Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Reading Mean Internet Comments Is Just Like War’

May 29th, 2014 // 62 Comments
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(l to r) 1. Private Witherspoon, a 20-year-veteran who survived several online jokes about her chin, but in body only. Her family says she’s never been the same person since and often suffers from night terrors and alcohol abuse. 2. A pretentious cunt.

In my haste to slap together a link post this morning, I completely missed the paragraph in Lainey Gossip’s Gwyneth Paltrow post (which I recommend clicking) where GOOP literally, yet not surprisingly, compares reading Internet comments with going to war. A comment which she, of course, made on Memorial Day of all days because that’s a pauper’s holiday with its canned beer and non-hand-rolled frankfurters consumed in backyards befit for swine. So here’s that quote for everyone to fully enjoy for its delicate fart-sniffing notes and unbridled savoir-faire. Via re/code:

“You come across [online comments] about yourself and about your friends, and it’s a very dehumanizing thing. It’s almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it,” she said. “My hope is, as we get out of it, we’ll reach the next level of conscience.”

Later, Gwyneth would clarify her remarks: “What I meant to say is that when you see some anonymous ‘troll,’ I believe is the nomenclature, insult your lifestyle and maybe not fully understand that the only way a person can truly, honestly express themselves is through very, very high end Capri pants, it’s like watching your child get gunned down by a crazy person. And as a parent, I can relate to that possibly more than anybody else alive at this exact moment. No one is experiencing anything close to that pain right now except me. But you know I persevere because, dammit, these pants are me. They’re me.”

Photos: Getty


  1. What must it be like to live such a delusional life?
    Did you read that Gwyneth? Its about YOU!! Now suck it!

  2. let’s put together a posse and go punch her in the face.

  3. Leave it to someone as pretentious as her to say something that stupid. That’s almost as stupid as the woman claimed to have PTSD from Twitter. Do words have no meaning anymore?

    Their stupidity is painful.

  4. Has this woman never been to The Superficial website? My online brethren friends and I will give dehumanizing comments for her free of charge.

  5. Also from the linked article:
    “Facebook actually started as a place to judge women on their pulchritude or lack of it.”

  6. Seriously? Seriously. Reading mean online comics is like being through a war. I’m not even going to touch the part where apperently she wants us to evolve into … what pure balls of light. Honestly who likes Paltrow any more. She’s not hot enough to be for guys, Women just look at her and go “The bitch needs to be stopped”, she’s too frilly for lesbians, and gay guys are the ones who are writing a solid 80% of the “mean” articles online about her.

    I think she should be given no media attention until next Ironman movie she appears in. Give 6 months of media attention, and then back to her media black hole. For the good of all.

    • Do you know how much bullshit this woman is capable of vomiting out of her mouth in 6 months?

      She’s as uninteresting as plain oatmeal with dry toast, her head is so far up her ass she’s become delusional from inhaling the methane fumes from her [rose water infused] farts, and she’s stupid to boot. Fine, let her show up to the press events for the next Ironman, but she needs to wear a shock collar in case of any pretentious bullshit. Actually, they just need to shock her as soon as she starts speaking because it always leads to pretentious bullshit.

    • Oddly enough, I think “pure balls” is just about the gist of it.

  7. I’m not sure they make hand painted artisan pottery bowls big enough for the generous serving of gluten free, organic shut the fuck up she needs.

    • BlinkyTheFish

      Don’t worry. I’m sure some of the stuff she pulls out of her ass can be shaped into a bowl and dried quite nicely in the sun. See, organic and handcrafted. Win-Win.

  8. Gwyneth Paltrow Fashion Week
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    War, huh, yeah
    What is it good for
    Exclusive Malachite Andu Rablabs ($1200)
    War, huh, yeah
    I’m a complete bore
    My thoughts mean absolutely nothing
    Say it again, y’all

    Enlist in the GOOP Garrison! Buy the Nili Lotan Army Green Anorak jacket, just $500!

  9. Curly from The Three Stooges

    Anonymous troll? I resemble that remark!

  10. Walter Peck

    If she really wants to know what war is like I can get my old squad together and we can invade, then pull out of her. Repeatedly.

  11. I’ve always considered myself a mercenary of sorts. Thank you for validating my feelings, Ms. Paltrow.

    Ya cunt.

  12. brick

    G, I really do think you are talented and beautiful but please do everyone and especially yourself a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

  13. Dumb rich bitch doesn’t have a clue.

  14. Jimmy

    Despite all this, she might be a fun fuck. Smoke a little weed, some slow cowboy/reverse cowboy action, whatever.

  15. Oh, so IED means “Internet Explosive Device.”

  16. Gwyneth Paltrow Fashion Week
    Commented on this photo:

    Unconscious bickering….

