Gwyneth Paltrow Sacrificed Her 70′s Bush For You, The Ungrateful Masses

April 26th, 2013 // 31 Comments
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Posted by Photo Boy

Apparently getting crowned World’s Most Beautiful Woman comes at a terrible price as Gwyneth Paltrow recently found out just before unleashing her side-butt on the world at the LA premiere of Iron Man 3. Her vagina fro, while healthy and fortified by the natural compounds of her daily buckwheat haricot vert smoothie, would’ve blown the minds of the bourgeois public, she explained to Ellen. Plus Beyonce rocks a clitler. via Just Jared:

“Well, let’s just say everyone went scrambling for a razor…So I went from being the most beautiful to the most humiliated. In one day… I work a 70’s vibe. You know what I mean?”

“Totally,” Ellen replied, “I remember the days of roller disco and when a lady’s bush was free to creep all the way around to the outer thig– Wait, ew. No, no I don’t understand this at all.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INF, Splash News, WENN


  1. Tom N.

    70′s and the other thousands of years of human history. Up until about 20 years ago.

    • Muslims have been doing it off and on for the last 1400 years…the Egyptians were doing it for at least 2500 years before that. Pubic shaving/plucking is nothing new.

      • I heard a feminist lecturing a while ago that pornography had driven women to feel the need to shave their pubic hair.

        I wanted to ask her if porn had driven men to shave their faces, or if she honestly thought there was no pubic trimming before pornography. And if so, why would pornography make it more popular if people didn’t LIKE how it looked?

      • Jon Hamm

        I thought it was women’s need to receive reciprocal oral?

      • it does help if you cut a path through the jungle

  2. I’m not quite sure about how to embed a picture, but there is this. . .

  3. ruckus

    Ellen: Do you still have the hair? I want to make a hat for Portia.

  4. MummyChunk

    See the JLA Watercooler and search for Gwyneth and Brad to see it in its full “70′s” vibe glory UHQ

  5. Poor Chris Martin.

  6. I know you rock a 70s vibe, Gwyneth. I’ve seen the pics.

  7. Gin&Tonic

    dear god did i not want to know this about this woman…

  8. Little Tongue

    And who, exactly, got up one morning, had a shot or two of vodka and a few pills, and got thinking that they had the authority to decide that Gwynnie is the most beautiful woman in the world? To this person: rehab or eye doctor ASAP.

  9. cc

    She got the razor from Gerard Butler. He had a spare.

  10. Tiggles

    “everyone went scrambling for a razor” – hey, who doesn’t try to involve other people in their personal hygiene issues? Why, just the other day, I dropped my trousers at a community center and asked everyone to help me with a Brazil wax.

  11. PJ Bandit

    The list of things I don’t want to know about Paltrow is actually quite short. Just one word: Anything. Evidently even that isn’t enough. I have to add an addendum: Anything and Paltrow’s privates.

  12. mikenike

    I would be traumatized to see her hair pie vagina. Just looking at her face is hard enough.

  13. Who likes being fisted? Gimme a thumbs-up!

  14. Urbanspaceman

    OK, I get it. Ellen’s a lesbian. What I don’t get is why she always wears the uniform.

  15. So if I’m reading this correctly, I’m gathering that Gwyneth’s bush wraps around her waist. Would that be from the front or the back?

  16. anonymous

    I just want to know if the shag carpeting actually matches the drapes.

  17. Jenn

    So, she can’t shave her own vag,and her pubes reach past her hips, apparently. I’m sure the razor was solid gold with diamonds on the handle.

  18. amy

    oh please, this was just her attempt to relate to the rest of you plebeians. If you think she grows a full 70′s bush instead of meticulously groomed, individually conditioned pubes, styled with fine morroccan oils, and finished off with hombre highlighting…then you haven’t been reading your goop newsletters.

  19. pimpom

    Do we really need to know this?

  20. I love how even when she tries to appear as Humble Jane Doe she can’t fucking pull it off.
    Goopy, honey, nobody in the audience has ever had *anybody* “scrambling for a razor”, much less *everybody*.

  21. JJ

    She’s awfully plain looking for someone who was voted the most beautiful woman in America.

  22. puhleez

    this bitch again

  23. Benny

    I wish I could live in her hairy bush. What a life that would be! Hairy bush and 34Bs. Perfect!

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