Gwyneth Paltrow Might Join ‘The View,’ It’s All Over For Us Now

Gwyneth Paltrow loves spreading pseudoscience to the unwashed masses almost as much as she enjoys a chicory-scented vagina steam to the organic labial box. And what better way to expand her reach than The View where she can look directly into the living rooms of fellow working moms and effortlessly bond over their shared plight of trying to put $400 baseball gloves on their kids’ avocado-manicured hands. Radar reports: has learned that Gwyneth Paltrow is mulling over a whopping “seven-figure offer” from ABC to join the show’s troubled panel, but the consequences will be dire if she decides to walk away.
“If Gwyneth doesn’t accept, there’s every chance the show will be axed,” a source tells Radar. “They’re in real trouble and everyone on that panel right now are all second and third choices.”

Of course, there’s also the possibility Gwyneth could be replacing Raven-Symone, which seems racist at first, but Gwyneth Paltrow’s best friend is Beyonce, so everything’s on the up-and-up. Also, her children just love their Uncle Jay so much, they make him shuck-and-jive the moment he’s done being frisked before coming in the house. He’s like a pet!

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