  17. kate

    You guys and Fish are being so mean. You don’t understand how hard it can be. Living and growing-up in the Hamptons puts ALOT of pressure on you, especially if you’re a lady. We have to do all sorts of things to make sure we’re perfect. Do you guys have ANY idea how hard it is to get an appointment at a good salon or day spa? DO YOU? Sometimes we have to wait up to a week for them to fit us in.
    And Gwyneth is under even more pressure than the rest of us. Her father is a plastic surgeon, which means she HAS TO BE PERFECT. Even when you have three stylists on your payroll like she does you’re still under a tremendous amount of pressure.
    Her neighbor was Steven Spielberg for Christ’s sake…Steven Spielberg…let that sink in for a moment. How much pressure do you think that puts on her when your Big Time movie producer neighbor gets you into the business.
    You guys may think it’s easy, but it’s not. NONE of you would want to live the life we have too.

  18. JimBB

    Clearly, to truly appreciate her message, you have to read it in its original French.

  19. So at this point is she trolling for attention or really that out of it?

    Prepare the GOOP Nuke I! Gwyneth, you’re looking rough, time has caught up with you and I put pesticide on your organic food.

  20. Miley Cyrusis aslut

    I believe we have discovered the true source of “Global Warming” and it isn’t Congress, it’s Gwyneth Paltrow. This woman produces a volume of methane laced bullshit, equal to that produced by all the cows in North America, plus all the members of Congress and all the vehicles driven daily in the US, every time she opens her mouth. She wouldn’t last 10 seconds in a firefight, before she would be hit by 50 or 60, 5.52 caliber rounds fired by friendly forces.

  21. Gwyneth Paltrow Fashion Week
    Commented on this photo:

    what happened to that man’s forehead?

  22. ace11

    Send her to Afghanistan

  23. Mike

    Say what you want about Reese Witherspoon. Besides her drunken incident last year, I don’t think she’s a killable person like Gwenyth Paltrow is.

  24. Kirsten Stewart thinks having your photo taken by paparazzi is like rape, Gwenyth thinks googling your own name to see what people say about you is like war. And me…well, I just think John Travolta’s hairline is like that feeling you get when you think you’re going to sneeze, but then don’t.

    We’re just saying whatever shit pops into our head, right? Am I playing the game correctly?

  25. Dox

    A wealthy actor makes a narcissistic comment, cementing how out of touch with reality she really is….

    Didn’t see that one coming.

  26. Screwyou

    Yeah yeah, whatever. I forget what your stupid, childish nickname is mr website owner, but it’s not as if you give a shit about veterans or Memorial Day anyway. You -do- realize the majority of our armed forces are conservatives right? It’s sure as hell not full of you gun-fearing, rights-relinquishing pansies.

    • My brother’s an Army captain who did two tours in Iraq and like of a lot of soldiers is extremely liberal after those experiences. He also – much like General Stanley McChrystal – understands the immediate danger of untrained and undisciplined civilians walking around with weapons made for the express purpose of causing quick and immediate death to multiple targets.

      So in closing, sucketh my dick.

      • Screwyouagain

        Lol, alright. Bring your dick on over and I’ll suck it for you. Truth is, I really don’t care if people like you want to have guns or not, have fun waiting for the cops to show up and save you if you’re ever in danger.

        I do have to comment on the fact that you’re just parroting the same old tired party line though. It’s not the people who legally own guns you need to worry about. A criminal is a criminal and they don’t care how many laws you make.

      • Gee, that also sounds an awful lot like someone parroting the same old tired party line. You forgot “Guns don’t kill people…People kill people.” So how about this one, Nimrod: If people kill people, perhaps making guns unavailable (or less available) isn’t such a bad idea after all. And if, by chance, one of them gets his (or her) hands on a weapon and kills with it, wouldn’t it be nice if there were some sort of gun registry where the powers-that-be could track that weapon down?

      • Stillscrewingyou

        Would it? Does it make the person who got shot feel better that someone arrested the person after they were already dead? That’s not even the point. I don’t care if there is required gun registration as long as people still have the option to defend themselves with one. Cops don’t prevent crime..they file reports and sometimes investigate if it’s possible and necessary. People should have the right to defend themselves without having to be kung-fu masters. Otherwise we’re just acknowledging what is already true, that we’re creating an entire society of victims. Even if I had said, guns don’t kill people, people kill wouldn’t be just parroting. Just a fact. You think people don’t kill people without guns. You think there was no war or murder before firearms were invented? You think an army of people hacking each other to death with axes and swords was less brutal than shooting someone?

  27. Slash

    It’s like she’s trying to win a contest: The Up-Your-Own-Ass Award. I think she’s got a lock on it, and we’re only halfway through the year.

    I guess Bieber or Trump could take the crown with some serious effort, but that’s the thing, Paltrow’s statements are effortless. She wedges herself up her own colon without breaking a sweat. It’s like breathing to her at this point.

  28. BSName

    This nation should have a Veterans Day for all of the celebrities who have endured mean comments on the internet.

  29. juanhunglow

    if it is really that bad then miley and bieber would have killed themselves long ago.

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