Gwyneth Paltrow Has An App Called ‘G. Spotting’ Now

Gwyneth Paltrow is so obsessed with vaginas that she routinely steams her against the advice of the entire medical community and anyone who knows that the baby tube isn’t a carpet that needs to be cleaned before you can get your security deposit back. So naturally she named her new travel app “G. Spotting” because get it? It’s her name AND a part of the ham wallet that probably doesn’t even exist. Conde Nast Traveler reports:

Goop’s travel-minded “Go” section of the website already offers the kind of “anti-Yelp narrowing of the universe” that her devotees love; G. Spotting takes that idea and makes it even easier to use on the go. There are guides organized by personality type (foodie, hipster, kid-friendly…), as well as itineraries crafted by Paltrow and her inner circle (she tapped Reese Witherspoon and Tim McGraw for the Nashville guide). And don’t assume it’s all for the 1 percent: On movie shoots, Paltrow said she would ask the makeup artist or truck drivers where to get pizza rather than the hotel concierge.

Holy shit, Gwyneth Paltrow actually talked to poor people? What were those conversations like?

“Excuse me! Excuse me, pauper. Where would a lowly person such as yourself take your meager wages for sustenance?”
“McDonald’s?”
“I’LL FEED MY CHILDREN CRACK FIRST!” *snaps bank teller’s neck*

But there’s also a funny side to the app, too. Especially if you’re severely injured in a strange land and need medical assistance. Just wait until you see your face!

Each destination includes know-before-you-go information that’s useful to first-time visitors, including where to go for medical emergencies (appropriately labeled “f&%k”) and packing tips.

“Honey, honey. I’m having chest pains. Press the ‘Fuck’ button on the G spot app! Press the ‘Fuck’ button!”
“I am! It just keeps telling me to sting myself in the face with bees!”
“Fuck!”

Haha, G so cray.

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