Cock Dr

    Wow, she’s really kicking up a fuss over a magazine story.
    Wonder why she’s so insistent.
    Hmmmm
    Perhaps Vanity Fair should have focused on her husband’s song stealing exploits instead.

  9. ace11

    banging her must be a chore and a half….

    Im with Vanity Fair on this, if she is cheating expose her uptight

    a**

  10. Maybe she’s worried because this is just the tip of the iceberg, and it will eventually come out that one of her children was fathered by Steve Jobs.

  11. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    Mommy why does your ass look like chewed bubble gum ?

  12. So GOOPeth decided to revenge VF’s coverage of her cuckolding by pulling a Mean Girls and try turning the most popular kids against them? Haha. Jesus. How gauche.

    And you know what? Fuck you. The only discernible way you make the money you love to talk about and flaunt is by trading on your “name” and selling shit to other clueless, uneducated white brats that think they are, or hope to appear, cultured. You don’t get privacy. These idiots are buying your image, essentially buying you, and even they have the right to know what they’re buying. Once you start selling yourself you don’t get to leave out the bits you don’t want to share.

  13. Richard Comstock

    I don’t see how the hell magazines selected her the most beautiful woman on the planet. She’s not butt ugly, but she ain’t that hot.

  14. Fresco

    Who the fuck cares about Paltrow and who the fuck cares about Vanity Fair. I’m only writing this so Fish gets his pageviews.

  15. She should have adopted a more mature strategy, and just started a rumor that Vanity Fair eats boogers. None of the cool kids wants to be associated with booger eaters.

  16. Jade

    Sorry Gwynny, but I’ll take that mag over your scheming ass any day. I realize rag mags run false stories all the time, but since VF is doing this one, and Gwyn is going to such lengths to stop it, kinda makes it seem the story is dead-on. Perhaps if her goopy brain had any power at all, she would have just shrugged the story off with a giggle and left it. Now everyone knows it is true. She just sold a lot of magazines for VF. Go Gwyn!

  17. I didn’t know Gwenie was thick like that.

  18. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    The Pope
    Commented on this photo:

    Gwyneth should hire Kate Hudson to be her butt-double in real life.

  19. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    mmmmHmmm
    Commented on this photo:

    Fuckin SWEET BABY RAY’S!!!!

  20. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    LET THEM EAT CAKE!

  21. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she may have swamp ass

  22. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Teddy
    Commented on this photo:

    I gotta take a shit and all i see are porta-pottys

  23. Gwyneth Paltrow Bikini Spielberg
    Commented on this photo:

    Theres a dick coming out of her belly…

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