Hmm, If Only Gwyneth Paltrow Could Make The Super Bowl About Her…

“What do I feed a man after he fucks me good? I dunno, quinoa, maybe. Some couscous. Why? What did Beyoncé say she does? — Shut the fuck up…”

With Beyoncé set to bail out Chris Martin’s lame ass halftime show, there wasn’t an easy way for Gwyneth Paltrow to hone in on that shit without literally jumping on stage. An act she normally reserves for Jay Z so people don’t suspect she owns a fully staffed and operational plantation. But Gwyneth Paltrow is anything if not resourceful, and so she quickly found a way to steer the spotlight towards her freshly steamed cooter-se-quoi by posting a photo of Blue Ivy and Apple to Instagram so everyone knows she not only has access to The Golden Child, but is allowed to share her image on social media at will. Which just made a vein in Kim Kardashian’s head explode as her hands fall out of Kanye’s butt. “Bitch, do I need to bring Scott in here? Hey, yo, SCOTT!”

#superbowl50 jacket game

A photo posted by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow) on

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